Everyday Self Destruction
All too often, if you read the self help or personal development literature
, an analogy is drawn between sporting excellence and how we can live our ordinary everyday lives. A couple of weeks ago, during a one-day workshop, I discussed this very idea with a group of long-standing clients in the context of the difficulty of maintaining focus during the course of the day. Of course, at this point, it must be said that there is little point in starting the day focused if, by ten oclock in the morning, unforeseen circumstances have derailed you life is full of unforeseen circumstances! That said, all you have to do is turn on the sports channels on your TV to see how the experts focus. Placekickers in rugby as they prepare to take that all important kick, tennis players as they serve, golfers as they prepare to tee off... pick your favourite sports, youll see focus in action. However, placekickers often miss, tennis players regularly double-fault and golfers often end up in the strangest of places. And they only have to focus for the few key moments before they do the deed. Ordinary everyday life isnt like that weve got to for much longer periods of time. What chance have we got?
Well, actually, none! For starters, psychology tells us that the so-called normal adult focuses on pretty much nothing. In fact, we have a whole range of psychological defence mechanisms that ensure that we only focus on potentially life-changing or life-threatening events. And, on the basis that the modern human mind evolved to its current state between 1.8m and ten thousand years ago, the kind of things we are expert at focusing on are man-eating lions and tigers - of little use to us in the twenty first century!
Experts in the art of focus, like Thich Nhat Hanh, tell us that focus is damn difficult and well nigh impossible on a continuing basis. In his book 'The Miracle of Mindfulness' Hanh explains how difficult it is to maintain focus whilst going for a walk - and how impossible that is if we have someone who has decided to come for the walk with us. However, in ordinary everyday life, it's pretty difficult to get away from people. Our world is full of noise. And not the least of it is the constant noise in our heads - psychology tells us that we have roughly fifty thousand random thoughts every day.
Psychology tells us that it is a scientific fact that, if you are not focused, you will not experience happiness, peace of mind, contentment or success. And, on the basis of my work with my personal development clients over the last sixteen years, as these qualities of life seem to be high up the thinking person's agenda, I've met a lot of very disappointed and frustrated people. Like the group of people that I was with recently who came to the conclusion that the sole barrier to achieving all those wonderful things in life is... you've guessed it - ourselves. We are our own worst enemies. We are the sole barrier to peace of mind, contentment, success and happiness.
As a result, you will find people caught in the act of self destruction everywhere you look - you are probably one of them yourself. People who feel that they are inadequate, people who keep repeating the same mistakes (in business, in relationships, in investments) as they go through life, people who want so much from life but do so little about it because they cannot galvanize themselves into action. People who lack focus.
By way of example, have you ever found yourself wanting to say something witty, intelligent or pithy in the course of conversation only to find that you've wasted a split second thinking about it - and, in that split second, your opportunity has passed you by? This is a far closer analogy for the normal life than the focus sportspeople we talked of earlier. Life is full of opportunity but we're too busy thinking useless thoughts - fifty thousand of them every day.
You've got to stop thinking about living and start actually living. Focus is your key to extra-ordinary living - the only key you need to open up a world of opportunity, happiness and success. And focus simply means paying attention to what is actually happening rather than being buried up your backside admiring the view and wondering why your life is so full of - well, you know what!
I started this article by talking about a group of clients who had come to the conclusion that they were their own worst enemies. What I should have said, by way of clarification, was that these guys found themselves frustrated that they weren't focused all of the time! Over their years of practice, they have developed an extra-ordinary level of focus and, as a result, live their ordinary lives extra-ordinarily. They all have balance in their lives, good jobs or fine businesses, happy relationships, good health and peace of mind. It's just that, having seen what's possible, they want more!
How have they developed this level of focus? How have they broken the cycle of useless thought and started doing rather than thinking about doing? They meditate. Some of them, who don't like the word 'meditation', tell me they do their daily mental exercises - but it all amounts to the same thing. Meditation, above all else, disciplines an otherwise totally undisciplined mind. Go and find out what meditation can do for you.
Copyright (c) 2011 Willie Horton
by: Willie Horton
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