Why Listening Matters Most
'Listening is such a simple act
'Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.' Margaret J. Wheatley, Author of The Simpler Way (1996) and Perseverance (2010)
Yesterday, Iwatched an interviewcalled 'Between Two Ferns' with the famously stern actor and political activist Sean Penn. One of the first questions the interviewer, Seth Galifianakis (!) askedPenn was did his parents ever think of calling him Ball Point? Penn,snarled, growled and glared.
The interview continued as the interviewer completely ignored any of Penn's attempts to answer his questions until it came to discussing Penn's humanitarian work. Here's the dialogue:
Galifianakis: So you have been down to Haiti?
Penn: Yes I really...
Galifianakis: Right, do they have a Six Flags Amusement Park down there?
Penn: Stunned silence, then 'No, no they don't....'
OK so this was not a serious interview. Between Two Ferns (which can be found at
www.funnyordie.com) specialises in not listening to actors like Ben Stiller, Charlize Theron and Steve Carrell. The actors never win, they never get a chance to talk about their new movie or their humanitarian work or how great their lives are. I think that's why they go on the show.
But it got me thinking. I had a difficult conversation this week about a difficult situation. The situation has escalated largely because of lack of understanding orreally seeing what is happening and doing something about it. There's been not much listening and a lot of assuming.
Listening, really listening to what's going on in someone's life requires us to put aside our pre-conceived ideas or pre-judged conclusions. After all, if I know all the answers, why have the conversation? Am I really interested? Do I really want to be involved?
I guess everything we do, including the reasons an actor does charity work, comes back to our motivation. Do we see what we want to see? Do we hear what we want to hear?Can we love past our prejudices? Can we love past our fears, mistrust or doubts?
Tough questions. I think it takes patience, discipline and humility to listen to people. Yes, there are those for whom there is never a full stop at the end of a sentence and no end to what needs to be said, then listening can become defeating and depleting. But there people, including ourselves, who sometimes needthe personwho asks 'how are you?' to wait for an answer.
Listening. What a gift to give those you love, what a way to spend time with God.I know it would make Sean Penn happy.
'Let the wise listen and add to their learning,and let the discerning get guidance' Proverbs 1 v5, NIV
Why Listening Matters Most
By: Claire Vorster
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