7 Methods To Improve Your Relationship
Good relationships do not just happen
Good relationships do not just happen. I have heard many of my consumers state that, "If I have to work at it, then is by no means is the right relationship." This is not a true statement, any more than it is true that you do not have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and pressure reduction.
I have found out in the 35 years that I've been counseling couples, 7 decisions you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a thriving one.
1. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF
This is the most important decision you can make to improve your relationship. This signifies that you find out how to take task for your own feelings and requires. This signifies that rather than trying to get your partner to make you feel glad and safe, you find out how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This signifies learning to treat you with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance rather than self-judgment. Self-judgment will systematically make you feel unhappy and insecure, regardless of how impressively your partner is treating you.
For example, rather than getting angry with your partner for your feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, you would examine your own feelings of abandonment and find out how you might be leaving behind yourself.
When you find out how to take full, 100 % responsibility for yourself and you can stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one's partner for one's own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship drawbacks, learning how to take loving care of you is important to a good relationship.
2. KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE
Treat others the way you wish to be treated. This is the essence of a spiritual life. We all yearn to be treating lovingly with kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We require treating ourselves this way, and we require treating our partner and others this way. Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. If your partner is always angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you require concentrating on what would be love to yourself as opposed to reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance.
Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking task for yourself as opposed to blaming others is the most crucial factor you can do. If you are constantly kind to yourself and your partner, and your partner is always angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, then you have to accept a far off relationship, or you require leaving the relationship. You cannot make your partner transform; you can only transform yourself.
3. LEARNING RATHER THAN CONTROLLING
When conflict happens, you always have two decisions regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some type of controlling routine. We have all learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to conquer others into behaving the way we wish, anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, protecting, lying, denying, and so on. All the ways we try to control will develop even more conflict. Remembering to learn rather than control is an essential part of improving your relationship.
For example, most people have two drastic fears that become start in relationships, the fear of abandonment of losing the other, and the fear of engulfment of losing oneself. When these fears are start, most people will immediately safeguard themselves against these fears with their controlling routine. However, if you chose to learn about your fears rather than attempt to conquer your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually, by learning rather than controlling.
4. CREATE DATE TIMES
When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Mainly after getting married, they get full of activity. Relationships require time to thrive. It is vitally crucial to set aside singular times to be together to have conversation, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintaining without time together.
5. GRATITUDE RATHER THAN COMPLAINTS
Positive energy flows between two people when there is an attitude of gratitude. Permanent complaint will develop a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be. Practice being grateful for what you have as opposed to focusing on you does not have. Complaints will develop stress, while gratitude constructs inner peace, so gratitude constructs not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health furthermore.
6. FUN AND PLAY
We all know that "work without play produces Jack a dull boy." Work without play produces for dull relationships furthermore. Relationships flourish every time people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of daily life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.
7. SERVICE
An astonishing way of establishing intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and constructs deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own drawbacks and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life. If you and your partner agree to these seven decisions, you will be stunned at the improvement in your relationship!
by: Calvin Tan
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