Building Self-esteem.
As parents it's our obligation to try to make our kids as well rounded
, positive and self assured as possible.
Children are all individuals. They are not our property but people in their own right. Children deserve respect and should be allowed to develop into their own person, not a smaller version of ouselves.
Children should be allowed to find their own way in this world and at their own pace. As a parent, your role is to encourage them as they move towards different goals, but never try and push them into something they are not ready for.
If a child feels they are unloved and unwanted, they will lose respect for themselves.
This loss of self-esteem can be caused by a number of things. Mostly, they are:
* Lack of attention - if you don't listen or spend time with them, they'll think you don't care.
* Lack of energy due to poor nutrition or maybe illness.
* Low expectations - expect them to be good and achieve and they will try their best to do
so.
* Lack of praise - if they are constantly criticised, then why should they try?
Your Role as Adults in Building Self- Esteem.
* Be a positive role model.
Actions speak louder than words, so display a positive mind set and let them see that you are willing to have a go at something rather than moaning and groaning about how hard things are for you.
* Make time for your kids.
Life is very stressful for a variety of reasons and having happy kids adds a smile to your day.They love having time with you rather than having expensive possessions.Imagine how their self-esteem will rise when they see how you enjoy their company and have made sure that you schedule exclusive time with them each day.
* Create a happy, safe, family environment.
Encourage respect for each other. This means everyone in the family, not just the adults. Show them that everyone is significant by listening and responding suitably to each other.This way, when problems occur, you can all work on solutions together. Try not to fight in front of the children. It's OK to disagree but heated discussions (if any)should take place out of their hearing.
* Make certain they spend a lot of time outdoors or inside with stimulating and imaginative activities. Television is alright in moderation. Educational programs can be wonderful, but it is not stimulating your child to be creative, unless you follow it up with an activity. Please don't use it as a babysitting tool too often. Encourage your offspring to investigate their world, but at their own rate.
Don't panic, It's okay for them to make messes, get filthy and expend their energy by climbing, running, shouting, playing. They learn by doing all these things. Encourage their curiosity. Beware of being overprotective. Parental instinct wants us to protect our children, but they also need to live. Don't become a 'worry-wort'. Remember what we did as kids? It's astonishing some of us are still here to remember! Keep a perspective on things. They need to be taught the dangers that exist, but not to the extent of frightening them. Give them a safe environment in which to explore and "let them at it"
* Encourage them to become independent of you at school.
Whilst new to the school environment, children need your support. it is an expectation that parents accompany their child into their classroom initially. After a while, your child should be encouraged to walk in from the gate by themselves. Next, increase the distance bit by bit, until your child has confidence in wallking in to school alone. It is important to consider the safety aspect here. Everyone is different. Let them hang up their bags by themselves and unpack homework, lunches and playlunches. They need to learn to be independent of you. Of course every child is different and matures at different rates. Use your judgement. Letting them become independent goes a long way to building their self-esteem.
* Provide opportunities for investigation. As many as possible. It doesn't matter if they make mistakes. We all learn by making mistakes. They need to achieve things alone in order to build their self-esteem. Imagine the pride they'll have in their ability.
* Praise constantly.
But keep a perspective on it. Quiet praise goes a long way. You don't have to overdo it. Keep it simple, but heartfelt. Observe your child. Some children get embarrassed if you make a big deal of something in front of others. In this instance, keep your praise for later when you are alone with them.
* Listen carefully.
If they trust you enough to share their feelings, don't brush them aside. Make time to discuss why they are feeling this way. Both sides of a problem needs to be outlined to make them realise that their fears and disappointments are normal feelings. Don't make them feel that they are silly for feeling the way they do.
* Make eye contact. It's the same as interacting with adults. Being on the same level accomplishes much more. It's also easier to get your point across if you are looking them straight in the eye.
* Give attention to each sibling.
Try not to over-react to the child who is loud, destructive or rough. It is common for these children to receive a lot of attention as you keep asking them to stop the unacceptable behaviour.Deal with the negative behaviour quickly in a calm voice and then turn your attention to the child who is playing quietly on their own. This will send a message to the disruptive child that to get more of your attention, they need to behave better. You also need to remember not to compare your children with each other. It is not relevent at all. They are individuals.
* Show appreciation.
We all like to be appreciated. Thank them for their efforts. We all appreciate being thanked. For all the things they do, say thankyou.
* Let them make their own choices.
By allowing them develop their own ideas, they will become more independent as they grow older. Keep it all in perspective, though. You can't let them do this all the time. It's important you give direction, but also let them explore other possibilities.
* Target the behaviour, not the child.
Remember to discipline your child about his/her behaviour. Don't label them as troublesome or disrespectful, etc. For example - Instead of saying,"You are so naughty. You ripped in your friend's jumper". Say - " Ripping your friend's jumper is really naughty." This targets the behaviour, not the child.
* Show patience.
Learning happens at different rates for each child. They are all individual. You need to persist in everything, no matter how frustrating it is.
There are so many things to remember when building their self-esteem. Most of it is common sense when you think about it. Just try to remember - treat your child as you like to be treated.
Your goal should be to raise, happy, confident children who believe in their own capabilities.The earlier they can become independent, the easier it will be for them to deal with life's challenges by themselves.
by: Liz Delaney
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Building Self-esteem.