The Law of Relationships
Each of our lives is centrally about relationships
. Our relationship with God and with all given us in this life: our family, friends, enemies, the stranger by the way, and all those in between.
Though by the actions of some it may appear otherwise, it becomes clear through our life experiences that all people everywhere, are God's children. Consequently, not only does the Lord love all people, regardless of our choices or love for Him, but our Heavenly Father also beckons us to love everyone in our lives, especially those who do not love us or may try to make of us their enemies.
To the extent we focus our lives upon ourselves we are empty and alone. But when we begin living to bless others, we open the way to a well-lived life, in which we feel the Lord's hand upon us, bringing us peace and gladness.
Perhaps for every person who has ever lived, or ever will, our first kernel of wisdom is that our happiness is largely reliant upon how we treat others and they treat us. It is our experiences with those in our lives that consume us with so much inexpressible joy that tears gush from our soul's core; or canker us with so much sadness, jealousy, fear, pain, anger, etc., to make us wail as the very damned soul.
Because we want to be loved and dispel all contention from our lives so we may be joyful and serene, it is good for us to know we hold the keys for our own peace and largely for the harmony others feel for us.
As our happiness and solidarity rests almost entirely upon the condition of our relationships, we have been given what may appropriately be termed the Law of Relationships, appropriately taught with elegant simplicity and clarity. As our joy and peace are largely regulated by it, there is no more useful and beneficial truth for us to know.
Taking-and-losing
One of the clearest iterations of the Law of Relationships is recorded within what is commonly known as The Sermon on the Mount, in the final 11 verses of Matthew 5, beginning with verse 38. The Lord first gives the lesser law, which most of those listening to Him at that time were living, as well as most of us today, regardless of our faith or culture. Then He invites them-and us-to live a radically divergent standard. He said, "Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth."
When someone takes from us, we suffer loss. This plants within us the natural desire to take from them to compensate for our hurt. Because this is natural and common among all people, we may feel justified in taking whenever we lose. After all, they took from us first. It is widely spoken, "You would have done the same thing if it had happened to you." These passions are universal and the laws of most nations uphold that this governance is just and enforceable.
Though the law set bounds that the taking was not to exceed the full measure of the loss, the unavoidable result of us taking from another person to compensate for our loss is that the person we take from is then harmed. Though they started it, their suffering is nonetheless real and naturally awakens within them the desire to take from us or from someone else to compensate for their grief. When they do this, we-or someone else-loses and will seek to take from that person or another to compensate for this new loss.
Taking-and-losing is the order of the natural world as we know and exist in it. It is all about the business of accumulation and recovering from loss. After all, if we do not take from others, how will we gain and progress? And if we do not retaliate against those who take from us, won't they simply walk all over us?
Taking-and-losing is the powerful negative half of The Law of Relationships and a natural course in mortal life. It permeates our least to greatest experiences and relationships. Whether we are among our own family or out among others, our every day is wearily packed with "take-and-lose" exchanges. Someone may push upon us a negative expression, say something derogatory to us or to someone else about us, take the apple we were going to buy, cut us off in traffic, or move in front of us in line. Someone may steal by diverse means our friend, spouse, or children, or our money, transportation, or house. There are thousands of engagements, many of which we unavoidably experience while still children.
Each time someone takes from us, no matter how small our loss, it naturally triggers within us an urge to take from the person responsible or from someone else. People comment, "Watch out for that person." Most often, these are those who have freshly suffered being taken from. They may be better later, but until they find someone to take from to compensate for their loss, they are dangerous to be around.
There is some instant satisfaction in retaliating by taking. The taker feels justified, and may utter the phrase, "That felt good." But the thin savor of taking soon turns sour and is not the stuff of happiness. In fact, it is the certain propellant of negative relationships and shrinking souls.
Giving-and-receiving
The Giver of Life continues, "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil."
In its simplest form, the Master counsels us that taking-and-losing may feel natural and others may justify our participation, but it is evil and we should refuse the inclination to participate. To "resist" is to push or fight against something pushing us. The Lord clearly counsels us not to push back, not to become mired in the evil bog that is the world's fundamental taking-and-losing economy.
This is a provocative and radical invitation. However, there must be losses we may experience in our lives that are so major they are exceptions. What of them? Anticipating our tendency to seek out the least requirements for living this foundational life principle, the Lord next gives three experience-examples so fierce and broad, it leaves us little room for exemptions. Yet, He also provides the redemptive key to living The Law of Relationships imbedded in each example.
"[W]hosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also."
Perhaps nothing can be taken from us more personally than our dignity. There are few things that so patently communicate contempt and personal disdain than for one person to slap another in the face. Few can suffer loss in this raw manner without mounting a furious response in an attempt to compensate for such intimate injury.
Unquestionably, the universally-felt emotions of this offense are the reason the Savior used it as His first example. This is not merely a loss. When we have been taken from so savagely, is there anyone who would not deal out passionate vengeance?
So, those gathered on the mount must have been-as well as we today may be-stunned into quiet reflection as to what would happen if we turned our other cheek and gave such a rude, affrontive person the opportunity to strike us again.
When I read this the first time I was in high school. I understood what the Lord counseled, but the application seemed unreasonable and impossible. My thoughts went to three bullies who had tormented many of my fellow students and me in earlier years. They did not seem quite human, to say nothing as appearing to be children of God. As I considered what they would do if I turned my other cheek to them, it seemed certain they would strike me again with all the more rancor.
As the Lord continues, He reduces the possibilities for exceptions even more as He invites, "And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also."
Whether we are in a small claims action or more sophisticated legal entanglement, when we are forced into public display and charges are brought against us, it is caustic almost beyond enduring. Especially if we are defendants with little or no means to protect ourselves- particularly if we have only life's essentials to be taken. Courts and their very public attacks and defenses are necessary among most people, but how sad are the consequences from such caustic practices, too often damaging all participants.
And so, the King of Heaven speaks of someone who sues us when we have no home, no wagon, and no animals for them to take, so the most they may sue us for is our coat. If someone pursues this meager target and they win, then, after we have suffered the humiliation of public accusation and defeat, and our coat is taken from us by force of law, then the Master invites us to give the taker, of our own freewill, perhaps one of our very last possessions, our cloak, the covering for our coat.
The third example may seem easier compared with the first two, but was especially challenging for the listeners in the day and place it was given. Palestine was occupied by Rome. All who were not natural Roman citizens were subject to carry the load of a Roman soldier for one mile. Knowing they could usurp their time and strength, non-Roman citizens avoided Roman soldiers. And so, the Master said, "Whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain."
Imagine our day is tightly scheduled. We are pressing forward, running the good race of life and we round a corner and straight into a Roman soldier who commands us to take his burden on our shoulders and follow him a mile. But we have those expecting us who will worry when we do not timely arrive. There are things we will not be able to do which we have planned. Further, this will likely take us in a direction contrary to the one we had before determined.
Perhaps of the three examples, this one offers us the most insight into the power of this second half of The Law of Relationships. For at the end of the mile, when the intrusive person says they are finished with us, we hold onto their burden and say in effect, "You must need my help. You took the first mile. Let me carry your load for another mile as my gift to you." In this example, we can begin to see how positive change might naturally occur in the person who took from us, as well as in ourselves, when we freely give to them.
The thoughts of the usurper regarding us during the first mile are easy to understand. But what of the second mile? What would the feelings and conversation be like? Perhaps the imposer will ask why we are helping them. They may suspect the trickery of the world. They may be concerned we have expectations this will obligate them to us in some way. Every question allows us to speak what we truly feel. "My friend, you need help and I am pleased to give it to you." Such gifts change the temperament of both receiver and giver, and decimates the negative power that comes from taking.
The Lamb of God first clearly demonstrates that when someone takes from us and we lose, our natures change and we are driven to compensate for our loss by taking from someone else. However, He next reveals that just as surely when someone gives to us and we receive, we gain; and in this expansion we are naturally, consistently motivated to give to the person who gave to us, as well as to others.
We may be given a smile, an embrace, a listening ear, food, transportation, clothing, or shelter. Regardless of how slight or great the gift, we receive, and in receiving our natures change. We are empowered to give, to virtually share the good. We may offer encouragement, place our hand on a drooping shoulder, write someone a gracious note, clean their home, or provide vital resources. No matter the gift, the receiver is enlivened with the spirit of giving.
Just as taking-and-losing are negative and downward spiraling, leading to death, darkness, and sadness, so giving-and-receiving are positive and upward spiraling, leading to life, light, and happiness.
Invitation to Become a Peacemaker
And so, we are invited to embrace the truth that we have the power to positively affect and, in many exchanges, improve altogether the temperament of every person we encounter; and in so doing, to change our own natures. When commencing this very different path, our transformation may not initially be complete or permanent. However, we will immediately and powerfully commence impacting everyone in our lives in a manner leading them and us to peace and contentment.
The Law of Relationships
By: John J Lee Jr
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