A WOMAN'S CURRENCY

A WOMAN'S CURRENCY

A WOMAN'S CURRENCY

(BARGAINING YOUR WAY INTO A FULFILLED LIFE)

IN THE BEGINING

Just as money is referred to as being amoral in nature, depending on whose hand it finds itself; so does our attitude contribute a lot in adding up to our lives, it is amoral; neither knowing evil nor doing good, it has no nature of its own, but is solely dependent on how and where it is being used.

Attitude is a virtue which could either take you to the highest realm in life or bring you to the lowest state of life. When dealing with relationships and life in general, the approach you take at every necessary point helps you create a good relationship or forever mare that relationship.

Attitude makes a lot of demand on human life and activities, when it is used negatively it simply resist and question the human right, it asks questions like who are you? And what do you think you are? , do you know who I am? And how dare you talk to me like that. Though it seems to speak silently, but its echo is heard clearly and received with contempt

The funny thing is that most of these questions are majorly asked by males more than their female counterpart. Men are majorly found to have reservations about people and their right as a person, and usually the recipients of these cruel questions that could only be interpreted as attitude under the guise of male ego are the females.

YOUR RIGHT TO LIFE

When people hear the word right, they quickly associate it with something good or appropriate, and they are not far of from its original intents, for right simply means our proper privilege over something

When I talk about your right as a lady, it means the advantage that comes with being a female, the benefits you have as a lady; right is something you are imbued with, and should be treasured and appreciated. But what significance is an advantage if it can not be utilized to serve you better.

ITS YOUR'S TO BUILD

A right is something that gives you the power of freedom in situations, it is the pass you have in order to acquire the best things in ife, it should serve you well in helping you build yourself and not break you to the point of making you insecure. The fact is that although your right should be seen as a tool of enhancement, not many of us know what this tools are and how to wield it to serve us well, and because so many ladies don't know their right as ladies, they fall into the hands of men whose mission it is to destroy what little treasure a woman has and reduce them to insecure people who do not know their own minds.

Your right is to be discovered, built on, appreciated, and guarded with jealousy. While wielding this tool that enhances you as a woman, you need to be careful not to use it as a weapon rather than a tool of improvement.

Ladies beware and aware of men who go about with unseen cutlasses to cut off your right as a woman, some pretend to be the best friend you thought you should have, others come wearing the "I love you please act right" coat, and there are some who pretend to be the best adviser you could ever attain. but whatever categories they belong, and in whatever way they seem to have presented themselves, always try to identify with them. Before I go on to describe these men and ways to identify them, it seems appropriate for you to know your right as a lady, woman or female first. Without that you might not be able to tell if and when you are being manipulated into dropping your right for them to trample upon. It is your right to possess or be in possession of at least these six qualities that gives a glow to your appearance, and the first is;

BEAUTY:

Beyond what people refer to as inner beauty which is very important, God created every woman with something that makes her look beautiful, something that makes them stand out, something that gives a uniqueness to their person and sets them apart from the other person, all you need is to find that thing that sets you apart from the other person, enhance it, and utilize it.

For some it is the way they smile, for others, it is the way they walk, for yet another it is the way they look (could be the texture and structure of their body or face), and for others still, it is their way of dressing; and there are some whose beauty emanate from what people refer to as their charisma or carriage. Whatever it is in your possession, it needs to be discovered and utilized, if not there's no way to protect yourself from certain men.

CONFIDENCE:

Despite the fact that we all look, act and walk differently, confidence is something that every lady should have in their possession. It is an act of feeling bold enough to confront whatever challenge that comes your way, it is the not letting anything or anyone put you down, it is that act of knowing what you want and going after it at the proper time without succumbing to negative influences around you.

It is the awareness that your color, size or height does not define what people have marked you as, it is the understanding that your height does not make you less a creature from the other person, it is the awareness that everything God has created are beautiful in his sight and you are no exception, and no one is allowed to feed you less information from that which you are already aware of.

You need to build on your confidence and know that every available product has a corresponding need for it; you need to do your best to attain confidence and know that you are the best of yourself that could ever be.

HUMILITY:

Humility is your right as a lady. Being humble does not place you beneath anybody but rather it portrays you as a woman of character. You can not resort to not being humble because you feel you don't want any man to trample upon you, or because you feel you can't allow anyone to take advantage of you and you shouldn't see your self as being more special than other people.

Having confidence does not imply loosing humility, for as good as you might look is essential but it does not take one far without a humble spirit. Confidence does not mean not acknowledging people around you' for the scripture says blessed are the humble who rate themselves as insignificant, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Humility should be seen as a dose of prescription that enhances both your beauty and confidence.

RESPECT:

Not undermining the fact that you should insist your own right as a person, human, or lady, you shouldn't forget the fact that to whom much is given much is as well expected. Respect is not something to take by force or will power, it is being earned and should flow from a natural force.

You don't need to wait for people to pay you respect, for respect is an expression of acknowledgement and not a form of worship to the other person, rather seek to attain it for yourself, so that you can spread it around you.

Respect is a contagious spirit; when you seek out to respect yourself as a lady, even the most disrespectful people will make it available to you. Seek to acquire and build on it yourself, for when you have got it; it won't be an issue of who to give it to, but who to receive.

A friend once told me the story of a very jovial lady on campus then, this lady was so friendly that she would greet everyone she came across, not waiting for them to be the first to say hello her, and not minding if they said hello or not. From the VP to the student to the fresher's, food sellers, laborers, cleaners, and the rest of them. Where ever she went, it cost her nothing to say hello and good day. She kept on dazzling people with her humble attitude and lively nature that it got to a point where people started becoming embarrassed by her greetings and the fact that she does not really mind or worry about who said hello to acknowledge the other first, so when ever they sight her approaching from afar, they prepare to say hello even before she approaches them. And because she demonstrated that to receive you have to give, even before she requests for it, they have made it available to her.

FEELING SECURE:

The act of feeling secure or doing away with insecurity falls into categories and should be addressed as they come. You could be financially secure and yet lack self-esteem, you could have esteem but need someone to approve your efforts, you could be awarded approval but yet need someone to always make decisions about your life and for you, and you can't seem to make up your own mind about any issue. Please don't get it wrong; the point here is not the fact that you should not receive advice from people but that you should have the final say in the issue since it concerns you.

I once carried out an interview on people pertaining the qualities you are looking out for in a life partner with about twelve people. Nine of them mentioned that they desire a stable person, who does not have issues of insecurity; that she should be able to make decisions on her own, with or without the presence of her spouse, a person who can carry out a project without the sole influence of people around her.

The truth is that every body wants to know that their spouse is able and capable; they want to know that they could trust this person to make the right decisions even in the absence of their partner; everybody wants someone that is not insecure.

Please don't wait for a man to tell you not to put on black shoes because you don't feel comfortable in it, don't wait for him to tell you that your bag is too bogus for the occasion you are about to attend, don't wait for a man to tell you that you are beautiful before you know that you are; after all you are made in the image and likeness of God, you should know that you are. You shouldn't wait for an approval from anybody before you live your life, after all you have got your life to live and they have got theirs.

HOLINESS:

All the qualities stated above are very important for you as a lady, but the most important of all the qualities is holiness, because it is both a quality, and a virtue. Without holiness, all other qualities are vain. It is your right as a lady to seek to attain this quality and never let go. You are reminded that you are a beautiful creature of God, but what you need to hold on to is the fact that your creator is holy; and the Bible says Be holy for I am holy', without holiness being a lady would look like a diluted content in a bottle, it would never have the feel or taste of the real stuff. Holiness is the only connection you have got with your creator, and believe me there's no hope for a broken creation without a connection to its manufacturer.

Holiness represents that right standing for everything that is right; it is recognizing that the truth is the only permitted fact by your creator and making sure that it is available to Him. It is replacing lies with truth no matter what it may cost you. Holiness is an extension of your right yet it is a tool that stands on its own, it sieves good people from bad, positive from negative and magnets the plus to you while it does away with theminus.

Holiness is tangible yet it tangibility can only be accessed by positive people. It should be sorted after with every thing you can boast of until you have acquired it.

Don't give men the right to the driver seat of your life; they will drive you to destination beyond your control. a friend once wrote me letter titled "be yourself "and it says; work on yourself to look as beautiful as you once imagined, be yourself and not 'John's'' idea of an ideal woman, only to start trying to be Peter's tomorrow, don't try to be whatever any man you meet wants, be yourself and don't try to please any man; you just can't. All men have different tastes and preferences; you can't please them all, for you are not made for them all, you are made for just one man'.

As a lady men will come across you and you will come across men, but you needn't loose your right for them or to them, your right is like your vote of identity; if you loose it for acts of craving attention, what would you identify with.

Some men have issues of insecurity while other have issues of superiority, but most of them don't know that, they go about demanding changes from you that will cost more than you bargain. Instead of trying to change you into what you are not, what most of them don't know is that it is easier and better for them to look for someone that best fit the description they already have at heart. But if you know your right as a lady, chances like that would be avoided thereby preventing mistakes and unwarranted heart aches .

I have had the misfortune of a relationship like that, where the guy kept feeding me words that goes beyond what I can attain, The demand for my change were unending, it went on and on, until I realized that he was supposed to appreciate me for me and not try to change me or give me a picture of how am supposed to look like.

In ignorance I kept on with the relationship and tried to accommodate him as best as I could; while pleading God to change me to a better person; not knowing that God is saying to me you don't need a better you; for you are the best you that I have got'. At times the only way forward would be to leave the relationship. In fact he has no business trying to change what is; rather he should be looking to find the qualities he wanted where it does exist. It is always surprising to them when you try to explain that it would be easier to manufacture a new bike than try to restructure a car into a bike

I put up with the relationship for some time hoping that some how it would work, but as we all know it never does, especially when the people involved are no where near being compatible. I tried adjusting by resorting to timid hairstyles to please him, then I had to start pretending not to know or recognize my friends, especially my male friends, after that it was my mode of dressing, I had to start wearing clothes that I hated, all this was just to please him and fit into his idea of an ideal woman. And it went on and on like that until I became very sad, my unhappiness knew no bounds; everything that made me feel happy and confident, everything that makes me feel like my self have been striped.

I searched out reasons to remain in the relationship, reasons being that we both like each other, our visions align, and we both think maturely. I never tried to change him into something he can never be. That was the turning point for me. What ever was meant to be should come with the virtue of peace. I know you can guess what became of that relationship. It all starts with making the biggest decision in your life and taking the giant step to secure what you have.

The facts are being yourself and know your right, If you be yourself, the truth is that most genuine men would find you attractive and wish to have you for life, though some would feel unworthy of you; yet only the ones that suits and desires the person you are would stick or fit. And that's when knowing what you want comes in, for it would help you take the right decision and make the right choice.

I was telling you about the friend who wrote me a letter, his letter continues thus; be yourself so that the man who's looking for your kind of person would not miss you, be yourself so that a man who prefers your kind of person would not be deceived into marrying something you are not', some people are more compatible than others therefore be yourself so that the one whom you fit best can easily recognize you. So that you can find joy, and to achieve fullness and the true meaning of joy in life,

As a lady, life would seem incomplete without those qualities mentioned previously. Beyond all the look good and act right principles, it wouldn't be complete without a beauty that emanates from the inside, and that is how holiness is being reflected; it is a nature whose root can only be found within, and it can only be attained by finding Jesus and making him your friend.

I decided to share the above letter with you because it changed my life. The bottom line is for you to equip yourself with the knowledge of your right as a lady, woman, or female.

Just like I stated before, men who subject ladies into something that goes contrary to what they are originally fashioned as, may or may not be aware of their shortcomings. to them it is just their out look and opinions about life, and they are convinced that everyone should see things from the same glass as they do, so they tend to manipulate ladies into doing things their own way, but they can be identified through some strange mental application which are .

THE OLD FASHIONED MENTALITY:

The old fashion mentality asks what this world is turning into; he sees every beautiful lady as too expensive for him, every form of enhancement is irrelevant dressing down to him, he asks what happened to the good old days of our mothers when all their attires where blouses and wrappers, as if civilization should not take it cause; he asks you what they said is wrong with weaved hair styles' and looking simple, but what he's actually hitting at is looking timid'.

The old fashion mentality takes you back to when he used to know you; refusing to adhere to the fact that change and growth are the constant force of life. He does not go with the flow of civilization and has no intention of encouraging you to, he is a drowning man in the ocean of civilization and looks out to drag who ever is willing down with him, please be informed that those who fight change can not make progress in life.

Becoming a partner with him is a mistake of the first order; for together you both would portray an image of a thirteenth century people in a twenty first century outfit. Every attempt he makes takes you further and further away from life and all its realities, even the clothes you have had for the past twenty years is as good as new to him, and every form of advise he gives to you only takes you backwards and to stagnation.

THE SUPERIOR MENTALITY:

The superior mentality is that man who demands your respect without a demonstration of how it should be given; he believes that your gender calls for a lordship over you, he searches for medium to remind you that he is "the man", every form of encouragement he gives you is only as a result of the facts that he sees you as the weaker sex', and he does everything to make sure you don't forget for a minute, he expects all his orders to be carried out in a whim, without argument or suggestion of any kind, and any form of resistance is non submissiveness, as a fianc he expects you to respond to his orders with immediate effect, As long as you are a female your opinions don't count, being a wife, all your suggestion is nothing but the bark of a dog, and as far as he is concerned; you are just there to fulfill tradition and nothing more.

Before you fall into his trap; be reminded that despite the fact that you should not lack for respect at any point in time, you are not answerable to all men, for the Bible says that the man is the head of the woman (his woman, his wife)and not every woman. And his being the head does not even imply that he is more superior to you. To Mr. superior all women are baby factories and their duties end in the kitchen and should never on no account extend to the discussion room, he expects nothing to go contrary to his orders, and his decisions are final no addition no subtraction.

Your opinions as wife are irrelevant to him. He believes men like owning a property should own the final say. For this reason Mr. superior's wife is never a happy person; she is gloomy personified, he awaits the opportunity to remind her that she is just a woman he does not fail to quote her the ever popular house hold phrase which goes that; the man is the head of the woman, any decision that goes beyond or contrary to his laid down rules is asking for trouble.

The superior mentality knows nothing about partnering, for if he has to resort to beating and brutalizing for his orders to stand; he will, and most at times he does. Because of this method of living life, the superior mentality are predominantly hot tempered beings, little issues gets them flared up and the result is usually written all over the people close to them.

THE PROUD MENTALITY:

The proud mentality asks;"do you know who I am?"Any little power within his reach is important and should be acknowledged and respected, he values tittles more than virtue, and he expects you to address him by that title. he walks with the aura of owning the whole city, and anyone who proves otherwise will have him to contend with, he is quick to demonstrate his power to you and over you.

Any form of progress made in his life is not an object of value to people but a weapon to oppress them with, every value added to him is something to be showcased though he is usually an insecure person, but it takes people a long time to realize that, because he hides behind the shadow of 'look at me; I am somebody'. The proud mentality looks for situations that magnifies him, and holds on to it; as if for dear life. He looks out to oppress people without putting to consideration their sex, age or size, all are the same to him; and should award him the honor due him. He is usually an insultive person who had to have his way, either by exalting him self or bringing people down.

The proud mentality is very deceptive, and can resort to lies in order for you to rank them high. They may not necessarily be as brutal as the superior mentality, but with their words they can bring down an empire. They are usually talkative and trouble makers of the highest order; they always look for avenues to feel important, and sell themselves for the highest price available. They are the typical example of an empty drum, known for it noise, and they can only be found in the company of losers.

THE "YOU SCARE ME" MENTALITY:

The you scare me' mentality sees you as lady superior, he secretly adores you and everything you do; to him is awesome. From within he desires your kind of person, and secretly prays to have you, but he sees it as beyond his reach, if ever an attempt is made; it always comes from the other party and not from him, he sees himself as not man enough for you, and if by what he calls a stroke of luck he finds himself in a relationship with you, the chances that the relationship will work out is very slim.

He is always in fear that you would find some one better. Normally the you scare me' mentality could prove a very good mentality trait if and when he could get over his extortionist nature; he is a very good home keeper, who looks out for the reign of peace. He tends to be a very expressive person, but around you he takes the posture of the mouse'; always full of suggestion, but quickly withdraws from a conversation if you show any sign of disagreement.

He sees every male you go close to as a prospective rival and does not fail to mark him and store a confrontation for later in the future. He knows his own mind but rarely and reluctantly expresses it for fear of rejection. Because of this attitude he losses touch for any form of communication between you. The you scare me' mentality people are pessimist of the first order, but they hide it under the coat of gentlemanliness. He has a first class rate of insecurity and is found repeating words like" I will appreciate it if you start seeing me through the eyes I see you with" but of course you are, after all he expects you to do everything he ask for, he wants to always get what he wants, Without as much as a blink of an eye because of the fact that he is not much of a talker.

The you scare me guy is a natural giver, he believes that no amount of what he gives you would measure up to what you are already worth, but they are assumed to be dream killers; for any attempt by you to add value to your life is like adding insult to the injury on ground to him. Whatever value you add to yourself stands a natural threat that could cost him his relationship, and he looks for ways to convince you not to go in pursuit of that dream.

He is usually found in possession of words like" is it really necessary?', why go through all that stress', why do you bother about such things', "you truly want to acquire the world', give yourself a moments rest', and the rest of them. As long as you are running your own errands not his; it won't seem important to him. He does it as if he truly sympathizes with you, but will never lend a finger of helping hand. His shortcomings go on and on for he does not just stand a threat to you alone but also to himself. As often as you see him he takes the posture of a man standing on a burning coal, waiting to run of as fast as possible. Most at times he stands in the way of your growing relationship with him; he's always the first to take steps of ending the relationship (with him) not because he does not desire the relationship, but because he feels unworthy of the relationship. They are born-losers not for lack of responsibility or irresponsibility as the case may be, but because they go about almost all they desire with the same mentality, and at the end it proves unattainable for them, and they are usually compensated with the leftovers of life.

THE "YOU NEED TO HELP ME" MENTALITY:

He is referred to as the fire extinguisher, although he does not out rightly talk you out of your dream, he presents himself to you as a handicap in the issues of life, always complaining of how bad life has been and how terribly life has dealt him, forgetting that there's no challenge as that which is not common to man. He places you in the situation of a nursing mother, where you are always looking out for him.

He keeps you so busy and on edge that you start to believe life is as bad as he insinuated, and that its truly near impossible for you to achieve your dreams, little by little the fire in you begins top burn-out, and since you are busy for him, no one is made available to motivate you to rekindle the fire, and definitely not him. If you don't look closely, you might mistake him for the you scare me mentality, and both have lots of things in common, both are jovial, gentle and are pessimists, but while one sees you as lady superior, the other only sees you as a tool to bring all his dreams to accomplishment, while the you scare me guy is a giver the you need to help me' only looks to acquire.

Your appearance is an advantage for him to get his desire even when it's currently out of your reach, he believes you would and should do something about it; he lacks sincerity and believes every other person is like him. He needs help from you and expects it to be available, he is without care if your life is proper for you as it is and would never encourage you to talk about your challenges, he wants to look the less privileged in any matter that involves both of you. His challenges does not end or rest for a while, as soon as you help solve one, another is on line waiting to be solved (by you).

He is naturally a conscienceless person, and expects the world to revolve around him, but he does it with the stance of someone that should be pitied, and if you refuse to allow him use you for his selfishness, he resorts to make you feel guilty. He reminds you not to "feel funky" and anticipates an opportunity to read you the importance of humility,(as if helping him is not demonstration enough),he sees you as superior to him and is not willing to spare any chance as long as helping him is concerned.

He is seen as the most terrible amongst all available mentality traits, for he could use any means to get you to dance to his tunes, he can resort to crying if it would make you slacken a bit, in fact to him crying is very allowed once in while, especially when the going with you gets tough. He knows and understands these rules very well; that women are emotional creatures and are easily moved to action; for the weaker sex they are, always responds to the fact that a macho like him could be moved to tears. all the crafts in human expression have been mastered by him, and he is not ashamed to exhibit them, as long as it gets you to do what he wants, he understands that those are his reliable ticket to get anywhere around humans, especially ladies; for they know how to flow into emotion.

THE I DON'T WANT A CELEBRITY' MENTALITY:

He is the reversed version of the old fashion mentality, where the old fashion mentality does not want your enhancement, the I don't need a celebrity guy derives pleasure in your looking good and updated, but his only hindrance is that you shouldn't hang out or relate with people, especially the male gender. He loves to feel confidence in the fact that all your efforts to look good were done to please him and him alone. Any form of friendliness directed to people especially the opposite sex; to him is over popularity, every movement you make is monitored y him, he wants to know what you did an hour ago, what you are doing right now, who you recently hanged out with, and who visited you in his absence.

He practically dictates your life for you; where you are expected to go, what time you are supposed to have gone and returned, who and who you should make friends with, and those of your friends that needs to be done away with, if he is given the privilege he could also dictate for you when to breath and when not to, he will run your life for you at his convenience. He is imbued with a huge case of insecurity but works hard to hide it under the guise of trying to be the man of your life.

And if you happen to fall into the category of ladies who have either lost their right or don't have any at all, you might be deceived into believing that he is out for you because of his love and protectiveness for you, while all he does is stalk you like the proverbial lion that is out to hunt prey. He knows his fault and understands that what he needs is a change of attitude or what I call re-orientation, but he feels reluctant to seek for one, yet he stands in constant fear of loosing you completely by changing, believing that what actually got you attracted to him is what he calls his manliness. What he does not know is that in trying to get you not to relate with people, or submitting to change either way he would lose, after all no man is an island.

The I don't want a celebrity guy is a very stingy mentality trait, stingy with everything in his possession you can think of, time, communication, listening ear, finances, even with his suggestion; for he believes that his suggestion can work at his disadvantage. He is stingy with any thing that would draw you closer, or enhance your relationship, or even reflect the fact that you both have any common interest, for he already knows that with the way he runs the affairs of you both; that one day his fears will be confirmed and you will belong to another.

I refuse to refer any of the mentality traits as the best to go with, or accommodate because a lady deserves better than the leftovers of life. In fact she deserves the best that can ever be. If you can avoid all the mentality explained above, you would not just get the guy that you desire but the one that best suits and complements you as a lady. If am given the privilege of referring to one my advise is, just look for that man who loves God, reveres , and adheres to his commandment, for the Bible says; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.

To recognize him you don't need to carry out any special surgery on him before you can discern if he does or not, for by their fruits you shall know them, and that is a principle that can only be worked out by you alone, since your choice and taste differs from that of the other person.

But the only mentality that can appreciate and treasure you as the lady you are is what I call

THE SPIRIT FILLED MENTALITY;

He is a man who is filled with the spirit of God and does everything to apply and follow his (God's) principle in order for it to yield result for him, he is a man that despite his age, background and mentality has chosen to do it God's way and no other way.

He is a man that despite all odds have refused to accept anything that goes contrary to the word of God; he reads, lives it, sleeps it, eats it and bathes it, in fact; its his whole life because we all have to get to that point in our lives, were the decision is made to follow him (God) through and through, for the Bible says that by strength shall no man prevail. On our own nothing good can come out of us, carnality without a touch of God's spirit leads to canal life which influences canal decisions, there is never anything like a good person, for the law of sin; which is the carnality at work in man' would never allow men' do good or became good people who do things right. But when the spirit of God is at work in us; we would usually do things that are uncommon and extra ordinary; for it is his spirit at work in us that gives the power of transformation.

HOW TO AVOID MENTALITY DRIVEN GUYS.

You are not just gifted with the knowledge of these guys and how to recognize them and back out of any form of intimacy with them, but also there are rules and ways to avoid them totally, and these rules are;

LOVE YOUR SELF:

People react to the statement of love yourself with the question of don't I!', but there's a difference between loving yourself and loving your life, now really I can't say I understand what people really mean when they say 'I love my life'. To me it sounds like a very selfish statement, people who make such statements don't want to extend themselves, everything for them is about me ,myself and I, everything in life should be about them without even a little consideration of others but loving your self goes beyond a selfish attitude towards life.

It is a call of duty to yourself, loving one's self is usually taken up by people who do not feel weary of themselves, people who do not have reasons to battle with insecurity, it helps you express your self as a lady and makes you understand that you basically need nobody to tell you or make you feel good about yourself, it means that most times you would find yourself alone, but that should not give you reasons to panic, it shouldn't be a time for you to reflect on the fact that no one calls on you any more, neither is it a time for you to wonder if anyone really knows you, rather it should be a time for you to take advantage of the freedom to appreciate and pamper yourself, give yourself treat, go on vacation, relax, read books, get motivated, for opportunity they say comes but once, you don't need to go about looking for a man to feed you what he feels you want to hear, tell it to yourself and always remind yourself that you are the best thing that happens to any man. If you don't know how, just fantasize and see your self as the beauty queen who starts the ball rolling in a man's life, don't let it get to your head; just fantasize, because truly men do need us for their lives to be perfect.

But when you take time to love your self, there's no way for you to fall into the hands of a mentality driven guy, all you need do is apply patience in order to find that man whom you are to crown his life with perfection. Now it is when you don't demonstrate that love for you; begins with you; and loving yourself, that a man who, feels like a knight in shining armour, to rescue a damsel in distress; walks into your life to disorganize the safe haven, that must have taken you time to build. Don't send out vibes that you are in distress and needs to be rescued, it makes them take advantage of you.

DON'T GET DESPIRATE:

One of the major reasons why ladies find themselves trapped in a relationship with these guys is because they subjected their selves to desperation. Normally as young girls growing up and adapting to life and it system, we all dream of getting swept up by a knight in shining amour, our prince charming, that handsome guy who would occupy our lives for ever. But along the line some where, the cares of life and the challenges surrounding it forces us to dump it somewhere in our journey, only to realize our selves when the trumpet is sounded around us, we look at ourselves to realize that we've ended up in our thirties, and most of the girls we grew up with have somehow disappeared and have found their knight. Then you look into your mirror to notice that a line is beginning to appear under your eyes, and to realize that with all what you have achieved all through your years of inactivity or not socializing could not comfort you at night when you need some one around. You worry for some time before real fear sets in; at that point, any opposite sex that chat's you up becomes a potential suitor, even when no attempt is made on his side. That's really not a time for you to get desperate, for Gods word says; be still and know that I am God'

Even when you feel that life is moving on and leaving you behind, be still' and know that I am God' oh! that reminds you ,the younger sister of your younger sisters friend is getting married; be still and know that I am God', you are reminded that time waits for no body, and you are at a loss for what to do, be still and know that I am God' ;don't get desperate, rather get back to his word for it says, that none shall want her mate, you look around and it suddenly seems that all the bachelors around have relocated, leaving the already attached few, be still', desperation only leads to irrational decisions that calls for regrets, it yields noting but sour fruits, a desperate fly is said to end no where but in the grave with the corpse. If God has promised to supply all your needs according to his riches in glory, trust him, for he is ever faithful. Just any guy is not worth all your wait and you can only attract according to the signal you send out. If your signal bespoke desperation, you can only attract vultures. Just believe that you deserve nothing but the best, and the best . . . . . . . . . . . . is worth waiting for.

BE WELL INFORMED:

Knowledge they say is power, so is information. If you value information to the point of going in search of it, people will refer you to be a person of knowledge; knowledge guarantees a life of ease. If you have got information on certain things, by the time people start to run helter scelter in order to find it, your mind would be at rest, because you where able to get hold of it. Information saves you from a lot of trouble.

Some one once told me the story of a couple who had to go on a vacation, they paid for passage on a ship, after which, they realized that they don't have much on them, for the trip that would last for one month, they bought a carton of cookies, which was the cheapest meal they could come up with, that would last them a while. While on the trip, they locked themselves in and everyday, each would fill up his/her self with cookies, refusing to come out and socialize with others, believing that it would cost them money they could not afford. it so happened that on the thirtieth day, one of the captains noticed a couple where supposed to be part of the trip, he set out in the direction of their cabin, knocked on their door, and was greeted with a response. He asked them why they have refused to associate with other trippers, and they responded that they could not afford the food. But he looked at them in surprise and said; but the money you paid has covered all expenses including food.

Now had they asked to get proper information about the trip, they wouldn't have missed out on all the activities, which includes lots of fun. The money they paid was non refundable, they probably missed a lot more than the food. That is how far ignorance (or lack of information) can take a man. The bible says that my people perish for lack of knowledge.

Go in search of mediums that would educate you, don't just sit and expect information to come to you before you can utilize it, it just might take forever. Go after it, go in search of it, for when you are well informed you would know what to do when challenges shows up, it will help you retain your dignity in the face of pressure.

SEEK ADVICE:

Don't ever embark on a journey where you are sure to face unforeseen contingencies without advice, this means that a journey through unknown waters is sure to present you with challenges that you know nothing about; and never saw coming. but if you seek advise from people who have been able to swim through that water before, and have mastered it waves, you are not only sure to avoid the mistakes that have been made and corrected by them, but would come out of yours unscathed and with success.

What ever you are about to embark on in life, must have been confronted, addressed, and conquered by someone else, but if you don't seek advise about it ,it would seem like a blind man trying to grope his way in darkness. It is the proper thing to do, rather than to walk into an awaiting tragedy. Seek advice.

Seeking advice helps you avoid what needs to be avoided, makes you overtake what is not necessary for the journey. Even when you feel that what you are about to venture into shouldn't be difficult; seek advise, it is not a wise mans way to look at issues on the surface, it would only end in mistakes. An adage once said that only fools rush in, where angels don't tread .seeking advice from people who have mastered the trade would only make things easier. So before you go in too deep into that relationship, businesses, or project, seek advice, am not saying you should involve every tom dick and harry, before you get proper info on what it is, your adviser could be could be a friend, a counselor, an elderly person, or someone that is into what you are about to do, it could even be your pastor. Please get proper advice so that you can walk into that project as the wise, for the bible says that he who walks with the wise shall be wise, but he who is found in the company of fools shall be destroyed.

INVOLVE THIRD PARTY:

Mankind believe men to be intellectual creatures, while women are emotional beings, and most at times their challenges are seen and addressed through emotions rather than common sense of reasoning, with their heart rather than their mind, with the way they feel rather than the way it should be, but the issues of life, especially relationship with the opposite sex is not like checking the tires of a car only to realize that it has gone down, where you can either pump back to normal or change entirely, so many things are involved which are, your time, your effort, your emotion, not to talk of the way it would affect your other relationships if you are not careful.

Now the wise thing to do is involve third party when you sense that the friendship is emanating into something serious, involve someone you can trust, a woman in love is only capable of seeing what she has chosen to see, and most at times she tends to remain blind to all her partners faults, but if you involve third party, there are some things he/she would be able to see that you can not see.

PRAY:

Prayer is the most important foundation on which anything in life should be built; be it a business, project, or relationship, going into something even if you have attempted it before, is a risk on its own. Who says you might not encounter something that was not there before, something you might not have seen coming, but through prayer you could avert them. Prayer is a spiritual sanitation carried out to clean up any form of obstacle, or even repair something that has been dimed damaged.

It is the most important key to building any form of relationship, for most at times, people pretend to be what they are not, even when you live in the same house; its really difficult to explain what the other person is capable of, not to talk of understanding or believing you understand what your partner is up to and capable of, you could be easily deceived into believing something that is not there.

GIVE CHANCE FOR GROWTH

Finally having a right and having knowledge of how to avoid mentality driven guys does not imply treating people inappropriately if for anything, it would be better to treat them with care, everybody deserves a second chance. The truth is that no one was created with all the knowledge they need to go through life at once, Adam was the only grown up mistake that was made by God, with us he had a chance to do it right. So we start our experiences as babies, full of ignorance, but with time we get as far as we have gotten. I think it would be nice to also give other people the chance for growth, to grow out of their mentality issues if they can .there's no need to talk them down, just avoid getting entangled with them.

People who have to deal with theses mentality traits where as a result of the insecurities they've had growing up, usually resulting from issues of tradition, barground, religion and environment; accumulated over a long period of time, with no knowledgeable way of rectifying it. With time, it emanated into a habit for them, and later into a life style.

TRADITION

In the days of tradition, men where termed to be successful by the existence of three things, the quantity or largeness of their farmlands, the number of wives they've been able to acquire, and the availability of foodstuffs in their bans. Now the acquisition of lands are not something they come across by stroking their hands, it has to come through hard work, trust or after a long wait for the death of their father to inherit whatever it is that was left to them, for them to now boast of food stuff solely depends on their dedication to the land that was given to them, but finding a wife is a different ball game, wives can be inherited from their fathers, for they have the knack for having as many wives as possible, wives could be given to them as gifts for being a hero, wives can also be given as payment for a debt that is unable to be meet, because of this reason, wives are seen as properties to own, and since everything they own are seen as something that guarantees their man-ness they tend not to show love or respect for their wives because they know that come every season they get to add more and more to the previous number.

Even in old age they still parade young girls that would satisfy their ego as men all in the name of marrying a new wife. They even sample these young girls before they could go ahead with marriage proper claiming that tradition requires that every young girl before marriage has to spend time with the family she is supposed to marry into for character checks, and in case of fruitfulness.

Because of this reason future generations tend to be excused with the mentality that women are easy to find, and that they can easily change line if it does not work their way, some of them even believe that the package should be opened and sampled to know if what is inside is to their hearts desire.

Because of what tradition has imposed into the minds of men, they have found it very difficult to see things any other way.

BARGROUND

Our background has a lot to do with the way we turn out in life it is described as the personal circumstances and experiences that shapes the life of a person, e. g ethnic, social origins, upbringing, education, and work experiences.

We all grow up as being ignorant of attitude, character, and personality, but as we progress from stage to stage in life, we begin to listen to, watch out for, and adapt to the kind of attitude, character, and personality that makes us in life.

It is said that in the end we become the product of who ever or whatever contributed to our lives. It is very natural for a child who grew up in an abusive home to turn out as an abusive father or husband. The book of proverbs explained that a wise son makes for a wise father, so is an abusive son. the same is said for some one who was not given a proper educational training .and also for that child who was not given the freedom to make his own mistakes and stand to correct them, he can not be compared to a child who was not shielded from life and it realities.

Our background is simply what it is; back-ground, which means the layers that makes up to a person or fails to make that person.

RELIGION

Religion is a name given to that faith we profess, believe, and hold on to. Considering the fact that Christianity has changed drastically in reference to how people of ages embraced it and are carrying on with it. Mum gave me a full illustration of how people in her time see and adapt to religion, and how it has affected them and people of this present generation. Religion was seen as something of a routine activity rather than the relationship that God actually ordained it to be.

Back in the days when unorthodox was the formal way of worshiping, in the days when people do not relate to sin in effect to forgiveness of sin. In the days when every sin attract confession to a priest who makes you go through what is called penance.

Penance usually involves going a long distance several times in a day for seven days to fetch either fire wood, water, to cut grass or to wash a huge amount of cloths for the priest as a way of punishment for sin, and at times it involves doing all the available chore rather than pick one. It gave me the idea that people in those days probably see God as one huge wicked man up there holding a long fat cane, and ready to lash out at any one who was considered to harbor iniquity.

No wonder people of those times where considered as being rebellious, going after other hand constructed gods, once they have swayed a little; believing that those other gods presents people with lesser punishment. At least they could make sacrifices of appeasement. With the way that everything was aligned in those days, men had no choice than to treat their wives and children with the eyes with which they see God.

And what other way does a growing child know to express himself if not in the way he saw daddy do. All those nights he watched daddy maltreat and push mummy around, coupled with treats of marrying another wife is enough for him to create the kind of picture he needs to start off in life.

But because back then they had o choice than to accept that their men can ever change. Rather than to remain single, they just go ahead and marry them that way, rather than receive the beating of their life or remain banned and locked out somewhere they keep quiet and tolerate them that way. But that is not as if to say you should carry the same burdens around like they do, because believe it or not so many women are left with the statement `if I had been wiser'.

ENVIRONMENT

Environment has a lot to do with the way we see things and the kind of mentality that rules us. Environment is one of the most important factors of a person's life.

You need not relate to person for long for you to realize that the challenge he faces every day adds up to his life background.

A child brought up in certain areas of a country is likely to behave differently from the other who was not brought up in the same area and background.

That is why most people find it difficult to relate to certain people because of the difference in view, and mentality.

For instance a child that was brought up in a background where everything around has a touch of civilization and the people there are sociable would find it near impossible to relate or communicate well with the other who came from a timid background where freedom of expression is not seen as something proper and is looked upon with disgust.

Because of the reasons guarding the issue of background, some children are likely going to turn out more expressive and confident than others.

HUMILITY IS SOMETHING

But if such people could submit themselves to be humble, there is no illness without a remedy. Though it may take time and commitment, and at times resources, but it could be rectified. We all had our own monsters to slay at one time or the other in life, but with time some of us have been able to get rid of them. We should do well to remember that we all are work in progress.

Attitude is actually considered the most important currency to be in possession of when compared to naira, pounds, dollars, Euros , and the rest of them, but people rarely if not totally lack the use f them, believing they could run life on it terms without having to pay the wages that keeps accumulating, for lack of use for it.

LET COMPASSION RULE YOU

You need to treat them with at least a little bit of compassion, who knows you might win them over to do things the right way. (pardon my excessive quoting of scriptures, am not turning into a pastor on you) but the scripture says blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy, I really do hope that this book will impart you the purpose of which it was written, remember being full of compassion for others is also your right as a lady.

ACKNOWLEDGE HIM

whatever you do, make sure you commit it into the hands of God, he is the initiator of all things, proverbs 3:6 says; in all your ways acknowledge the lord, and he will direct your parts, which includes your dreams ,career ,relationship, marriage and your life, I once read the story of a violin at an auction, of what looked like old junk, when the auctioneer pick it up, it looked so old and worn out that he started he started the pricing At $10,but there where no volunteer buyers, he then lower the price to$5 but still no one wanted it, he continued to lower the price until it was going for 50 cents,50 cents, he said' just fifty cents, I know its not worth much but somebody can take it for 50 cents. And at that moment a gray haired old man with a long beard walked up to the front and asked if he could hold the violin; he took out his handkerchief and wiped the dust and dirt from the violin, he slowly fixed all the strings into place, then he placed the violin under his chin and began to play. And from that old violin came the most beautiful music that many had not heard. Beautiful songs came from that old once bettered violin. The auctioneer then asked what the opening price was. One person said $100, another said $200, and then it rose and rose until it sold for $1000.this story blew my mind, when I first read it.

Now about the moral lesson of this story shows that when you place your dreams and aspiration into the master's hand, no matter how small or insignificant it may seam, he is sure to make a big deal out of it.Acknowledge God in all your ways and he will direct your part should not be regarded as something to just quote, when you quote; meditate on it, apply it to your life and you are sure to get result.

PUT HIM' FIRST

There's this frame that used to stay hanging in homes, it became so popular that almost every home you step into, you will find it hanging, I used to believe that I liked the frame so much that I could recite the words while walking on the street, but recently a friend made a statement that presented a different view to the once special wording. And it words on that frame says that;

Christ is the head of this house

The unseen guest at every meal

The silent listener at every conversation

And so it continues. . . . . . . . . . . .

The friend actually said why make Christ the guest, if he would fight more of your battles as the owner and not the guest.' and it occurred to me that for so long we recite the wordings on it to make it path of us that we tend not to consider the implications of given God second place in our lives .God should always have the first position in our lives no matter the circumstances guarding whatever it is we are into, for his word says; I am the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end'(see revelation 1:8),it is very obvious that God wants to have the first position in our lives, let's give him his rightful place, so that we can truly experience him for the alpha and omega he is. God bless you.

A WOMAN'S CURRENCY

By: onye sunday

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