Why We Do What We Do - Ask: How Can I Change My Life?
I have been a pupil of living on a deep level and doubtless like you have pondered why we do what we do
. We occasionally ask ourselves this question because another person has wronged us, but sometimes we ask ourselves this question because of the way that we behave and that can make us go deeper and ask ourselves one more question: How Can I Change My Life?
Understanding humans down to probably the most elementary level, we know that the purpose we do what we do is usually to attain something that we want. The psychology of human beings has continually fascinated me. I was alone for much of my childhood with no adult supervision. So, I had no other way to find out how to be human, except to watch and observe other people. I thought about it a lot. I desired to understand people. I wanted to learn why we do what we do and particularlywhy other people treated me the way that they did.
As a Child I Wondered Why We Do What We DoDid you?
For a great number of years when I was treated poorly, because we all are from time to time, I thought that I needed to change something in me. I asked, "how can I change my life?" As I discovered that other people do things out of their own personal needs, I knew it wasnt me that needed to change anything at all. That didnt stop me, however, I continued to try and be the individual whom I imagined people wished me to be. Not truly living my own life. I did this for most of my life and I wasnt satisfied. I sought out to satisfy those peers and relatives in my daily life never having my own personal needs met. And so the cycle went on for decades. What a cold, UN-fulfilling existence my life had been and I permitted it to become this way. I by no means understood why other people couldn't see their way to giving me what I needed.
I figured out why we do what we doHave you?
Then it hit me, despite the fact that I understood why we do what we do no one else understood. This meant that my friends and spouse and children didn't know what I required. Its not their fault. They dont understand the psychology of others. Dale Carnegie talks about this in his book, "How To Win Friends and Influence People". If we all took the time to grasp the human needs, we would have far more satisfying relationships. I hope that if you love a person, anyone, a family member or perhaps your soul-mate that you choose to take the time to grasp that all of us have six basic human needs. Once you master this concept, you'll likely have more success in all relationships including those with people that you work with. Consider, the strength that you would have merely understanding the best way to relate with other people. The reality is that it would make you a better person simply because you are spreading joy in everyones life that you meet. If you grasp this, you will be able to attract more people, be well liked, and be more fulfilled in life.
As I go into the six basic needs of why we do what we do, you need to know that a lot depends upon three things:
1.Our state of mind
2.Our needs
3.Our belief system
Its our belief in how to get our needs met that makes us take action. Your subconscious mind stores almost every single experience in your life. Think of the state of mind of a stressed-out mom who is frazzled and react in an angry maner to her husband or children. Its not really who she really is, but instead, it is simply the state of mind and answers the question: why we do what we do. Our subconscious can be dangerous if we do not understand our own actions. The information that it stores can either be beneficial or destructive because the data in your subconscious mind ultimately forms the foundation of your belief system.
These are the 6 basic human needs. Memorize them and think to yourself how it relates to your actions and next contemplate the actions of a loved one who behaved in a confusing manner. This might shed some light on the situation for you.
1.Certainty Some times people will actually become paralyzed if they do not see certainty in something like a seeking a job for example. Think of a marriage proposal, it is with great fear of UN-certainty that some may never marry. This basic need could be at the forefront for you or it could be one of the other six basic human needs that takes center stage.
2.UN-certainty -Ironically, this human need is thrilling for some people. Not everyone is a risk taker, some people are far more conservative than others and always play it safe. Think of the "bad boy" that the girls would flock to. They did this because it was exciting, this human need in us all on some level, but some of us act on it while others keep it inside and well hidden.
3.Significance This one is HUGE my friend!! Did I yell that loud enough? Nearly every single person that you meet wants to feel significant. This human need creates more problems than almost all of the others combined. Self-esteem suffers tremendously when we do not make people feel appreciated or important. If you never have time or make time to play with your kids, dont be surprised if they interpret that to mean that you dont love them. A wife will leave a husband after many years of marriage because he never said how valuable she was to him. Human nature is to remember all of the negative "stuff" that happens or that people say to us. The truth is, we rarely say something positive to someone, rather we are often quick to castigate them.
4.Connection and love If you think about it for a second, this is obvious especially after learning how HUGE it is to feel significant. How do you suppose you can make someone feel significant? By showing love and you are connected to them. How do you show that you are connected to them? Simply by acknowledging them, their interests, their worksomething positive that they have done. Imagine if you contributed to your loved-ones hobby in some way. This is the key to a long relationship. It is when the connection disappears that the love slowly dies and the relationship is no longer nurtured. Expect the relationship to be over.
5.Growth & fulfillment When we dont grow but rather stay the same or stagnate, a part of us dies inside. Those dreams that you once had disappear. Continuous years of not realizing personal growth is the most UN-fulfilling aspect of life. Seeing personal and professional development in your life will also instill a sense of self-worth and higher self-esteem. It will give you the confidence that you need to be able to ask for that raise or submit your application for a better job. You will begin to see your life improving professionally, which will often lead to a more stable and worthwhile home life.
Can you see now, why you do what you do? Is it YOU who needs to ask: "how can I change my life?
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