How to Manage Your Emotions - Four Simple Self Help Steps You Can Take Anytime, Anywhere, Anyplace

How to Manage Your Emotions - Four Simple Self Help Steps You Can Take Anytime

, Anywhere, Anyplace

Recent and exhaustive research has proven that EQ (Emotional Intelligence) affects more than 60% of your performance at work. Research has also shown that EQ affects your health and relationships. Finally EQ has proved to be a far more reliable predictor of one's success in life than IQ.

Emotional Intelligence can be broken down into four areas: self awareness, self management, social awareness and relationship management. In a poll conducted by researchers Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves most people have an intuitive understanding of EQ and also of its importance. However about 80% of the population is clueless about how to actually improve EQ and use it to their benefit. This article will focus on the 2nd quadrant viz. self management. This is where the rubber meets the road.

In five minutes you will walk away with valuable real world life skills that you can deploy with impressive returns on your investment of effort. "To Be Prepared Is Half The Victory" -- Miguel Cervantes. If you are aware that a situation is fraught with emotional land mines then plan ahead on how you wish to behave. Even visualize yourself behaving the ideal way. I found this to be a very effective step in my own life. Most days when I return from work my wife is stressed to the maximum after looking after two very naughty toddlers. She would vent on me and I would react angrily. But when I prepared myself in advance by anticipating that she may vent at me because she had a bad day, I was far better behaved when the event actually occurred.

Not all events in life can be anticipated in advance, life is not that obliging. What do you in that case? There are two techniques you can practice. The first is to pause. Research has shown that you just need to pause three seconds from the time you receive a stimulus and the time you respond. Why three seconds and not two or five? The human brain needs only three seconds to form an impression. So if you pause for three seconds you will give yourself a chance to replace your first impulse with a more reasoned response. These three seconds are so important that entire books have been written on this. One excellent book that I recommend is the "Power Of Thinking Twice" by Less Parrot.

The second technique for handling unanticipated stressors is to practice perspective. You do this by putting the event that is causing a behavioral reaction in you, in context. You look at the big picture before indulging in your emotional behavior. A commonly cited example and one with which most of us including me are familiar is road rage. This is one situation where you can get very emotional very quickly and where you have a deadly weapon, your vehicle, with which to vent your emotions.

I still remember an interview on TV held several years ago in which a convict who was awarded a life long imprisonment was being interviewed. He was a law abiding citizen with no previous record of any crime. One day when he was driving in his truck he got into a shouting match with another motorist, pulled out his gun and shot him dead. Unfortunately you could be this person if you were to lose your cool. Keep that in mind next time you are experiencing an emotional reaction.

The last and final technique is to practice self talk. This is the mental conversation that you have with yourself. Some people think this is rather esoteric. I was one of them until I caught myself indulging in it. And like most people, it was negative self talk. Please note that we are always having a self talk whether we realize it or not. So become aware that you indulge in self talk and take control of it. Practice intentional and positive self talk. You will notice a difference.

To sum up, the four techniques that I have listed are: pause, prepare, put in perspective and positive self talk. These are simple and practical techniques. Do not let the simplicity fool you. These are very effective. I have used some personal examples but these techniques are not the result of anecdotal experience but rather the result of hard science. These work if you work them.

Naveen Thalanki is a book lover, an IT project manager and an Internet Marketeer. He is very into human psychology.

He mines the internet for the best self-help eBooks written by leading authors.This is advice that has been tested and works.

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