Life Without Barbecue Sauce, The Horror Of It All

Have you ever had a dream where something you desperately need or want is gone forever

? Maybe it was just something that you love and cannot imagine surviving without. Imagine our world today in America without barbecue sauce. I know it sounds silly at first, but think how many things you would enjoy so much less without it. It would be a horribly ugly world with a lot less backyard cookouts, fewer tailgating events at sporting events, and more reason to stay cooped up in the house.

Think about those big Fourth of July picnics at the park. Can you imagine how much less fun they would be when you got a flavorless and dried out piece of meat to gnaw on with all your side dishes? Eating ribs without that savory barbecue sauce dripping from them just seems like a sacrilegious affair. Ultimately, there would no reason to even cook the stupid ribs if they were going to be so unenjoyable to eat. Soon we would all be at the park, drinking cold soda pops and beers while eating celery sticks and yogurt. Doesn't that sound so un-American?

Backyard grilling events would merely become dinner parties, tailgating would return to just parking and walking into the stadium, and baked beans would just go back to the boring baked beans of yesteryear. The whole concept of grilling outside would dramatically take a turn to the dark ages without barbecue sauce. People would probably try something else, like dumping ketchup on their meats, only to turn a steak into a glorified meatloaf type thing. Some might just become vegetarian, or revert back to their hunter-gatherer instincts and just eat whatever they could find. The oceans might become totally fished out since more people would find some solace in beer battered fish and chips, or crab legs and lobsters as their last bastion of great taste.

All in all, it would be very different, and ugly world with barbecue sauce. People would be much less satisfied with their lives, divorce rates would skyrocket, and overall malaise would inflict many people. The importance of having great tasting food cannot be underestimated, nor should be taken for granted. Luckily there has been no law passed yet to ban the substance, so until they do, get out there and grill away with happiness in your heart and great food in your belly.

by: John Schnieder

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