Leaving The Armed Forces. 3 Ways To Manage Your Expectations For A Smoother Transition.

Perhaps it is natural when leaving the armed forces to take certain expectations along with you

. These could be for an improvement in your circumstances, or if you are reluctant to leave, then you could be anticipating a decline in your general well-being and happiness.

Leaving the armed forces and starting the transition into civilian life and civilian work is a massive change, both mentally and in your environment. The process can be made so much easier when expectations are managed, and you don't let assumptions creep in. Let's break this down a bit further.

1.There are expectations you may have about yourself; the type of job you will get; how your new business will fly; how soon it will be before you are fully settled in a new role; how fantastic your relationships are going to be now that you're home all the time.

2.Next are your expectations of others. This could be your partner, children, work colleagues. You may expect your partner to be thrilled about having you around for 24 hours of the day. After all they missed you so much when you were posted.

Similarly, your partner may be surprised to realise they'd got used to being on their own and doing what they want, when they want to without considering someone else -no matter how much they fretted when you were away. Little annoyances can grow up into a major issue, and this will be doubly bad if you expected everything to be lovey-dovey forever.

3.Then there's your expectation of what could happen and what your new environment will be like. You expect to get a job, which doesn't materialise; you expect to be given living accommodation, which falls through at the last minute, or doesn't meet your expectations. Maybe you expected your new workplace to be much freer and easier, only to find that it's more regimental than the armed forces!

You can smooth your transition by these simple tactics...

1.Look at where your focus is. If you are hunting around to see which of the nasty parts of the armed forces' life have followed you into civvie street, you will find them. If you are looking for how your new life just doesn't match up to what you've left behind, up will pop the evidence you're looking for. Whatever you are looking for you will find.

If you don't believe me then try this little experiment. Pick a make of a car which you have never owned or wanted to own. Make a good mental note of the make, colour and model. Over the next week or so, you may find that you spot this car all over the place. Maybe this has already happened to you? Well, either lots of people went out and coincidentally bought that same make and model, or, you are focused on it and so now you are finding it.

This means that when you start to look for improvements in your circumstances, that's what you're going to find.

Imagine you are typing your daily experience into google; if you type boredom and failure into the google search box, it is unlikely that satisfaction, achievement and excitement will be at the top of the results. Remember to treat your brain like google.

2.The second tactic is about acceptance. Poor communicators, difficult people and bullies are not the preserve of the armed forces. You will find bluffers, liers and wasters wherever you go, and you can still end up working for an idiot. Remember that it's not personal and it's unlikely you will be able to change them. When you look beyond them, then you're going to find some real gems of people who will add tremendous value to your life.

It's the same deal with many aspects of your new environment. In the armed forces there will have been much you accepted as part of the general deal, but did not love. It's the same when you leave. You need to make a judgement about how much of your time and effort you will let a particular issue steal from you.

3.Curb your assumptions and go with the flow. Deal with what's actually happening in the real world and not what you think should be happening. For example, many ex-force's personnel assume they can handle stress because they have been used to life threatening circumstances. They may not recognise, accept or deal with feelings of stress, or fear and a lack of confidence about what seems trivial. Nevertheless, these feelings are a part of life, and often happen because you are in an unfamiliar role.

If you feel uncomfortable or afraid, then acknowledge the feelings; accept they are part of the transitioning process when a change is taking place and take action to sort it out.

4.Understand this fact - change (even welcome change) leads to a drop in performance. Just accept it and go easy on yourself. Your performance will soon come back to normal as you develop in your new role and environment.

The key points again are to keep your expectations in check. I don't mean to play a narrow game, just be ready to deal with the unexpected.

Focus on what you want, then you are more likely to find it. This does take discipline and as part of our programme, Online Basic Training, we always include a selection of fearsome goal setting techniques to get this nailed down.

by: Sian Murphy

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