Achieving Balance
Finding Life Balance is one of the concepts that get bandied about in the Coaching world more than almost any other topic
. And it is much talked about in our culture in generalsort of a modern quest, like looking for the Holy Grail was (and seemingly almost as elusive).
There are good reasons for this. Life in our world is not simple. I think that the main reason for this is because of choice. We just have so many! There are dozens of ways to communicate, thousands of foods and food varieties, scores of extra-curricular activities for our kids to choose from, oodles of computers, movies, banks, bands and barbecue sauces. Everything, it seems (except maybe jobs)!
We notice all of it as it whizzes by and we want all of it. So it is not surprising that questions about balance come up in every arena of lifeparticularly when it comes to work/life (and family) balance.
The question of finding balance in a person's life is usually framed as a right/wrong sort of equation. The person wants to figure out just what is the exact mix in work/family life balance that will get them stellar reviews on the job and also make them great parents. How much junk food is okay versus eating nutritious raw veggies? How much time to spend on having a clean house versus hanging around with friends or doing nothing? There is some perfect amount of each, and figuring that out, and then enforcing it, is the answer.
Creating rules and systems is deeply comforting for most people. There is only so much processing that our human brains can do, and that part of the brain that does the in-the-moment processing, which is our frontal lobes, can handle limited information and stimulation at any given time. Some people struggle with various executive functioning issues-- and for them, rule making can make life a lot easier.
But making rules to find balance takes you just so far. Let's take the notion of finding balance in eating, for example. Most people rely on something called a "diet" to do this for them. It sounds so simplejust tell me the eating rules, I follow them, and I will end up skinnier and healthier.
As we all know, however, diets rarely work out this way. In my opinion it is because balance can't always be found in a prescription. One day it might be fine to eat a certain amount of vegetables, and another day my body might craveor even needdifferent nutrients. Also, for most people, it doesn't work to say that one can never have an ice cream sandwich. The truth is that an ice cream sandwich can sometimes be just the thing to do. The question iswhen and how often?
This is also true of the work/personal life balance question. Let's face it; to really create something amazing, whether that thing is a huge report or a novel, there are times when it is appropriate to work twelve-hour days. Nothing amazing would happen in this world if all things were plotted out and planned ahead of time. Life is just not that predictable.
To start answering the question of how to find balance, I want to examine the definition of the conceptin a very visual way. Most people, when they think of balance, have a bifurcated way of imagining it. They probably think of a scale with two arms. One side is where the chocolate bars are and the other side is the salad, chock full of greens and carrots. Depending on your values, the ideal state of balance might be salad tipping the scale to it's lowest point, with a teensy amount of chocolate hovering way up high on the other side.
I prefer to change that visual image. Think of a circus and imagine your favorite acrobat standing on a ball or a tightrope. Balance here is not static. It is a constantly changing use of stabilizing muscles in different parts of the body. Sometimes the acrobat leans forward, sometimes to the left, etc. Most acrobats and athletes will tell you the same thing, thoughit isn't conscious. The movement becomes part of their muscle memory. In fact, if they find themselves analyzing it, or thinking too hardthey fall.
So the question of finding balance in any issue must start with exploring internal balance and trying to achieve enough self-knowledge to allow for a constantly changing barometer. As a coach, I work with my clients to help them trust themselves enough to create balance that does not rely on rule-making alone. This is not a quick-fix process and usually happens in the course of several coaching sessions that might not even be about the subject of "balance" at all.
So what to do when faced with specific situations? Like should I leave the office with things unfinished and have dinner with my family? Or should I stay and get the project done, working into the late night?
What I am going to say next is what most people don't want to hear. The absolute first thing to do is to let go of the idea that there is a right answer. There isn't, and in the grand scheme of life this one decision is probably not earth shattering. Keeping the pressure off is key in trying to make good in-the-moment decisions of any kind.
As soon as you reasonably can, when things are a bit calmer, take a moment to look inside and figure out what you want the end product to be. This doesn't mean"I want to be a person who doesn't pig out on desserts," or even "I want to be skinny and gorgeous." It doesn't mean, "I want to be a better mother, good mother, reliable mother" (fill in the adjective).
The statement you are looking for is one that does not contain judgment of any kind. It is more about a vision of youlike "I have a happy family that love and understand each other," or "I am radiantly healthy and fit."
You are creating the feeling of what you want and letting go of the details of exactly how it is going to get there. You want to totally immerse yourself in this vision for a brief moment.
Once you have established that certain feelingbelieve it or not, your inner knowing of what to do right now will kick in. And be ready for surprises, because it isn't necessarily going to be the "virtuous" thing you think it should be! In fact, once you become crystal clear and immersed in your vision of yourself as a caring and attentive parent you may be relaxed and confident enough to decide to stay at work for an extra couple of hours so that you can get the job done. Or some other idea that you cannot now imagine will occur to you, once you step out of your rigid right/wrong framework.
In conclusion, thinking about the concept of balance needs to bewell, balanced! In the end, there is no one right way to make balance happen. More than anything else, it is important to be willing to be flexibleto be like that acrobat on the tight rope, sometimes leaning left and sometimes leaning right (politicianstake note).
Copyright (c) 2011 Wendy Ponte
by: Wendy Ponte
How Is A Soy Candle Made? Playa Del Carmen Condos - Whats Life Like In A Gated Community? Ultrasonic Dog Barking Control You Can Look As Young As You Feel After A Face Lift The Categories Of Perfume Fragrance Occupy Wall Street Protesters Destroy Their Job Hunting Prospects Metal Detectors: Advice For A Positive Metal Detecting Outing The Uniqueness Of Your Gift Ideas Planning A Vacation Are You Ready For The Federal Marketplace Maintaining The Ready To Assemble Cabinets Los Angeles Models Making A Realistic Commitment To Caring For An Elder Entertaining Wheat Free