Why Relationships Begin to Die - The Little Prince Series
Why Relationships Begin to Die - The Little Prince Series
Daily Insight from the Story ofThe Little Prince
The most common cause of relationships going wrong is simple neglect. We take people for granted.
Whether we are talking about a romantic relationship, our relationships with family members or friends, or our work relationships, we fail to see the absolute wonder of the other person and hence neglect to treasure them.
Treasuring someone is something we do on a day by day, moment by moment basis, as we take care to tend to those things that matter to the person.
The bottom line is our ability to see the person as a unique individual, not as a mere reflection or projection of aspects of ourselves.
We have to see them in their own right, for who they truly are, not for what wethinkthey are orwish them to be.
The level at which we can meet another person for their actual self, instead of as an extension of ourselves, depends on how authentically we have connected with our own center.
We are going to beunable to respond to a person in a manner that's fitting, so that our connection with them enhances their wellbeing, if we can't do this with ourselves.
Everything we do in terms of another person always stems from how we feel within ourselves about ourselves. Insofar as we don't truly know our own being, but are living from an egoic image of ourselves, we will fail to really know the other.
As the Little Prince begins to talk about his own sweetheart, a flower back on his own planet, we get a sense of how deeply he feels for her. Even though she is presently far away, just the fact of her presence in his life lights up his life.
The Little Prince is choked up with sobbing. His ability to feel deeplyto feeleverythingthat arises in himmeans he doesn't try to stuff his emotions down inside him. In this particular situation, he doesn't avoid the sadness he is experiencing but allows himself to experience his pain fully.
He knows how tobe with his emotions, which are flowing from his feeling heartan experience that's fundamentally different from emotional reactivity, which often blocks our true feelings.
The crashed pilot, who at the start of this seventh chapter of the story of the Little Prince was entirely in his head, preoccupied with mechanical matters, is beginning to learn what it is tofeel.
Picking up on the truths the Little Prince is expounding, the pilot allows his tools to drop from his handsa powerful symbol of his switch from head to heart. No matter what else might be going on in his life and how dire his own predicament, the situation right then and there called for compassion, which caused him to reach out to comfort the Little Prince.
The pilot doesn't really know what to say. He stumbles around trying to say something reassuring, but he recognizes the inadequacy of his words.
The simple fact is, as the author puts it, "It is such a secret place, the land of tears." We can never really know what another is experiencing, never truly feel their heart as they feel it.
And so we simply choose tobe with them, which is precisely what we do when we ourselves are experiencing sadness or indeed any kind of strong emotion. We sit with the other person, just as we sit with ourselves, without trying to lessen the pain, fix the situation, or in any other way ameliorate what's occurring.
Whenever we feel awkward and tongue-tied, all we have to do is confess we don't know what to say and join the person by sitting with them in stillness.
To the degree we are able to be with ourselves, we will be able to be with another. When we can be with someone, meeting them on their own terms instead of trying to fix the situation, it's because we have finally learned to be with ourselves.
And when we are with ourselves, which is to be truly present in our life, we won't make the mistake of taking the other for granted. We will do those things that mirror our caring heart, not falling into the trap of neglecting them because of familiarity.
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