Can I Save My Marriage All By Myself And Without The Cooperation Or Help Of My Husband?

Can I Save My Marriage All By Myself And Without The Cooperation Or Help Of My Husband

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I can not tell you how often I hear this question.It's so common that once a marriage is in real trouble or heading for divorce, there's been so many days of frustrationwith no resolution that something "snaps" in one of the spouses and the person either leaves or becomes no longer receptive, essentially cutting the other spouse (and the marriage) off. I am asked by so many husbands and wives how they can save their marriage when they are the only ones interested in doing so.People want to know how if they really can save their marriagessingle handedlyor if they are only wasting time and energy or delaying the inevitable. The truth is, you can save your marriage alone. To do this, you must control the actions and thoughts of the only personover which you have any real control yourself. I'll describe exactly how to do thisin the following article.

Don't Try To Change Your Spouse's Mind Or Participate In Behaviors That Drive Them Further Away: This is where so many people blow it.Once their spouse leaves,says they are going to, or are thinking about it, people panic and feel that they need to do something immediately to rectify the situation.So they follow their spouses around. They engage. They beg. They debate with their spouses, tell them why they are wrong to want to split up, attempt to make them feel guilty, and do everything that they can to change the spouse's mind.

The only thing that this is accomplishing is pushing your spouse further away. Although this behavior is completely understandable, it only brings about negative emotions. In essence by acting this way, you're basically saying to your spouse "your feelings aren't valid. You are wrong to want to be happy and in a healthy relationship."

Who wants to hear this? The better way to handle this is to say something like "I understand why you are frustrated. You're asking for change and for things to be better and you are entitled to feel that way. I am committed to helping you achieve this."

See the difference? You are validating them and not putting them on the defensive. Just doing this alone will help diffuse negative feelings and tension.

Don't Promise You're Going To Change Or Swear Things Will Be Different. Instead, Show Them With Your Actions: If you're marriage is in trouble and you are trying to save it alone, then the problems have probably been brewing and building for a long time. Telling your spouse that you're going to change or promising that things are going to be different is very likely to fall on deaf ears.

They've heard this before and yet here you still are in this awful place. They likely aren't going to believe you because the change has either not happened or it hasn't happened to their satisfaction.It's unrealistic to expect them to believe that change is going to magically occur now when it hasn't before.

So, your only real choice that will show them you are really genuine this time is to show them change with your actions.Don't try to make them feel guilty or remorseful. Move forward knowing that their feelings are valid and deserve your full attention.

The truth is, it's very likely that you know exactly what they want.You've likely been arguing about whatever is harming your marriage for quite some time.And, you know what makes them happy because you've done it before when you were first dating and when they fell madly in love with you the first time.

What If Your Spouse Isn't Speaking To You Or Won't Let You Show Them You've Changed? When Is It Too Late To Save The Marriage Yourself?: Many people who read my articles tell me "everything you've said makes sense and I want to show my husband / wife that things can and will change, but they won't let meor they aren't speaking to me, etc."

I believe that it is really never too late to save a marriage (except in cases of abuse). As long as one party is willing to take the steps and make the changes, it can certainly be done.

If your spouse is not receptive to or isn't taking to you, you will just have to take smaller baby steps and be a bit more patient.

The truth is, there are always legitimate reasons that you will need to talk with or interact with your spouse and when you do, you will then display this best version of yourself the open, easy going, loving person that they first fell in love with.

However, with that said, don't try to go over the top to "prove" yourself to them.Don't communicate with them too much or follow them around. This is only going to make you appear clingy, needy, and unattractive.

They may doubt you at first or wonder what game you're playing, but keep right on doing it because eventually, as they continue to be exposed to this person, they will begin to stop questioning it and hopefully will eventually just enjoy it.

My husband was initially hesitant when I used this technique to save our marriage, but eventually, (though commitment and lots of effort), he came to see that I was sincere and committed. I was able to not only save the marriage, but make it stronger. And I was the only one interested in doing so at the time. You can read my very personal story of how I stopped the divorce (when I was the only one interested in doing so) on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

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