Fairy Tales For Caregivers: What's The Lesson?
Fairy tales weave in and out of our lives as children and unless we grow up
, marry and have children ourselves, fairy tales become part of our forgotten past. Did you ever consider that historical fairy tales, fables and poems reflect virtues and lessons valuable today in navigating care for ourselves and our loved ones?
The following are selected stories from The Book of Virtues, a Treasury of Great Moral Stories to which I have added a practical twist that relates to caregiving. Depending on your geographic location and the time of your birth you may be familiar or unfamiliar with these stories; however they all hold wonderful lessons and meaning.
Jim by Hilaire Belloc (1993: 33,34)- "Who ran away from his nurse, and was eaten by a lion." In modern day health care we often want to run away from the system, our family members and whoever or whatever proves to be difficult. Navigating caregiving can be difficult but if it is taken one day at a time and with a dose of laughter the situation can be manageable.
The Due by Eugene Field (1993: 34, 35) - "In which we discover the unfortunate consequences of fighting." If we wait to address stressful caregiving issues we lose the ability to obtain a stable, balanced foundation with our loved ones because it is too late and the situation has spun out of control. It is important to have the courage to discuss issues when the arise so that fights and unwanted consequences do not occur.
Diamonds and Toads retold by Charles Perrault (1993:112-114) - "We learn the old lesson that to speak kindly does not hurt the tongue. To speak with anger and disagreeableness, however, may bring unhappiness". Think before you open your mouth especially if you are feeling stressed. Imagine that your loved one with whom you are impatient may also feel stressed and more likely is suffering from health issues. Step back, take a deep breath and exercise patience.
Grandmother's Table adapted from the Brothers Grimm (1993:143,144) - "It may be that the older we get, the more this story will mean to us. But we should learn it while we are young, for the sake of the generation coming before us". Family traditions are slipping away. By learning and sustaining traditions we are able to maintain continuity in family relationships and live as an example to future generations so that we can become The Caring Generation.
Vigil Strange I Kept on the Field One Nigh by Walt Whitman (1993:175, 176) - "True compassion runs deeper than the kind of grief in which we know only our own pain from another's death. True compassion seeks to understand, or at least recognize, the tragedy dealt to life suddenly lost". Sudden loss takes us by surprise. It lets us know that life is uncertain and that the unknown may be just around the corner, that is why it is important to plan for care needs long before they arise.
For Want of a Horseshoe Nail adapted from James Baldwin (1993: 198,199) - "Reminds us that little duties neglected bring great downfalls". Most caregivers neglect themselves. Be mindful as this will catch up with you resulting in an inability to do exactly that which you desire -- to take care of a loved one. Balance is the key to successful and sane caregiving.
Which Loved Best by Joy Allison (1993:204) - "Through dedication to duties we show devotion to the ones we love." By caring for ourselves we identify quality of life is important. By caring for others we acknowledge that they are important. The quality of our ability to care becomes a reflection of our relationships with others.
The Bell of Atri retold by James Baldwin (1993:208-210) - "This old story reminds us that the essence of what we know as justice in civil affairs is people living up to their obligations toward one another". Culture can be a determinant of our obligations in life. No matter if you accept or reject obligations you will find yourself in situations that are difficult to fulfill, especially caregiving for a loved one. Seek help and your efforts will be rewarded.
The Leopard's Revenge, an African Folktale (1993:460)-"Courage involves knowing what to fear, but that in itself is not enough...The father leopard of this story may be circumspect, but his taking revenge on a weaker, innocent party is hardly courageous". Do not take advantage of individuals frail and unable to take care of themselves. If you cannot be a good caregiver; acknowledge your inability and see other assistance for your loved one. This is not a sign of weakness but a sign of wisdom.
The Bridge Builder by Will Allen Dromgoole (1993:223) -"This poem speaks of each generation's responsibilities to its successors". Build bridges between all age groups and seek common ground. Disagreements build chasms; similarities build support. In seeking to cross the generational divide of caregiving it is important to be able to look at the situation from the perspective of another.
Our lives are shaped by moral and ethical dilemmas. At any given time you may experience challenging situations where your moral undertone is threatened by choice. Neglecting personal situations, likely the root cause, makes us feel like we have little or no control. An example of this is being a care provider for a loved one in a modern society with daily stressors of working, caring for family and living up to personal expectations of daily life -- this perfect house can become too much and crumble on any given day.
Source: Bennett, William J. (1993) "The Book of Virtues, A Treasury of Great Moral Stories". New York, NY: Simon & Schuster
by: Pamela Dombrowski-Wilson
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