Children And Divorce Report: Are Its Findings A Reality?

A report has been published that suggests that family breakdown is just as devastating to children today as it was in the past

. The report states that although divorce is more common and more accepted now it doesnt make it any easier for children of the divorcing couple. The paper, which was produced by a team of academics, argues that family breakdown is consistently associated with psychological distress into adulthood of those whose parents separated during their childhood. It says that despite it becoming more common it has not reduced the mental scars and that a stable family background is crucial for a childs wellbeing.

Reporting on this paper the Daily Mail claimed, the findings undermine the claims of politicians, lawyers and activists who have argued for years that divorce causes no harm to children if parents part amicably and without conflict.

I will, in the remainder of this article, argue that this statement is not so black and white and that although divorce can have a profound impact on children, it doesnt have to and doesnt in all cases.

There is no doubt that divorce can be harmful to children. If they no longer see one parent, or only see one parent sporadically, then it can not only be upsetting but it can also have a more psychological effect, potentially having an influence on their behaviour and development. Similarly, if can be troubling for children if they see their parents constantly in conflict with one another or if they are lied to by one parent about the other. This, though, does not mean that family breakdown must have such an impact. While the findings of this report state that the psychological wounds can be profound, this does not prove that this is the case in all circumstances. It only appears to be looking at the very basic fact that divorce has an impact on some children, with some continuing to suffer well into adulthood.

I would, like many others, argue that parents staying together for the sake of the children does not always work. Not only does this lead to unhappy parents but unhappy children too. Children can sense if parents are in conflict with each other and where this is the case they are not living together as a family in the real sense. A family unit does not work if a husband and wife do not get along. The biggest impact on children is often said to be due to an absent parent, something this report appears to acknowledge. If a child remains in regular contact with both their Mother and Father then a large part of the psychological damage can be avoided. Divorce dealt with in the right way is better than an unhappy couple remaining together; living in one house but living in misery and conflict.

After a separation it is possible for both parents to remain close to their children, and in the majority of cases this is what happens. The problems do not occur when parents separate amicable and both continue to have a healthy relationship with their children to the same extent as it does when they are both bitter towards one another or one parent loses contact with a child. Whatever the circumstances of a divorce, children may feel a sense of loss and be sad for a period of time. This is, though, very different from suffering serious psychological harm indefinitely. In my opinion there is no doubt that an amicable breakup where the feelings of children are taken into account is preferable to parents remaining together in an unhappy marriage. The report referred to above as well as some articles written about it have looked at the subject from a very simplistic point of view and only seem to have covered how divorce can affect children and not how it affects them differently depending on the circumstances.

Andrew Marshall

by: expo09

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