Relationships At Work: Managing Former Peers
Among new and recently appointed managers, undoubtedly the number one issue that
comes up is the challenge of managing people who once were peers, or perhaps even friends.
Generally, people's concerns fall into two categories:
1. Keeping friendships even though the work relationship has changed
2. Keeping morale and productivity up as people adjust to the new situation.
First, the friendship issue. It IS possible to continue to be friends, but never in exactly the same way. Things can never be the same between you, because the dynamic that drives your interactions every day has changed, and this is something you simply have to accept.
Now, what about keeping up morale and productivity? Remember, this applies not only to one person on your team, but everyone. Here are three action items to help you set the stage for success by dealing with both issues together.
First, once again it all comes down to communication, as so many issues in the workplace do. I recommend that very soon after you take over your new role, you sit down with your former peer and begin by acknowledging that the situation is uncomfortable for both of you. Tell the person you have always valued their friendship, and you still do, even though it must now be on a slightly different basis.
Ask the person how he or she is feeling about the new relationship, and give them an opportunity to express those feelings. Then, ask for the person's support as you enter your new role. In return, commit to always holding the other person in as high regard as before and respecting his or her contribution.
This type of discussion has the potential to become emotionally fraught, but it must be done, if for no other reason than to clear the air.
Next, you need to consider the "optics" of your friendship, i.e. the perception others in the department have. Even if you are not giving this person any special treatment, sometimes people refuse to believe that. Because you were friends before, some people will assume they will always have an advantage over everyone else.
You can attack this issue on two fronts. First, bring it up with your friend. You can say that even though you have both gone out of your way to avoid any perception of favouritism, some people seem determined to imagine it. Ask the person if he or she has any ideas on how you might handle it, and you might be surprised at the insights you get from a different perspective.
On the other hand, you need to speak with those who believe they are being treated unfairly and get things out in the open. This conversation will test your communication skills, as it can also be emotional. But again, it's better to have the discussion than just hope the problem will go away, because it won't.
Remember those days before you were promoted, when you and your colleagues would talk about problems at work? Remember how everyone used to vent about what was going on at any given time? Remember all those "ain't it awful?" conversations?
Well, all that has to stop now. As a manager, particularly a new one, you can't afford to discuss business problems with your employees. It's too easy for someone to say something that you must receive in a different way now that you are representing management.
You are much better off to nurture relationships with other people at your level but in other areas of the company, or even mentors outside the company. You can safely use these people as a sounding board when you have business ideas to discuss or problems to solve.
I hope I haven't put you off the whole idea of becoming a manager! Certainly there's a whole new set of challenges facing you now, but solving problems is a major management skillset, so you might look on this as one of your first opportunities to sharpen those skills.
by: Helen Wilkie
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