Suffering Extremes of Anxiety Disorders
Suffering Extremes of Anxiety Disorders
Suffering Extremes of Anxiety Disorders
Being diagnosed with anxiety disorder in the last eight years wasn't easy for me. It has been a battle with various harrowing and life-threatening effects. This came after the accident that my family and I went through a few months before the diagnosis came in. I was driving with my husband and our 8-year-old grandson after Pierre got his retirement benefits. We were headed to have camping with our wide-eyed-with excitement Aaron when it happened. The accident had Pierre and me into so many surgeries. Thank God Aaron only suffered contusions.
It was while recovering from my sixth pelvic surgery that I started dreading waking up each morning. An ominous feeling always gripped my consciousness from the time I wake up and it just worsens when the day progresses. At worse, I would just collapse in a corner, in fetal position, sweating and just paralyzed, literally.
Pierre decided, against my will, to seek help. And it was established that I am suffering from panic disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. I wasn't yet fully recovered physically at this point, and to suffer the symptoms of both disorders everyday was excruciating.
Both disorders have extremely opposite effects on me. One would make me totally numb on an emotional level while the other would give me extraordinarily heightened perception of things. Sometimes, both would even start at the same time and I would suspect at times that I was going crazy.
When panic attacks kick in, I feel the space would close in on me it would be very hard for me to breathe, and even when my doctor kept reminding me that the physical pain is only a subsequent effect of what my mind is actually projecting (terror), I would feel actual chest pains.
Worse, I feel like I would be having a heart attack each time the panic attacks reach its peak my heart would beat very fast, I sometimes feel the beating is actually visible on my chest. The palpitations would get worse and I would gag and feel like choking, making breathing even more difficult.
The panic attacks would sometimes be a few seconds, however, when it goes beyond fifteen minutes, I would be drenched in my own sweat and I would feel weak afterwards. There are times I would pass out.
Almost often, I feel a great feeling of weariness and sadness. Then as suddenly as it started, the attack would be replaced by a feeling of numbness, and I would feel nothing emotionally at all. Two opposite state of mind both occurring almost simultaneously.
As my physical recuperation improved, the attacks diminished. What became a daily part of my waking life would now be more manageable occasional incidents in a month. However, I still worry obsessively over petty things and the feeling of terror still occurs at any time of the day.
Conscious efforts and disciplined personal routines plus a consistent set of sessions with the doctor greatly helped in aligning my perceptions and gradually decreased the attacks.
Coming to terms with the accident was one great way of improving the chances of not having attacks at all. The more I go through the pain of the whole experience and accept the inevitable consequences (Pierre is now permanently confined to a wheelchair while I am still dependent in painkillers for the effects of my pelvic surgeries), the more I am able to cope with the effects of the attacks.
It is a very slow progress, but I feel that I am able to control the attacks that are associated with anxiety disorders.
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