Afraid Your Husband's Going To Leave The Marriage? These Insights Might Help

Afraid Your Husband's Going To Leave The Marriage

? These Insights Might Help

I often share the story of how I was able to save my marriage even though I made many mistakes and suffered many delays in the process. Sometimes, I'm contacted by wives who suspect or strongly feel that their husband's are getting ready to leave them. Often, these women have point blank asked the husbands if they are going to leave and the husband either denies this, calls them paranoid, or an argument ensues.

I always tell women to trust their intuition. Frankly, the suspicion that your husband is going to leave could be dead wrong, but if that little voice in the back of your mind is telling you that something is wrong in your marriage, or you can't deny the distance that you are feeling, you should not ignore these warning signs. I made this grave mistake and later regretted it very much. It's always better to take positive action that to sit, white knuckled waiting for something bad to happen, while this whole process is hurting rather than helping the relationship anyway.

Lay Your Cards On The Table In A Direct But Non Aggressive Way: Your suspicion that your husband is going to leave is likely the big fat elephant sitting in the middle of the room. It keeps you from really initiating affection and closeness because you pull back, fearing rejection. Things are tense because you don't want to let lose, fearing you'll do or say the wrong thing. In a nutshell, your marriage is stuck in a standstill and you don't know whether it is moving backward of forward. This situation is very destructive to your marriage and must stop. So, it's important to just shine a light right on that elephant sitting in the room.

When both you and your husband are calm and not angry, tell your husband that the distance and issues in your marriage are hard to ignore and concern you very much. Don't place any blame or try to make your husband feel guilty. Try to come off as the woman who loves him, wants to be happy, and who wants to work together with him to make this happen. Tell him that you can't see the future and although you don't want him to leave and you don't want the marriage to end, you know that you can't control this single-handedly. But, what you can control is yourself and your own actions. Vow that from today forward, you will not engage in any behaviors that will deteriorate your relationship. Tell him that he is too important to you for your relationship to evolve into something that involves strangers who once loved each other very much.

He may not be as receptive to this as you'd like. He may not believe you and he may see this as yet more promises that don't come to light or more changes that never come. This is OK. Because you are going to prove him wrong when you follow through.

Don't Beg Him To Stay, But Offer Him Space And Understand What He Really Wants: If your husband is dead set on leaving, it's very likely that anything you say is going to fall on deaf ears. He's just going to see your attempts as desperate, manipulative, and meant to keep him from getting what he wants. But, here's the truth. Even though he may not be aware of this, it's very likely that what he really wants is the same thing that you do.

Every one on this earth just wants to feel valued, cherished, loved, understood, and appreciated. It's very likely that he felt this way when you were first dating and he wanted to prolong these feelings so he married you. However, somewhere along the way, things changed as responsibilities and the demands of adult life took over. There is really no blame to assign here as this happens to almost every one. But, it sucks the life blood out of a marriage and to save yours, you must return to the place where your husband feels worthy, competent, and desired.

Turning This Situation Around: In the most simple terms, saving your marriage requires you to turn the negative emotions, expectations, and experiences into positive ones. This doesn't happen overnight and it sometimes isn't easy when you're the only one trying. But, at the end of the day, men are easier than you may think to figure out. They want what you want. They want your attention, your love, your sense of humor and your open heart. They want the happy, laid back, vibrant women that they fell in love with.

Now, I know at this point you probably have many concerns. A few might be things like "he's not going to believe it for a second when I suddenly act completely different and shower him with attention," or "why am I the one who is doing all of the giving?"

These are valid questions and concerns. I know things are different now. I know you have tons of responsibilities and obligations combined with a lack of time. But, even small gestures and stolen moments can make such a huge difference. I'm not asking you to be fake and insincere. I'm just asking you to find things for which you want to show gratitude and affection and act on them.

And, if your husband feels loved and cared for, this is going to reflect back to you and your life is going to be easier and more fulfilling as a result. Yes, you are the one taking action. You are controlling what you can yourself. But, if you do this correctly, eventually your husband is going to come to believe that he was wrong when he thought that things couldn't change or get better. And, he's going to be both surprised and relieved to see that the woman who he feel in love with is not only still around, she's standing right in front of him.

When my husband wanted to leave (but I didn't want him to and desperately want to save my marriage), I made many mistakes. Rather than seeing the lack of intimacy for what it was, I engaged in many tactics that backfired. Thankfully, I finally realized I was doing more harm than good and was able to change course using the tactics discussed here and save my marriage. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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