Spiritual Relationships and Healing

Relationships can be an exciting path to the unknown

. It is a path of self-discovery and ultimately the divine, as we open ourselves to one another. But it requires courage - courage to be open and to experience pain. Yet it is this process that to heals our wounds, and frees us of past, self-limiting conditioning.

When we become attached in a relationship, we worry about losing it. Our fears and defenses get activated, and we end up hurting the relationship in our attempts to maintain it. But with faith and trust in ourselves, we can let go of our conviction that our partner is essential to our well-being. This enables us to relinquish control and unspoken expectations that our partner meet our needs and fantasies.

We would realize that we are both on a path of mutual discovery. In surrendering our ego to this process, we learn that our best interests need not be in conflict with the best interests of others. Eventually, open and honest communication replaces attempts to manipulate and control. When our attitude is one of acceptance, rather than clinging and expectation, unconditional love is possible. The relationship becomes a haven for two souls to experience themselves and each other in a space of love, respect and freedom - not from a place of fear of being known - having to look good, or protecting, controlling or fixing one another.

As we learn to give loving, non-interfering attention and communicate truthfully, a safe, healing environment of unconditional love is created, where we can let down our defenses. Being in its presence feels exhilarating if we are not trying to hide. Such intimacy supports our wholeness. By risking defenselessness, we begin to see ourselves and others more clearly, and our past conditioning and emotional blocks are released. We uncover who we truly are, our divinity, in the intimate presence of another - and realize that we are enough, that our wholeness and self-acceptance does not depend on what others think, but on self-awareness. We discover that our defenses, which we thought kept us safe and made us strong, only fortify feelings of inadequacy, and become obstacles to intimacy, growth and real inner strength. Trusting our vulnerability, we hesitatingly walk through our fears; they evaporate, and we become stronger. Letting go of defenses requires the willingness to experience all of our feelings; however, as we do this, our capacity for unconditional love and healing relationships grows.

Such a relationship requires two people committed to a spiritual process, and to move beyond their fears and limitations. It requires a willingness to experience the pain of working through old programming, and to love deeply. We must be willing to relinquish control as we and our partner move on this path. The commitment must be to the spiritual process of growth, and trusting that if we are honest with ourselves and each other, a healthy relationship will flourish, and an inappropriate one will change or dissolve.

Spiritual Relationships and Healing

By: Darlene Lancer, MFT

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