Determining Meaning - Discovering Who We Are and Who We Want To Be
Determining Meaning - Discovering Who We Are and Who We Want To Be
We need to determine meaning in our lives, what is important to us, because although we do not need to know at all times exactly where we are heading, we do need to know if we are heading in a direction we have chosen.
We need to make this determination for ourselves and our relationship to our children. We do not decide the meaning of our children's lives, this they should do for themselves. We do decide what part they play in ours, what is their meaning in our lives, and what is our meaning in theirs.
Some of us may have wrestled with the question, "What is the meaning of life?" Others may ask, "What is the meaning of my life?" At the very least, as parents, we have the responsibility of asking, "What is the meaning of children in my life?" After we answer this question for ourselves, we must then take the steps to actualize it; we translate this meaning into our intention, our desires, and then realize our desires by focusing our energy, our attention, on these desires.
The decision we make to be parents is often by default; everyone else is doing it and it is expected, so why not. We may have spent time with other babies and enjoyed that experience. There may be a biological drive or a romantic notion to have a baby with someone we love. Our marriage may not be living up to our expectations and we need someone to love, someone to love us. Or we think that having children will fulfill us, that being needed will give us purpose. For some, it is a mistake that wasn't meant to happen.
Whatever the reason, we often don't give having children a lot of serious thought. In order to balance our lives with our children's, appreciate, and guide them in a healthy and mutually fulfilling way, we need to reflect on this concept of parenthood. We need to distinguish between what it means to us and what it should mean to us: between what is conventional and the status quo, and what we independently think, believe, and want for ourselves and our children. When we make these distinctions, know what's important in our relationship with our children, we are empowered to focus our energies on the realization of our desires. When we determine what is truly important in our lives, when it comes from the inside rather than the outside, our life flows naturally, as our intent is spontaneously expressed from our convictions; as we embody our truths they flow effortless through us manifesting our intent in a co-creation of life. When we discover our own truths, embody the conviction of our own knowing, we become passionate - not righteous - about our truths, meaning and purpose.
We understand our life has meaning because we have decided so. We have discovered our meaning, what is important to us, and we place this meaning squarely in front of us; we do not lose sight of it and it guides us through the difficult times and in making decisions that will benefit all. It becomes our melody, capable of soothing and inspiring us when the going gets tough. We don't give up and we don't give up hope, because we understand that we're here to do something and we're not giving in until it gets done.
Whether you are secular or religious, it doesn't matter. You have children. You have the ability to transform the world through them. You can influence generations to come. You achieve immortality through an expanding lineage. You are more than human and less than God-like. Which direction are you headed?
Paul Zucker, Author of Parenting Book "Loving Our Children, Loving Ourselves - How We Achieve Our Mutual Happiness And Fulfillment"
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