Best Relationship Advice -Three Big Mistakes People Make in the Beginning of a Relationship

Best Relationship Advice -Three Big Mistakes People Make in the Beginning of a Relationship

In working with hundreds of men and women over the years and in analyzing my own love life, I've learned that so much of the hurt, heartache, and disappointment we experience in love could be avoided if we just paid more attention at the beginning of the relationship.

1. We Don't Ask Enough Questions: Many of us ask less questions before we start a relationship than we do before we buy a pair of shoes. Falling in love is romantic. Interviewing someone is not. So we allow ourselves to be seduced by going out to dinner, flirting and all the behaviors that usually manifest themselves when we first meet a potential partner and get swept away. Asking your partner questions to find out more about them may not seem romantic, but it's the only intelligent way to really get to know someone. The more information you have about someone, the better you'll be able to judge whether or not this person will make a good mate. The less information you have about someone, the more likely you will end up disappointed or heartbroken.

2. We Make Premature Compromises: Changing or editing your own values, behaviors, and habits in hopes that you and your new partner will appear to get along more harmoniously. I'm not saying that you are walking into a relationship saying, I will do anything to get him to like me, even if it means compromising my own values. The process is a lot more subtle than this. It's an adjustment you make in what is important to you as you get to know someone. When you discover that beliefs you've had, or interests that were important to you, or friends you care for are not acceptable to your partner, you may tend to make these less important in order to create the illusion that the two of you are much more compatible than you actually are. The danger in premature compromise is that you lose your sense of self early in the relationship and create a false sense of harmony between you and your mate.

3. We Put Commitment Before Compatibility: Most men and women become seriously involved in a relationship before giving much thought to whether this person was really right for them or not. Some warning signs of this are: within the first month you begin fantasizing, or even planning, the rest of your life and how you will spend it with your new partner. You feel sure that this person is the one for you a few weeks into the relationship. Within the first month, you find yourself saying and doing things you have done before in relationships you thought would last forever. Most people yearn for a commitment that they make an emotional commitment with their partner before they know him or her very well and they need to slow down and take their time to get to know this person.

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