Helping a Grieving Friend by:Eileen Joyce

When someone is going through devastating loss due to the death of a loved one

, a divorce, the loss of a job, or any major change that affects normal routines; the feelings of grief can be overwhelming. Grieving can hit us like a tidal wave or numb us like a stagnant pool of water. How can we move through times of significant loss, when change comes uninvited into our lives?

Sometimes the only thing to do is sit and be with the miserable feeling waiting patiently for a new feeling or thought to motivate us. Mostly we are in the habit of doing anything to avoid them. But, deep down we know the pain is looming in some corner of our mind, our heart, and our body.

When we are emotionally in pain, just like with a physical pain, it is hard to get anything done. At the time we need help the most, we are most unable to ask for it. Understanding this, if you know someone going through tough times, you might want to offer some help. Be specific about things you could do for them, because they may not be thinking very clearly.

Talking to a friend the other day, I learned that a family we both know is going through the recent death of their father, and now a sister has just found out she has a terminal illness.

We started saying things like, "oh how terrible" and "I feel so bad for them" and "I wonder what anyone can do for them. How are they going to get through this?" Just as I was about to change the subject because we were both starting to feel really bad, my friend said, "let's do something to help even if it's a couple of little things." We made a list, things like; get groceries, make a dinner, do the laundry. We decided she would call this week and I would call the next week.

When people are going through devastating times, it's good to remember they may not ask for what they need, that actions speak louder than words, and small things done with great love can make a big difference.

About the author

Eileen has a 35 year background of experience in business, marketing, coaching, and grief recovery. As well as being a Grief Recovery Specialist certified by The Grief Recovery Institute, Eileen is a Hudson Institute Certified Coach, and a graduate of The Core Essentials Program, Coach U, Inc.; The Foundation and Life Navigation Programs, Roth Methods; and Group Leader Training, Our House (grief support services). Eileen lives in Los Angeles and coaches people in person and via telephone individually and in small groups.

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