Stockton Heath Residents' Shock and Awe at Santa Snaffling Sneaky Thieves

Stockton Heath Residents' Shock and Awe at Santa Snaffling Sneaky Thieves

The Massive Santa Before The Theft

Stockton Heath residents were left shocked this week following the theft of an enormous inflatable Santa from a garden in the area. The Father Christmas, standing some 18 metres tall, was filched by sneaky thieves on Sunday 5th December and belonged to well known local businessman, Dick Wanger.

Mr. Wanger, owner of local celebrity house moving company and stripy animal based man and van service, Zebra Removals, said :-

" I couldn't believe it, I popped out for a couple of hours to collect the rent from the local orphanage and when I came home all that was left of my super-sized St. Nick were two giant footprints in the snow "

Giant Erection.

Mr. Wanger has run into trouble recently over his erection of the giant jolly Santa, with some residents claiming he should have to apply for planning permission and that it may be a hazard to aircraft if it broke free from the ropes tethering it to the ground.

" I have my suspicions " said Mr. Wanger " I know a few of the locals weren't keen on my towering Yuletide inflatable and I think one of them may be behind this "

Bouncy Knockers.

Mr. Wanger purchased the red and white monstrosity from on-line tat bazaar eBay and has offered a 5 reward for the return of his huge hot air filled decoration saying:

" If I get it back before Christmas Eve I may even make it a tenner, I know a lot of people round here knock me and my bouncy balloon filled front garden but this has gone too far. "

The local police have been informed of the audacious rubber robbery and have so far had little success in tracking down the house sized Santa. Local Community Police Constable, Albert Twatlock told us:

" We have had some unconfirmed sightings of theairship sized eyesore in the Stockton Heath area, the most notable being a report that it was seen in the beer garden of the local Public House, The Dog Inn, engaged in a lewd act with a blow up Snow White "

Stockton Heath Snatch.

The once affluent Warrington superb of Stockton Heath has seen a rapid rise in crime recently with 396 garden gnomes being stolen in one night and several drive by bag snatches widely thought to have been carried out by a local group of criminals known as the " Appleton Massive "

Local resident and member of The Stockton Heath Chamber of Commerce, Fanny Tickle, told us:

" It's becoming terrible round here lately, just the other night a man tried to gain access up my back entry but I managed to scare him off by making barking and snarling noises doggy style "

Blow Job.

Any information as to the whereabouts of the missing Father Christmas should be passed on to the local police or Crimestoppers.

Without a constant source of hot air the oversized ornamental oddity will eventually start to deflate and will require blowing up, so he may be slightly thinner than in the picture, although due to the massive size of the barrage balloon like decoration, this would take some time.

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