What To Do When You're Upset At Somebody
Being upset at someone is one of the most trying times in a relationship
. If the relationship isn't important to you, you could just stop communicating with them. However, if the relationship is indeed important to you, how do you diffuse the situation without backing down on something that's important to you?
==> Separate the Anger From the Issue
Whenever you're upset at someone, there are really two things going on: You're upset, and then there's the thing you're upset about.
The first step is to separate the two. It's naturally tempting to just vent your frustrations at the person. Unfortunately, that'll just damage the relationship and not actually get anything resolved.
Clearly identify what the issue is and separate it from how you feel. The goal should be to address the issues rather than vent your frustrations.
==> Give it Time to Cool Down
Trying to talk to someone about an issue when you're still angry about it just isn't a good idea.
No matter how even tempered you are, your frustrations will leak out of your voice, body language and other non-verbal communications.
The other person will be able to tell them you're upset with them and will likely get defensive. That makes communication much more difficult.
Give yourself a bit of time before confronting someone on issues that you're upset about. In fact, if you can go for a workout or two in between to work out the agitation, that can really help diffuse the situation.
==> Having the Conversation
When you do talk to this person, the goal should be to address the issue first and foremost, then any strain on the relationship.
Start by talking out the issue at hand. Make sure you clearly communicate your stance and why you believe what you believe in. Just as important, make sure you listen and really hear what the other person believes and why.
One of you can either convince the other, you can agree to disagree or you can agree on some sort of compromise.
Once the agreement is reached, make sure there are no lingering feelings of animosity or anger. Sometimes this can take the form of a long about-the-relationship talk, at other times it can be as simple as asking the other person "Are we cool?"
==> What if the Issue Comes Up Again?
If the issue comes up once or twice, you can use a similar process to resolve it.
However, if you find the same issue coming up constantly in the same relationship, you might have a deeper problem.
Both of you need to seriously consider if this is a relationship you want to continue. If it is, you might need to have a serious sit-down talk to try and resolve the issue once and for all.
This is what to do when you're upset at someone in your life. Using this process, you'll be able to diffuse potentially relationship-damaging situations to address the core issue instead. You've also learned what to do if the same issue keeps coming up again and again.
by: Angel Noyal
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