You Deserve To Be Happy

Losing a spouse can be difficult enough, but dealing with the feelings of guilt associated with finding a new companion can sometimes be overwhelming

. Many people prolong their own happiness, mainly because they become obsessed with the thought of betraying their loved one by moving on. This mindset could also be encouraged by the people around them. Happiness is a right, as well as a choice. Once you fully understand this, then you will be ready to move on to the next chapter in your life.

No one can exactly measure how long you should grieve over your loved one, and no one can tell you when it is time to move on. Only you know the answer to that, and you should act upon it when you're ready .If you have emotionally accepted your loss, it is indeed time to move on. Do not be afraid to open your heart to someone new. This is not a betrayal of your loved one, but more of a commitment to yourself to continue to live life the way they would have wanted you to.

Family members can often encourage thoughts of guilt and betrayal. If this continues to occur, you may want to separate yourself from those individuals. Thank them for helping you with your grief, but assure them that you are ready to make the next step. You do not need their approval, but you should explain to them why you have chosen to keep them at a distance. Your happiness is the most important thing at this point, not pleasing others.

You may be reluctant to talk about your loved one with your new companion, but you should not be. You need to be able to fully trust this person with your feelings, and express your emotions to them at all times. You are now building the foundation of a new relationship, and holding your feelings inside will lead you off on the wrong start. If the new person is truly for you, they will understand that you will periodically grieve the loss of your spouse.

If you have children, you may have to explain to them in more detail about why you have chosen to start a new life. This will be a difficult time for everyone, but eventually your hearts will heal and your new relationship will not be threat to the memory of your deceased spouse.

by: Renee Wood, MSW

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