You Should Buy Pepper Spray For Christmas
Every now and again I get a little something from one of our boys serving abroad
. One of the things that makes us uniquely American is the ability to laugh in the middle of a war zone, a quality the terrorists dont seem to have in their jihad catalog.
This falls under the category YOU MIGHT BE TALIBAN IF:
1. You refine heroin, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3000 machine gun and a $5000 rocket launcher, but no shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your ass with your hand, but consider bacon unclean.
5. You think vests come in two styles; bulletproof and suicide.
6. You cant think of anyone you havent declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routine carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
10. Youve always had a crush on your neighbors goat.
Nowback in the dayway backGeneral Black Jack Pershing was confronted by terrorist attacks in the Philippines by Muslim extremists.
This is how he handled the situation.
General Pershing captured 50 terrorists, and had them tied to posts for execution. He then had his men bring in two pigs and slaughter them in front of the horrified terrorists. As you may know, Muslims detest pork because they believe pigs are filthy animals. Some of them refuse to eat it, while others will not touch pigs at all, or any by products. To them, eating or touching a pig, its meat, its blood, etc is to be instantly barred from paradise, (and those 72 virgins), and damned to hell.
The soldiers then proceeded to soak their bullets in the pigs blood, and then executed 49 of the terrorists by firing squad. The soldiers then dug a big hole, dumped in the terrorists bodies, and covered them with pig blood, pig guts, pig parts, and so on.
They let the 50th man go free.
For the next 42 years there was not a single Muslim extremist attack on anyone, anywhere in the world.
So to all you yellow, spineless supporters of closing Gitmo, I say:
Waterboarding is for wimps!
Lordy, what is in the coffee today? I better get off to church and shake these demons. (A couple of minutes of me singing ought to do the trick.)
Remember, if you have some extra Christmas money, you should spend it on something that loves you back. Like pepper spray.
by: Nui Kahuna
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