Can you change yourself?
Can you change yourself?
Can you change yourself?
We always hear this expression: Nobody is perfect. All persons are imperfect. All human beings have feet of clay, so to speak. The big question is: Do we strive to lessen these imperfections and yearn to be almost perfect? We may laugh and say the almost perfect person is dull and pass and not to envied upon. This desire to be almost perfect does not refer to the outward physical appearance or the clothes or the manners we present to society. What we describe here is the true person: What he feels in his heart and his yearnings to be of value to others. The essence is to be more charitable to others to trying not to be a burden and to be responsible to our duties, coupled with sincerity. Could we change ourselves into a better person? We have much to gain in this process: Our family will be happier; we make ourselves lovable to others; and, we surely inspire others by our change. Not discounting the self-esteem we hope to regain.
The following case studies are offered for your perusal and discussion. We may or may not be doing what the person concerned is doing and shall just serve as an eye-opener to each one. In the event, if you are guilty of a similar offense, it is high time to sit down and gather your thoughts. Ask yourself: Am I this kind of a monster? Do I do these terrible things to my loved ones or friends? What shall I do to improve myself? How do I begin? How do I earn self-respect?
Case no.1
I know someone who is married to a simple and kind girl. He has a government job. Then they have four children. They live with their mother because she is a widow and lives alone. His wife continues her college studies and is a scholar. To take care of their baby, his mother-in-law agrees to leave her husband (his father-in-law) and takes care of their children. Their mother-in-law does other menial chores like laundry, cooking, cleaning and gardening. On Friday nights, his mother-in-law leaves for her own home and he gives her only PHP 100.00 about $2.00, just enough to buy one (1) kilo of rice and (1) piece of bangus (milkfish). Such gratitude!
Several times, he gets drunk and goes home. His own mother is not at home. He finds his wife and son and mother-in-law. He became violent and threw about flower pots and chairs. He hurled a plate of spaghetti to his wife's face right in front of his mother-in-law. He did not stop his violence and said terrible things to his mother-in-law. He does this a couple of times.
The next day, his mother-in-law leaves their house, swearing never to come back. But of course, she comes back to visit her daughter and grandchildren; not to stay from Monday to Friday, like before.
Nobody now takes care of their children. His own mother is too old to be relied upon as babysitter. His wife is forced to stop schooling...
As a married man, your priority is your family and your future. You lose a great deal from drunkenness and erratic behavior. A drunken man can still control himself, his speech and his manners. You lose the respect of your friends and neighbors.
Drink only what is minimal. Do not lose yourself through much alcohol. One lesson is enough- do not make it worse. The time may come his wife shall pack up her things and leave him for good. It is not too late, though their future becomes a little dim. His wife cannot study anymore. There is no need to say good jobs are easy to find when one is a degree holder.
The most unwise thing you can do is to antagonize the very people who shelter and support you. You must be loving and thoughtful to them and whenever possible, say in actual words which are magical like "thank you "; "You're very kind ", etc. You shall gain unimaginable dividends by reciprocating and appreciating their love.
What is wrong with most people is that we tend to be courteous, respectful and with their best foot forward attitude to other people who have not done anything good to us, not even offering us a cup of coffee. It's okay to be such to others, but the more cautious we should be to the very circle of human beings whose hearts pulsates with deep feelings towards loved ones.
According to President Barrack Obama, it is easy to start a war than to end a war. This is also true to the act he did to his mother-in-law. The big challenge now is how to win her back. It's never too late but he deserves the miserable state he is in now.
Case no.2
He has a good job. He and his wife have three children. His wife stays at home and has her own income. She is a hairdresser, a manicurist and a hog and plant grower. She sells her hog and plants to neighbors, friends, and customers from the city.
One weakness his husband has. He collects a string of girlfriends and of course, spends for them. His wife knows about them and shed bucket of tears. She once comes from a broken family. That is the reason why she does not leave her husband. She knows how difficult it is for her children whose parents break up.
Yet he persists in this philandering. As a result of his womanizing, he has not paid even for their house. Others with less income have paid up for their homes and have improved structures.
What do you gain by being dishonest to your wife? At his age, he would have enjoyed the fruits of his labor. A house fully paid for, a repaired home, a beautiful garden with a god wife to come home to. The women he is dealing with are only after his money, good times and temporary thrill. You cannot count on them when you are down. He is putting good investment on nonsense business. Loser you will be in due time. His hard-earned money should go to his family.
When you are old and gray and perhaps penniless, God forbids, these women will run scarce and only your wife will remain loyal and serve you to the last breath.
It's time to straighten up his conscience. He is not a teenager anymore.
Try to focus on your family. They are the best gifts you shall ever have. Your wife deserves a better husband not a sorry one. There is a Moslem saying which goes: "A good wife is man's greatest treasure." Take care of your treasure.
Case no.3
She is a teacher in a University. Her salary is good. Her husband is a pilot, with an income comparable to that of an (dollar) executive. They have three children.
What is admirable with her is that she manages rearing three kids being working mother at the same time. She pours a lot of time and energy in this aspect.
The cause of rift between her and her husband is her lack of control on spending money. She buys non-essentials for their household which is not necessary and she purchased expensive items like branded clothes, bags and shoes. Not even the really good salary of her husband can sustain these frivolities. To the extent that she suffer from many loans and can hardly meet the needs of her family like food, education, etc. She has many visitors in her home who represent loaning institutions.
Being a spendthrift is the fame of your life. How simple it would have been had you not developed this attitude.
She has incurred many problems: the disdain of her husband, the discomfort of her home and the inconvenience caused to her children.
By now, neighbors who have much less income have paid up their homes and repaired/ improved the old structures. Which goes to show, the other wives are good handlers of their family income?
Sad to say, she has been given this golden opportunity to receive high income and to manage family expenses wisely. Is it too late to harness what is left and bounce back to a better quality of life for your family?
Lead a simple life. The road ahead is not difficult; we ourselves make the road rocky and impassable. Make your family source of your personal satisfaction and happiness, not these passing worldly things. Be a matured person not an immature one who has not outgrown his/her childish desires.
It is safe to say, based on experience and observation, that it is the wife who holds the wheel of marriage. It is not 50-50 sharing. This will open a lot of discussion but believe you me; it is 40 for the man and 60 for the woman. Have we forgotten the saying: Behind every success of a man lies a woman? And behind the failure of a man lies a woman.
Who is erroneous in her way of living?
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