Collaborative Divorce: It's Not an Oxymoron
Collaborative Divorce: It's Not an Oxymoron
The idea of getting a divorce seems - at the outset - to be anything but collaborative. In fact, just the mere mention of the word "divorce" conjures images of conflict, stress, and strife that all of us want to avoid like a root canal. Collaborate with the spouse with whom I no longer want to make a life, you're kidding right? Is there really any such thing as a peaceful divorce?
It may seem strange, even oxymoronic, to think of divorce as collaborative. But in my practice as an divorce mediation attorney in Walnut Creek, CA, I have seen evidence time and again that collaborating through what is often once of the most challenging experiences of your life will actually speed your own healing, your spouse's healing, and the healing of your children in ways you cannot even imagine.
Why? Because the very process of working through divorce in a way that feels fair and collaborative is actually restorative and life-affirming. In addition, having divorce mediation experts to help you navigate the complex and often overwhelming financial issues and family issues can be a huge boon to you, your spouse and your kids. If you are sick, you see doctor, right? So why not get some highly specialized collaboration attorney to help to navigate with dignity one of the most complex and often painful journeys of your life?
And the divorce statistics are overwhelming that adversarial divorce doesn't work. In fact, much research shows that it actually does damage - to you, your spouse, and your kids. Divorce is hard enough without adding the strife and complexity that often come with any proceeding that adds insult to injury because one side has to winand the other has to lose.
There is another way. You just have to know where to look. Lawyers and attorneys who specialize in mediation and collaborative practice (my divorce mediation practice is in Walnut Creek, CA) have the training to help you navigate this difficult journey with a dignity and purpose that will benefit your entire family by eliminating the win/lose paradigm and replacing that with a process in which we reach an agreement that works for both you.
Collaborative practice was invented in the early 1990s by Stu Webb, a Minnesota lawyer who saw that writing on the wall. And collaborative practice is picking up steam - especially in the United States, Canada, Europe and Australia. It works because it's quicker, cheaper and less painful.
And it's not rocket science. It basically pulls from the principles that guide all good conflict resolution: 1) you agree to forgo the traditional adversarial proceedings 2) you don't set out to capitalize on the mistakes of your spouse 3) you agree to get everything out in the open 4) you agree to keep appropriate information confidential 4) and you agree to treat your spouse as you would want to be treated.
The collaborative approach makes use of a team of people with expertise in particular niches. As an expert in mediation (I've been a practicing divorce mediation attorney for 25 years and now practice in Walnut Creek, CA, serving Contra Costa and Alameda Counties), I'm trained to help mediate conflict in a useful, productive and healing way. The collaborative process also makes use of child and mental health coaches to help you navigate the needs of your children, as well as your own anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed. These collaborative practice colleagues can also help you develop a plan for future parenting. Financial professionals can help educate both you and your spouse about the financial planning that can have a huge impact on you, your spouse and your children moving forward. With an experienced and well-trained collaborative practice expert, you can cover a lot of ground: financial issues including child custody and child support, parenting schedules, health insurance coverage, property division, possible tax consequences, and spousal support, to name only a few.
Find out why I am the mediation attorney walnut creek for you by calling me at 925-932-7026. If there is another choice for dissolving your marriage, don't you owe it to yourself to explore the option? Once you learn more about mediation and collaborative divorce, you'll realize that divorce can be accomplished with dignity and grace, and that you can come through it with your wallet and your sanity intact.
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