Lying; A True Story

A fascinating lecture took place recently in the psychology department of a University in Dundee Scotland

. It was designed to provide a window for school pupils who were considering a career in psychology and it was delivered by several distinguished lecturers. What the students didn't expect, however, was that they would be receiving a lecture on the value of lying. The professors detailed why lying was an inevitable, indeed necessary, part of the human social fabric. They provided further validation of the fact by citing recent research that tentatively suggests that large brained primates - like chimps - use deception too.

A core aspect of many schools of psychotherapy is helping people understand the inevitability of human flaws such as this. Indeed, what the academic psychologists are finding is that not only is such behaviour inevitable, it is desirable too - in an evolutionary sense and for the good of the species as a whole.

Genuine awareness comes from acceptance and contemplating the realities of moral issues such as this is a very good avenue to such awareness. The reality is that our imperfections themselves are what makes us perfect. You cannot have perfection without imperfection. Yes, this is a paradox, but it is no less true or powerful a reality for that. There are things about us that we may not like that, nevertheless, serve a purpose too. In isolation we may not appreciate them - nor should we - but they have value in the wider context.

Acceptance is the key. Acceptance is the ultimate destination of the journey of self awareness. All therapy - face to face or Internet therapy - is, one way or another, designed to help you get there. At the same time, however, it is also important to find a way to embrace the need for change. This might sound like another contradiction, but, in fact, it follows: If you really accept every aspect of yourself such as the occasional foray into dishonesty, then you will, at the same time, feel compelled by a need to change. After all, no one wants to be dishonest. To truly be at one with acceptance, you must also be at one with the need for change. So, again, we reach a paradox. And the corollary is also true; you cannot embody change, without simultaneously, embodying acceptance. To really change, you must first accept all parts of you, otherwise you will be unable to change - all effort to do so will serve only as a temporary escape, often exacerbating the original status quo that you wanted to change in the first place.

So there you have it; the paradoxical goals of therapy. These are the circles all of us are trying to square - I see it in myself, as well as the clients I have seen in offline and Internet therapy too; we must embrace our imperfections without ceasing to seek perfection, we must embody acceptance, without failing to strive for change. These are not destinations you will ever fully arrive at. It is the journey of life, and the psychology lecture in a Scottish University was a good starting point.

by: Dr Russell Razzaque

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