Save Your Marriage By Being Silent
This article isn't about never talking to one another
. It is about learning to talk about the right things and not wasting your time on the wrong things. Some spouses simply cannot handle lurid truths about their sweethearts' past.
Lee and Lila both were virgins until one day they became so passionate on a date that they had sex. Lee and Lila went on to marry different people. Lee felt he had to tell his new wife, Zoe, about what happened with Lila. Zoe was so hurt by his confession that it was all Lee could do to save his marriage.
Many time is it the man who cannot bear to hear about his wife experiences. William had a few sexual encounters when he was in the army, but that was to be expected, wasn't it? When his wife, Mackenzie, said she'd had a few, too, he was shocked, hurt and filed for divorce. William just walked out - he did not feel his marriage was worth saving.
Now, listen to this scenario and you decide if this marriage could have been saved. Karen wouldn't sleep with Elijah until they said, "I do." He wasn't interested in Karen's past; but she was vitally interested in his. She was persistent and demanded to know the details. She was furious that he had endangered her by his sleeping around that could very well result in STD's for them both. A year after they said, "I do," she said, "I don't," and left.
One man wrote: How honest, truthful and open should a husband be in relating past pre-marriage experiences?
Whoa, wait a minute! What about husband AND wife? Women not only fought for equal pay for equal work, but they won equal rights to be promiscuous. At that point the men used it to their advantage. They turned the ladies' indiscrete behavior to their advantage until women now are expected by many to give out sexually on a first date or soon after. Shacking up once a guy breathes to a woman, "I love you. Will you marry me?" is commonplace. Although they won a battle, women lost the war.
Here is another typical example - Anna and Luke move into an apartment together as soon as they said "I love you." He loves me and I love him. That's all that matters, she told herself, so their living together was not wrong in her estimation.
After a time she excitedly asked, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we married and had a baby?" Neither one of those experiences were in his five year plan. No way was he going to do either. "I have to be free, Anna," he said. Anna had no claims on him...love or otherwise. Not only could she not save the relationship, she began to see that if he did marry her, she probably wouldn't be able to save their marriage, either.
Here is the key issue regarding your past. If you want a relationship or marriage to last, it's best to be open about your sexual conquests or promiscuousness before you get involved if there is any danger at all that sexual disease might have resulted. This is the only reason to offer the information.
Here is the key issue regarding your past. If you want a relationship or marriage to last, it's best to be open about your sexual conquests or promiscuity before you get involved if there is any danger at all that sexual disease might have resulted. This is the only reason to offer the information.
Living with guilt is the reason that people say "give it over to God". Go to confession. In fact, while you're there, consider surrendering your life to Him. Your relationship with God can guide your path for your future. That's the best way of all to save a marriage or relationship.
For those of you who avoided sexual encounters before marriage, you are a whole lot smarter than those who didn't. Just don't fall into the trap of promiscuity. Keep it pure and you won't ever be in a position of trying to save your marriage later because of sexual dalliances. If you indulged and are cornered so you have to tell all, assuming you are interested in saving your marriage, tell your partner humbly and with a great deal of regret. Ask his/her forgiveness as well as God's.
Ask his/her forgiveness as well as God's. Remember that you do not have to find your way alone. We're here for you to show you the way to strengthen or save your marriage. Spend some time with us at www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com and find some direction along with us. Dr. Vance Hardisty, International speaker and author, Margaret Hardisty, International Best Selling Author and Speaker, Love Relationship Headquarters - www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com
by: Dr. Vance Hardisty
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