My Husband Left. How Can I Save My Marriage When He's Gone?

I often hear from women who are the only ones who want to save their marriages

. Many of them feel like they're at the end of their rope because their husband has either walked out, asked for a separation, filed for divorce, or left. This makes their job more difficult, of course, because they no longer have a captive audience. Sometimes, they no longer have an audience at all.

I recently heard from a wife who told me that her number one priority was saving her marriage. However, she didn't see how this was going to be possible because her husband had already left her and was in the process of moving out. She wondered how she was going to be able to work on her marriage when she didn't have any access to her husband.

I know that this situation may seem to be impossible on the surface. But I'm here to tell you that it is not always hopeless. Sometimes, the distance and time apart can actually work to your advantage if you play it correctly. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Sometimes Working To Save Your Marriage Doesn't Entail "Working" At All: It's often the wife's inclination at this point to want to get the husband in a position where he's willing to sit down and eventually commit to "working together to save the marriage." What they often don't realize when they try to implement this strategy is that they're running the risk of trying to do too much too soon which can in turn push him further away.

Not only that, but a husband who is already reluctant isn't likely to embrace the idea of rolling up his sleeves and get down to the work that he may not believe will truly help. Sometimes, you have to show him some progress before you make this request. You want to show him that the process isn't as difficult and hopeless as he might think. I know that you may be thinking "well, how can I make any progress when he doesn't live with me anymore and has moved out?" This leads me to my next point.

Making The Distance Between You An Asset Rather Than A Curse: It's normal to panic when your husband is no longer the same roof as you. It's natural to worry that if you don't do everything exactly right, he's never going to come back and your marriage might be potentially over. So, it can seem to be the right thing to do when you want to "check in," go by, call him, text him, etc.

However, if you come on too strong, you're potentially not letting the distance work for you. There's a chance that if you hang back and waited to see what happened, he might miss you or have a chance to reflect. But if you're constantly reaching out, he may actually feel annoyed rather than nostalgic.

It's fine to let him know that you miss him and wish things were different, but it's likely that he already knows this so that you don't have to keep repeating it. The thing is, when you're taking a break, there's the opportunity for curiosity and longing to work for you. He's not with or seeing you every second, so he has to guess a bit to determine what's going on with you. This can actually be an asset sometimes.

You need to paint yourself and the situation in as positive a light as is possible. Even if feel like you're a woman who is unsure or falling apart, you shouldn't let him see this, if you can help it. You want to show him someone who's both coping and capable.

Making The Times You Talk To Him Or See Him Count: Many women in this situation tell me that they're very worried that they aren't going to be able to see or interact with their husband and, because of this, they really don't have the opportunity to work on or save their marriage. And sometimes, people get very impatient so they try to push too quickly.

The thing is, there is often a very naturally occurring time where you'll need to speak with or interact with your husband. Often this has to do with your children, household, or assets. People often ask me if they should "make up" a reason for needing to see their husband. I typically don't recommend this unless you can make it seem very genuine and unless there is no naturally occurring reason to meet.

Often, the situation will present itself in some way, and when it does, this is your opportunity to show him how much progress you have made. Here's what many people forget. No matter how bad things seem right now, you do have unique knowledge on your side. You know what your husband responds to and what he doesn't. You know his buttons and you know what to avoid.

Many women ignore these things because they are panicked. But in my experience, this is a mistake. Panicking can be very detrimental because it contributes to a loss of control and often you respond by pushing too hard. You really do often need to move at a snail's pace in order to appear as genuine as possible. Ultimately, you want to move forward a bit and then have your husband respond while you are repeating the process. Eventually, the goal is that it's your husband who is initiating the process and reaching out because he wants to move forward.

Yes, there will come a time when you need to sort out your problems and "work on the marriage." But, save that until later. Right now, your focus should be on making things better between you so that you will be strong enough to focus on the larger issues later.

When my husband left and I was trying to get him to come back home so we could save our marriage, I did everything that I could to make this happen. I made many mistakes born out of frustration and fear. I delayed, I begged, argued, stalked and engaged, but none of these things worked. Thankfully, I decided to approach things from another angle and this eventually worked. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/.

My Husband Left. How Can I Save My Marriage When He's Gone?

By: Leslie Cane

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