Can Women Be the Man of the House?
It was the early 60's
It was the early 60's. JFK was president and father knew best.
I, as a young girl, answered the stylish princess rotary telephone. The man on the other end said, "May I speak with the man of the house?"
This was code. The man--who would be called a telemarketer-- wanted to speak with the person who made the family's buying decisions.
Every family has a leader. Sometimes it's a man and sometimes it's a woman and sometimes it's the toddler.
Some leaders are more effective than others, whether it's a man or a woman. And some leadership styles work better than others.
The most leadership style difference generally fall along gender lines, and here's how I think of the difference.
When I was a surgeon, I had side-by-side exam rooms. When my son was born, I converted one of the exam rooms to a nursery. One day, while standing in the hall, I had a light bulb moment: it was as if I were two different people walking through these two doors.
When I went into the exam room on the left, I had a mission focus; I was there to arrive at a diagnosis and create a treatment plan. I was there to do something to cure my patients. I had a doing mindset.
When I went into the nursery to see my son, my job was to connect with him. I had a being mindset.
In general, men lead from a doing mindset and women lead from a being mindset.
Each mindset has its strengths.
The major strength of someone leading from a doing mindset is the clarity that allows them to make choices that align with the family's core values and beliefs. They make unpopular choices-- like taking away the car keys from an unruly teenager or an aging parent with failing vision--knowing that the long-term gain outweighs the short term pain.
The major strength of someone leading from the being mindset is the ability to make its members feel valued, included and loved. It's a place where each member is always welcome.
An effective leader knows how to balance the being and doing mindsets.
A leader who embraces one mindset to the exclusion of the other is like a car that will only make right or left turns. You can get to where you want to go, but it it's the long, dangerous way.
A divorcing woman leading from a being mindset who buys her kids things instead of saying no is not moving her towards her bigger parenting goal of raising successful adults who are gracious when they don't get exactly what they want exactly when they want it.
The eldest son concerned about his aging parents' safety who springs into decisive independent action should not be surprised if his siblings and his parents are angry about his failure to consult with them.
Successful family leaders know when to lead from the being mindset and when to lead from the doing mindset. The fix-connect spectrum has a point of balance. The wise leader of either gender knows when it's time for doing and when it's time for being.
Want more information about family leadership? Go to at www.thecaregiverclub.info/women.pdf to get your free special report "Can Women Be Good Family Leaders?" The report'ss author Dr. Vicki Rackner is a former surgeon who now speaks and writes delivering practical solutions to common predictable problems family face. Reach her at (425) 451-3777.
Dr. Rackner will be delivering the keynote address "The Head of House is WHO?" at the upcoming Divorcing Divas Event on September 25, 2010 in Mpls MN.
Can Women Be the Man of the House?
By: CT Cram
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