Should You Take Your Ex Back?
Millions of men and women have toiled over whether or not to allow an old flame back
into their lives and the question never seems to be an easy one to answer. Because so many relationships end for different reasons it can be very difficult to rely on the perspective of others for help.The first question one must ask in such a situation is: Why did the relationship end in the first place? Though seemingly simple to answer it is important that you and your ex understand and agree about the answer to this question. Without understanding why your relationship did not work out the first time around there is little hope that a second try will yield a different result.
Though there are many different reasons which might cause two people to be incompatible in a relationship, there are some specific situations which many couples can identify with that help to list when seeking justifications for a second try:
Past Infidelity: Unlikely
Many of the best infidelity warning signs go unnoticed by those who do not wish to see them. In the end most indiscretions of this nature come to light in some or another and often cause the ending of the relationship.
If you or your partner were unfaithful in the past it may prove very difficult to rebuild your relationship. Such an injury to feelings can be nearly impossible to overcome, even if the person involved is able to reach a point of forgiveness. The largest problem in this situation is the lack of trust that often accompanies it. While some couples are able to heal from such actions, many relationships are never as strong as they once were.
It is common for those who try to continue or restart a relationship under such circumstances to endure feelings that may never go away and can eventually bring about disaster.
Unwarranted jealousy is often found in such relationships because the fear of being cheated on again continues under the surface. It is also quite common for those who have been through such an experience to feel wildly insecure and in need of constant reassurance from the person who injured their feelings.
Whether the situation was cheating in marriage or in early stages of a relationship the likelihood of a successful reunion is often low.
Commitment Issues: Likely
Depending upon how traumatic the ending of the prior relationship proved to be, a second chance at a relationship where commitment previously presented a problem often has a good chance to succeed.
In such cases it is often one person in the relationship who is experiencing difficulty with the idea of being committed to the other. When that person feels confident enough to try again it often indicates that the person has, at least in part, overcome their fears of the general idea because they feel very strongly about the person they lost. While it certainly stands to reason that one who has made no progress in their fear of commitment is likely to succeed in any relationship, the return for a second try is very unlikely if this should prove true.
Financial Struggles: Moderate
The burden of financial difficulty can often create severe relationship problems and can cause endings that may otherwise not have occurred. Few aspects of a relationship have as much weight as the issue of finance at all that is represents.
If the struggle that had previously been present has been eliminated the chances for success, based on this element alone, are very good. However it is often not the money itself that causes such endings, but the nature in which it is handled by the couple involved. When one partner feels that they had been taken advantage of by the other this may cause resentment and may prove difficult to overcome.
In many cases of a financial breakup, a second try is attempted because one or both partners have struggled to change their behavior when it comes to money. If this should be the case, there is a good chance that such an attempt will succeed, so long as the new and improved attitude towards finances remains.
Abuse: Unlikely
When a relationship reached its' finish because abuse was taking place, it is extremely unlikely that a second try will prove to be successful. Whether the abuse was mental or physical the injured party often struggles with the past, even if the abuser has managed to rid themselves of such horrible tendencies.
There are couples who manage to make relationships of this kind work a second time around, but the results are often a bitter-sweet mixture of longing, regret and guilt. Certainly this kind of love tests even the strongest of wills and there are few who could truly overcome such a painful past to find true happiness.
Self Growth: Likely
A relationship that ends because one or both members find that they must have some space for personal growth does not often leave the people involved feeling to resentful. Certainly it is difficult to argue that anyone who feels that they need space to become stronger or in order to get their life on track should not do so.
Those who feel the need to seek out dating help by testing their compatibility with others may have a valid point in wanting to explore their options, but may also ruin their chances with the person they chose to leave. The likelihood of a reunion under such circumstances is hard to predict as so many people have different opinions about the general idea.
Because this ending is often one that indicates positive change, any hurt feelings or disappointment may be easily over come when given a second chance. One might even consider that the person who needed some distance sought to improve themselves in order to feel more worthy of their previous partner.
Forced Separation: Moderate
If two people are unable to continue their relationship for reasons beyond their control they are likely to wonder what might have been and be very enthusiastic about a chance to try again. If the relationship came to an end before there was much of a chance to test the compatibility of the two people involved it is very difficult to say what chance the couples has.
There are many reasons why two people might be unable to continue, or perhaps even have much of chance to begin a relationship and might be forced to separate. Some examples of this type of situation might be: work related move; family related move; a serious illness; a difficult period in life to engage in romance.
Dealing with separation that was caused by an outside source often creates feelings of longing and curiosity. For these reason the couple may feel an extraordinary amount of passion and enthusiasm when a second shot at being together is given. The past included many forms of courtship that included a period of time where two people were forced to keep a distance between them and his often creates strong feelings if the initial interest exists.
Addiction Issues: Unlikely
While millions of people seek treatment for addictive habits and recover successfully, there are many who put those they love through such extreme abuse before seeking help that it is often difficult for their loved ones to forgive them.
A great deal of how likely two people may find their matchmaking after one or both have had difficulties with an addictive habit often completely depends upon the treatment that was given out during the period of struggle. If a great deal of abuse took place it is very unlikely that even a fully recovered addict will be able to gain back the complete trust of the person whom they treated so poorly.
Though some couples may be able overcome this kind of struggle it will take a great deal of patience and understanding to recover from not only the past, but the underlying fear of the addiction returning.
General Advice:
The best chance any couple has at a second chance for a successful relationship is making sure that whatever problems or circumstances separated them in the past are now resolved. Those who feel that any problem can be overcome by their affection and respect, even love for one another may indeed find that no obstacle is too great. However, in some cases such feelings are not enough to endure the difficulties that can make certain relationships so difficult.
by: Addison Kross