The Mean Girls Are Back

The other day I called my youngest sister, Cassidy

. She is in 5th grade and easily the lowest maintenance, most kind-hearted, 10-year-old girl I know. It broke my heart when she answered the phone without her normal chipper greeting. She told me it had been a hard day. When I asked her why, she told me a story about these girls in her class that have been teasing her since the beginning of the year. That particular day was worse than ever because after they mocked her, Cassidy laid her head on her school desk and quietly sniffled to herself. The girls saw this, and instead of feeling guilty, they followed her and announced, "Now this is just pathetic; you're crying!" I was in shock! Why are girls are so mean? These girls are not the typical age stereotyped by the movie "Mean Girls," but without doubt, these 5th grade girls have an edge to them that is calculating and spiteful. According to Krista Kent, a middle school counselor in Salt Lake City, Utah, young girls are meaner now than they have ever been and there are two main reasons for the bullying that exists among females. The first reason is for status building or popularity and the second is for defending one's territory.

Kent said the first signs of bullying begin in 3rd grade. Girls are trying to establish themselves at this point as the "popular" ones. The first evidences of gossip and mockery begin around this age as girls try to build themselves up by tearing others down. They usually pick on the easy targets or the cute girls the bullies are jealous of. Easy targets include girls that come from poor families, are soft-spoken, less mature, or are socially and/or physically awkward. Jealousy usually tends to be based on appearance, other friendships, and perceived popularity standing. This type of bullying to build popularity lasts until the middle school years and then emerges again for high school.

Once girls enter middle school, the motivation behind bullying changes. Kent said of middle school girls, "Now it's a territorial thing, mostly based on fear." If a teenage girl has a crush on a boy and sees another girl flirting with him, a territorial rush sets in and everyone better watch out, Kent said. Bullying exists at this age because females are concerned and scared they are going to lose the status they worked so hard to establish. They become territorial about boys mostly. Girls at this age want so badly to impress the male population, something that really never mattered much during the elementary years. Self-esteem begins to suffer during this time because females compare themselves to others. There are many contributing factors that combine to make girls feel they must defend themselves, and that is why they act so tough and may bully others.

In high school, the girl drama definitely still exists, but the motivation for making fun of others, gossiping and bullying reverts back to the building of personal popularity and status. Girls are not solely trying to impress the boys anymore; now teenage girls feel pressure to be the best girl, be surrounded by pretty girl friends, and have a hot boyfriend on their arm. Girls tear other girls down in front of their friends in order to increase their social standing. It is not so much a territorial thing, because they feel secure in the territory/social group they are in, but now they want to be known as the best girl in their "clique."

All in all, Kent believes bullying has gotten much worse among females. It may not be catfights in the school halls, but the backbiting, gossip and cyber bullying are at all time highs. Even more unfortunate is that once girls get into the habit of tearing others down, it is hard to stop. But putting an end to bullying is possible; the remedy is adopting a positive self-esteem that involves not comparing oneself to others. Or, if all else fails, follow the advice from my favorite childhood movie, Bambi, "If you can't say anything' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

by: C S Lewis

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