Lingering Resentments: A Few Simple Ways to Beat Feelings of Resentment

Lingering resentments are toxins in our lives

Lingering resentments are toxins in our lives. They fester, hinder growth and happiness, and spiral outward as crankiness toward people we don't even know. Many of us are harboring multiple resentments in our lives at any one time. How can we deal with them effectively?

1. The walking gratitude list. One way to deal with resentment is to focus our attention on its opposite - gratitude. As you walk around, even as you experience resentments (just let them go, don't try to control them) look for things around that you feel gratitude for. You may also think of things that you have gratitude for, but it's sometimes surprisingly moving when you notice something in your field of vision - the bright smile of a child for example.

The idea is that thoughts occupy space in your mind, and as thoughts begin to accumulate, they begin to dominate and trigger strings of similar thoughts. In this case you are hoping to replace the negative resentment with positive and joyous gratitude. Don't worry if it doesn't work for a while. It takes practice.

2. A happy memory tonic. Maybe you are resentful toward a boss. Or perhaps the person you are resentful toward is your spouse. This next technique is very hard to do at first, and nearly impossible to maintain. But if you try it every time you are resentful you will find over time that it is very effective. Think of the person you are resentful at. Enveloped in resentment, it is safe to say that at the moment you do not like the person very well. He or she may even be an enemy.

Next, try, though it may be hard, to remember a good time you had with that person. For example, think of a happy moment when you both had a good laugh. In that moment you liked each other, right? Try to think of another moment of joviality, and then another. Think of as many as you can. The point here is to arrive at a more balanced attitude toward that person. Even if we remain resentful, at least we must concede that he or she is not all bad. We are forced to see each other's humanity.

Lingering Resentments: A Few Simple Ways to Beat Feelings of Resentment

By: Rand Whitehall

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