Surviving The First Year Of Marriage
The honeymoon stage, marital bliss and newlyweds are all words to describe you and your first year of marriage
. While the words conjure up images of simplicity, passion and possibly choirs singing in the background, the truth about the first year of marriage comes as quite a shock to many lovebirds. According to information collected by the US Census Bureau, the median age of a woman at their first divorce is 29, for men it is 30.5. The Bureau also reports that the average number of years a marriage lasts in the United States is 7.8.
This by no means is meant to suggest that your marriage is doomed. But, many couples are not prepared for what is in store for them. When people are young, they have the illusion that the love they share with their husband or wife is stronger than the love of couples who have come before them. But, regardless of how strong you feel your love is, marriage still takes work.
Here is what you can expect in your first year of marriage, and advice for how you can keep your bond strong.
Expect change: Natural changes always happen in any relationship. It is just a matter of being prepared for them. For example, if you have never lived with your spouse prior to being married, then you might discover new things about him that you are unaccustomed to. Does he leave his clothes on the floor, or dishes in the sink? These are just small nuisances to expect. But these minor annoyances can be dealt with quickly as long as you make an effort to bring them up in a calm and noncritical way.
There may also be emotional changes as well. Now that you are no longer in the courting stage of your relationship, you may find that your partner is less vocal about his admiration for you. It doesnt mean that he loves you any less, but perhaps he expects that you know already how much he cares for you. Often couples in counseling discuss their love languages to discover the many ways that they both express love, and how they prefer to receive love.
Work on communication skills: It is stressed to couples that communication is key to creating a strong marriage. But, communication is about more than expressing all of your feelings. You should also work on your communication style:
Watch your tone of voice
Make requests, not demands, of your spouse
Dont make accusations
Use I statements to explain how youre feeling
Dont hold onto past issues
Nurture your relationship: Many times, couples start to take one another and their union for granted. But, just like any living thing, marriage needs attention and care if it is going to grow. This means taking the time to talk with your spouse about areas of the relationship you arent pleased with and making an effort toward improvements. In order to strengthen the nurturing aspect of their marriage, this is the point where many couples turn to counseling.
Keep up date nights: Yes, you both sat on the couch and watched the 11 oclock news together last night, but that does not qualify as a date. Neither does the car ride you took to the home improvement store last weekend. Just because you dont feel the constant need to impress one another anymore, and you likely see each other every day, doesnt mean you dont need a night out once in awhile. Some of the longest lasting couples still schedule time alone. The responsibility of preparing for the date can be alternated. This week look around for things your spouse really likes, maybe tickets to see a certain sports team, or to movie in the theater that has their favorite actor in it, and surprise him. Then, the next week, it is his turn to surprise you. The constant exchange will help add excitement to the week and offers another way to show your appreciation for one another.
by: Linda James
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