Do You Have The Right Divorce Support? Find Out Here...

How to Recover From Your Divorce: Characteristics to help you create a life of abundant love

, passion, & happiness, Part 5 - The Importance of Comfort.

You may not realize this, and in fact I'd be willing to bet you the state of California you don't, comfort is one of the MAJOR skills which will drastically transform your life & help you to get the breakthroughs you want. The reality is if you're unable to experience comfort your problems will continue to persist, get worse & go unresolved. Maybe things aren't volatile in your life, however I bet there's a lot of avoidance, passive-aggressive behavior, and the old "sweeping problems under the rug" going on too. To be frank: If your life & relationships with others is less than you hoped a huge chunk of your disappointment is because there's no consistent expression and practice of comfort. It is a skill you and others in your life lack.

You're probably thinking to yourself right now, "What's the big deal about comfort?" Or perhaps, "I don't need comfort, I need my people to get thier act together". Or maybe, "Comfort? How's that going to change the way someone shuts down whenever they doesn't like something?" How about, "Comfort? It would be way more useful to learn how get the happiness, love & fulfillment I want." Well, I'm glad you brought up that last point; that's exactly what learning how to give and receive comfort will do.

How would YOU define "comfort"? ... Think back for a moment with me...when was the last time you can remember someone actually comforted you? My guess is you're not too sure how to define comfort and you can't really remember any memories of being comforted. Or, the memories you have involve someone doing something for you, like making you soup when you're sick, or saying something along the lines of "It'll get better. ... It'll be OK. ... You'll pull through it. ... Everyone goes through this. ..." None of those examples are actual comfort, and if you identified with any of them it means you've never experienced comfort, which tells me it's no surprise you don't know how to OFFER comfort either. After all, as I like to say, "How can you ever be expected to be able to do something you were never TAUGHT to do in the first place?"

You can't use a skill you don't have.

Comfort is ESSENTIAL in truly getting to know yourself or another. I'm not saying you don't know what you're kid's birthday is or your mom's favorite hobby. I mean truly getting to know yourself and others on a deeply intimate level. Do you know what it was like for your friend to grow up as a child in thier family of origin? Do you remember if you were ever bullied, what it felt like, and how your mom or dad responded? Did their pet die when they were young, and how did your family respond to you? How did it feel moving and starting at a new school, if this was one of your experiences? This stuff may seem like it all 'happened in the past', however, as you know from the last section on resolving childhood issues, the past - our past relationship history - is a huge part of what shapes our beliefs and expectations about future relationships & how we will 'show up' in our life & relationships. It shapes our thoughts, values, attitude, feelings & behavior. It shapes who we choose romantically. It shapes how we deal with conflict.

Comfort helps you to get to know yourself and another on this deeper level. It helps you to have compassion & empathy for yourself & others because you now know why you respond the way you do or why you have the beliefs you do. Most of the reasons we respond the way we do in our life & relationships with others have little if NOTHING to do with someone else. Mostly, we're responding to the person or persons our friend, child, or co-worker represents to us. What this means to you is you may be responding to what happened to you at 8 years old, or when your girlfriend twenty years ago cheated on you or when your parents divorced when you were thirteen or when you're dad left when you were six or when you were in a car accident when you were seven and you weren't allowed to see your mom for two months. Hell, you may not even remember this kind of stuff, but as you now know from the previous article series, this stuff severely affects you in the present. As you learn to practice the skill of comfort you'll be able to reclaim these "lost" aspects of your self. The feelings which were dangerous to feel, the thoughts which were scary to express, the questions which were denied answers...all of this stuff gets brought out, expressed, VALIDATED, and RESOLVED by practicing the simple skill of comfort.

P.S.: Was this helpful to you? Did you learn something new or were you reminded of something you needed to be reminded of? I'd love to hear your comments or questions! Either leave a comment or email me. If there's someone you care about & think this might be a benefit to them as well, do them a favor and "Pass it on!"

by: ProvenDivorceSupport.com

POST COMMENT

What Divorce Can Do To Your Lives What To Do When One Spouse Wants A Divorce How to Pay Divorce Attorney Fees when Spouse Controls Money Divorce Is Hard On Extended Families, Too Getting A Best Houston Divorce Attorney Help with Separation and Divorce Stop Your Divorce: 3 Ways To Do It A Dedicated, COMPASSIONATE, AND PERSONABLE DIVORCE ATTORNEY Five Steps to Surviving Divorce For the Over 50 Want a Free Divorce Records? The Top Ten Most Common Reasons People Get Divorced Two Ways to a Cheap Uncontested Divorce Consequences of a Divorce