Want To Get Your Marriage Back Together Again? These Tips Might Help
Want To Get Your Marriage Back Together Again
? These Tips Might Help
Since I often write about saving marriage and avoiding divorce (and share my own story of how I did this myself) I often hear from women (and some men) who want tips on how to get their marriage back together.The requests range from folks who are considering or going through a divorce, are in a trial separation, or just want to improve a marriage that might be in real trouble. In this article, I will discuss the things that you can do to get your marriage back on track and the things that you must not do (don't worry, many people make these mistakes -but you can stop) that may keep you from getting the marriage you really want.
The Things You Must Not Do (Huge Mistakes) That Will Keep You From Getting Your Marriage Back Together: First off, I have to preface this article by drawing your attention to the very common mistakes that well intentioned people make when trying to save their marriages. The normal inclination when a marriage is in trouble is to do one of a few things.Many times people panic and act in desperate ways that are not typical of them. They try to strong arm their husband or wife to change their mind, use mind games, behave in unbecoming ways just to get a reaction or to get their spouse's attention. They try to make their spouse feel guilty and attempt to use all sorts of manipulation (following them around, arguing, begging, engaging, excessive phone calls and texts etc.) to convince their spouse that he or she doesn't really want distance, a divorce or aseparation.
Ask yourself what messageyou are sending out when youdo this? Try to think about this rationally for a second. What you are saying to your spouse is that their feelings are not valid that they shouldn't really be seeking a better situation or a healthy relationship.And that their husband or wife is manipulate and needy enough to try to minimize their feelings.
Is this really the message you want to send? If someone were saying or implying this to you, how would you react? I'm willing to bet that you'd likely resist strongly. My husband did when I tried these things and they backfired on me.
The tactic that is going to work so much better (for both of you) is to validate your spouse's feelings.You want to say something like "I know that you are hurt and frustrated and you have the right to be.I am committed to changing this situation with you."
Acknowledging and validating your spouse's feelings is going to ease a lot of tension and negative feelings and it is the right thing to do toward repairing your marriage.
The Things You Absolutely Must Do If You Really Want To Get Your Marriage Back Together: Hopefully, I've convinced you to work with your spouse to generate positive feelings and validation. But, telling your husband or wife that you are going to make changes isn't likely to work.If your marriage has gotten to a point where it is in serious trouble or there are talks of splitting up, there are probably a lot of issues under the bridge.
There has probably been plenty of time for change that didn't happen or that didn't happen well enough.Your spouse knows you are trying to change their mind and they know they haven't seen any real change yet. So, telling them that something positive is coming will very likely fall on deaf ears.That's ok because the days of the empty promises are hereby over.
The better thing to do instead is to show them change and improvements with your actions. This will be more genuine and will make a more dramatic impact anyway.Always ask yourself if your actions are going to bring your spouse closer to you or to push them further away? Do they make you appear more attractive or less so?
With that said, though, you don't want to appear too desperate or take this too far. Trying to go too far out on a limb and "prove" your new intentions to your spouse will only make them distrust and resist you.
Instead, GENUINELY show them the light hearted, caring, open, and vibrant person that they first fell in love with.Now, I know the circumstances are different now.You're probably older and may have children and increasing responsibilities, but I have no doubt that the two people who first fell in love are still there and are still present.Unless your spouse is completely indifferent to you, there is always a chance to get your marriage back together.
When Is It Too Late To GetA Marriage Back Together?: Many people say to me "I now understand what I have to do to save my marriage, but it's too late because my husband / wife is really done. They won't talk to me, take my calls, or have anything to do with me."
The truth is, even if your spouse is really mad or is furious with you, it's very rarely or never too late.As long as one person is willing to put in the effort and time, marriages are saved every day and many people do it alone.
Many people assume if their husband is really mad, they have to throw in the towel. The truth is, hate and love are very close on the relationship spectrum.Both are very strong feelings born out of powerful emotions. If your husband or wife were really done, they'd be indifferent not angry.
It took me a very long time to learn the lessons in this article, but I finally did. And using these techniques is what got my marriage back together (and I was the only one interested at the time.) You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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