Signs Of Parental Pressure & Ways To Minimize It In Youth Sports
Parental pressure exists for kids playing youth sports
, even with very supportive parents. Some parental pressure is normal and adults who try to eliminate all pressure are probably hurting young athletes even more so. The only ways to eliminate parental pressure is by not caring at all or by offering false praise that clouds a child's perception altogether.
I have run into many parents who only put their kids in sports to get them out of the house or never put them in sports programs because they do not want to have to run them to and from practice and games. It is not uncommon to see parents, who are so concerned about not hurting their child's feelings, that they always tell them how good they are doing, when their child's effort level or results do not merit such complimentary talk. Of course, there is a fine line between false praise and warranted praise, but that is a story for another day. These situations are all about the parents and do not attend to their childs best interests.
Of course, applying too much parental pressure is never good. There a fine line between some normal pressure and "pushing" an athlete with excessive pressure. Generally speaking, parents have probably gone into the pushing area when kids get very upset over their parent's advice, questions or actions to the point where they question if playing is worth it any more. Having said this, following are ways that parental pressure is often applied:
1. Threatening Statements - "You have to practice more" or "Why dont you think out there (in the game)" or "When I was your age I could etc" or "I am not coming to your games anymore if that is the way you are going to play." I could go on and on. Often, these comments are whispered just loud enough for their kid to hear but they may as well be screamed at the top of their lungs because of how hurtful they can be to youth.
2. Unnecessary gestures - head shakes, roll of eyes, look away, kicking the ground - and, maybe the worst scenario, by ignoring kids after competition when they did not play up their parent's expectations.
3. Criticism commenting negatively on child's effort or results often and immediately after games or comparing them negatively to others. Occasionally showing disappointment is normal but never seeming satisfied with kids performance builds pressure, often to the breaking point.
4. Expectations parents often have unreachable or unreasonable expectations that put pressure on their kids.
5. Physical abuse or Verbal Abuse some parents go beyond threatening statements into the abuse area. Obviously this most damaging because these parent tear down kids self-esteem with phrases like, You will never be any good, or Why cant you play like so and so, or You are embarrassing me. Parents who use any physical actions that are meant to show their displeasure are placing such pressure on their kids that long-term behavioral problems may surface in the youths life.
Often, outsiders will notice situations where kids have an excessive amount of parental pressure, but unfortunately parents themselves often do not recognize it.
There are ways to keep parental pressure to a minimum, with the understanding that, as mentioned, some pressure is natural and fine. Here are some tips that can help parents minimize the pressure they inevitably place on their kids:
1. Do not let kids feel like your day revolves around their game and their play that day, even though it is often the highlight of the day.
2. Do not grill kids about their play immediately after a game unless the player offers their own thoughts first. General questions like how they and the team played or did they have fun are good, though.
3. After dinner or the next day is a good time to discuss the player's performance and offer constructive advice. Leading off conversations with a positive statement about the childs play is always recommended before offering any advice for the next time.
4. Learn to evaluate a player's effort level and not results. Individual athletes cannot usually control winning and results, only their preparation and effort. Of course, players in individual sports have more control over winning than in team sports.
5. The practice of offering rewards (i.e. ice cream stop, money, etc.) for good play is not recommended.
6. Remaining positive and encouraging is the key to allowing kids time to have some athletic success. Success often comes to players who have supportive, patient, understanding, and realistic parents.
7. Do not hesitate to apologize after showing any occasional frustration over a childs play - "I'm sorry, but I want you to do so well, that's part of being a parent" - or, something to that effect, is positive parenting. After all, parents are not perfect and this will express that to your kids.
In conclusion, parents are not always going to be perfect when it comes to being a positive sports parent because of their emotional involvement with their kids. However, parents should continually strive to be more positive and maintain the proper youth sports perspective.
by: Jack Perconte
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