Mind your tonque
Mind your tonque
Mind your tonque
Hello there,
There is an old saying if you mind your tonque and mind, everything else falls in right place.
Majority of problems in life is either speaking wrongly at the right moment or speaking right but at the wrong time.
I love the saying we have two years and only one mouth. God has specially designed our features this way coz he knew humans are intelligent so the wise would listen more and speak less - holds so true.
Last evening a very old known friend called me. We know each other since last 19 years but are not in regular touch. I was surprised and happy to receive her call. After casual talks of how we were and whats up in Life, I asked her how did she think of me today.
In a sad tone she said - donno why I was missing you tremendously, had too many things in mind but didnt know who to share with. I am getting suffocated keeping them to me.
For a second I didnt know how to react so just kept listening. Slowly she opened up and told me all about the problem and how miserable was she feeling because of the fight over the issue.
She said you tell me what am I supposed to do. I am angry, hurt and at the same time helpless.
I was patiently listening to her problem and said well since you have asked me for my suggestions I would say first zero down on what the actual problem is. I understand you are angry and hurt but you told me ten things that you are irritated about. My simple request is trace down the original root cause for the emergence of these 10 things. Fix that up automatically the ten things would be set right.
My professor who taught us for this semester had taught us this funda. I guess this is called Kaizen (m not sure). This is a Japanese way to solve majority problem. In a way I again thanked my Professor for the wonderful teaching. The knowledge doesnt only help in clearing exams, it is an effective technique to solve any issue in personal life as well.
Coming back to my friend, she was impressed with the suggestion and said I knew you would help me find a solution thats why I called you. She said but I am confused. I said if you want I am happy to help you and we started deep diving in her issue.
To my surprise, after about a 10 minute research she said she was upset because of one sentence which crossed her limits of patience and after which she also started retailating.
I said Bingo!!!! Thats the point. Since you are my friend and have invited me to solve your issue, I would be frank enough to point out your mistake was retailiating. Did you ever try putting the things that irritate you in a polite, simple and direct way. She said yes. I said was it direct and clear?? Think and tell me. She thought and said no.
I smiled and said ok no point in brooding over the past. Go for a nice drive or lunch or dinner and open up, speak up in a polite yet absolutely clear language of what causes you irritation and how the breaking relationship can be mended. It has to be a joint effort.
She said ok. Lets see what happens. Within my heart, I am eagerly awaiting a call from her with huge relief and happiness yelling out, "Hey you know what the issue is resolved and there is so much of happiness and peace in my life again."
Last night while I was about to sleep, I recalled the incident and just thought it takes so long to be a strong relationship, a strong business, so much efforts to start a house, bring up kids but one stupid unintentional joke or sentence which hurts someone who is so dear, messes up with the entire stuff.
I somehow dont understand the logic of joking or speaking some things that I dont intend. If I dont like something I personally am blunt enough to point that out. Many things I thought it was my weakness and I should improve on it but last nite I realised its such a blessing atleast it avoids future misunderstandings, sadness, miseries.
Brings me to conclude nothing is bad, its only the situation and the way we react makes it good or bad. Isnt it?? Just think about it? What do you say?
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