How to Overcome Your Fears & Worries and Enjoy Life Whatever Happens!
How to Overcome Your Fears & Worries and Enjoy Life Whatever Happens!
If you've ever been lying awake worrying and unable to fall asleep, just to wake up with a sleep deficit the next morning you know what I mean.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WORRIED AND HAPPY PEOPLE
Stressed people always have too many worries all rooted in one basic fear: the fear of not meeting expectations (whose expectations anyway? and how important are these people really?).
Happy people have worries, too, but the difference is that they know how to deal with them effectively and get rid of them fast. This article will make these tools available to you, too.
WORRIES GROW WITH ATTENTION TO THEM
Most people cannot let go of their worrisome thoughts as if forgetting about them will make the dreaded thing happen. Guess what? The opposite is true. Worries grow the more attention you give them. The great news, however, is: you already have the power to make them go away. And this article will show you how to use it.
WORRIES ARE THOUGHTS WHICH MAKE YOU FEEL BAD - REPLACE THEM
To reassure you straight away that it is possible, just make yourself aware of the fact that worries are nothing but thoughts which make you feel bad. Yes, worries are thoughts that derive from thinking about a possible negative outcome, an unwanted turn of events. Who chooses what you think? I hope your answer is: ME, or else we have a different issue to tackle. So if YOU decide what you think, then YOU are in control of what sort of thoughts you want to have, right? Once you become aware of this simple fact, you instantly know WHAT to do: replace the painful and unpleasant thoughts with more uplifting and energizing ones.
This leaves the question of the HOW to do that. After a few more important facts about worries, this article will show you several strategies on how to take control over your thoughts.
WORRIES ARE USELESS - HERE IS THE PROOF
Worries are the anti-thesis to happiness. They distract you from enjoying life and the NOW - the only time to experience happiness. Here is why ALL worries are wasted:
40% of worries are about events that will never happen
30% of worries are about events that have already happened
22% of worries are about trivial events
4% of worries are about events we cannot change
4% of worries are about real events on which we can act
(and these are also wasted because we can actually do something about them)
THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL WORRIES
There is one underlying for all sorts of worries. It is the fear not to be able to handle the situation. That's it. Whatever you worry about, ultimately, you are afraid of not being able to handle the consequences. The truth is, however, you will always be able to find a way forward. That way forward may not be the one you had in mind before, but it will be there. Even if you don't know a way forward now, trust that you will figure it out when it all comes to it. TRUST is a key concept here. Just imagine, you would KNOW that whatever happens, whatever life throws at you, you will manage somehow, you will find some sort of way forward. If you knew that, what would there be left to fear? The answer is: NOTHING. And what if life always gave you exactly what you needed to make progress in your personal development? Then you could relax and let it come - whatever it is. Decide to trust: " Whatever happens, I will handle it" and notice how it makes you feel.
FACT: THERE IS NO PROGRESS WITHOUT FEAR AND WORRIES
The fact is, as long as you develop fear and worries will ALWAYS be in your life. Yes! They will NEVER go away. Everytime you try something new, you step out of your comfort zone, and the uncertainty about the outcome will produce feelings of fear and worrisome thoughts. This is the same for everyone. Once you know that fear and worries will always be part of a meaningful and exciting life, you can relax and focus your energy on managing your worries rather than fighting them. The best way to manage fear and worries is to go ahead regardless of them and trust that you can handle whatever comes next. Make fear and worries your companion in life.
6 STRATEGIES TO DEAL WITH WORRIES:
1. USE LOGIC
Ask yourself what is really true about this fear or worry? Go and find the facts alone or with a partner. You will see that most worries are totally generalized, over-exaggerated or plain false! Thoughts like "nobody likes me" are rarely ever true and yet their devastating effect on your emotions is as real as if it was. So don't TRUST your worries! Once you have the facts (e.g. well, my mum likes me, my neighbour/doctor likes me etc. etc), the worry loses its power. There is a story about a man seeing Dr. Schuller I would like to share with you"
The man said, "It's over. I'm finished. All my money has gone. I'VE LOST EVERYTHING."
Dr. Schuller asked, "Can you still see?"
The man replied, "Yes, I can still see."
Dr. Schuller asked, "Can you still walk?"
The man replied, "Yes, I can still walk."
Schuller said, "Obviously you can still hear of you wouldn't have phoned me."
"Yes, I can still hear."
"Well," Schuller said, "I figure you have got about EVERYTHING LEFT. All you have lost is your money!"
This story is a bit simplistic but simplistic examples make the point: we tend to generalize "lost everything" and feel the respective negative feelings, when in reality we (only) lost some/a lot of money.
2. REMIND YOURSELF, THAT BAD THINGS DON'T HAPPEN THAT OFTEN
We tend to expect the worst everytime but the worst hardly ever happens. How often has the worst case scenario truly come to life for you? Rarely, I bet. So why do we insist that next time it will happen? It's simply a bad habit. So tell yourself, that the worst thing happens very rarely!
3. REMIND YOURSELF, THAT EVEN IF THINGS ARE A LITTLE BIT BAD, YOU CAN HANDLE IT AND GET THROUGH IT
So even if things don't work out the way you hoped. It's hardly ever the end of the world. Focus on the things you are still grateful for and try and see something positive in the outcome even if it's difficult to spot at first. I had cancer a couple of years ago and it felt like the end of the world at first, but it was also a blessing for me, a wake up call to re-focus on what truly matters to me, rather than blindly following the expectations of my boss/my company/society as a whole. If nothing else, you will always find some learning in a bad outcome - learning you would never have had, had it turned out otherwise! So look for the little good in the bad and keep going.
Next time you find yourself despairing, ask yourself these questions:
1. Have I got enough air to breathe?
2. Have I got enough food for today?
3. Am I going to survive?
If the answer is YES, things are already looking up! So often, we magnify things out of proportion. The worst thing that could happen is probably very inconvenient, but not the end of the world.
If it helps you, make a plan of what you would do in the worst case scenario. This often helps to realize that things won't be all that bad after all and you will gain some valuable peace of mind.
4. IGNORE YOUR WORRIES
You already know that worries grow with attention. The opposite is true as well. When you don't spend time on them, worries shrivel and go away!
Obviously you cannot simply NOT worry at all but you can manage your worries. Set a specific worry time every day: 15 minutes in which you are allowed to worry about everything and anything. Just don't do it outside your worry time.
If your worry pops up outside worry time, either imagine a box in your mind in which you lock this worry till it's time or simply write it on a piece of paper and then put it away till worry time. You know you will spend time on it later.
Ask others to support you with this. Inform them about when your worry time is! Distract yourself with something else in the meantime. As if you switch a television channel, change thinking channel by remembering a happy memory, something that made you fell fabulous. Remember it with all your senses (what you see, hear, smell, felt, tasted). Alternatively think of something you are good at (comforting your child, folding clothes, skiing or coming up with ideas etc etc). Use this tool every time you need to, ideally 5 minutes daily.
At first this will feel hard, as you have so many worries and you can't wait to think or talk about them. After a while, however, something remarkable will happen...your list or your mental box won't be as full as you thought.
5. STAND UP TO YOUR WORRY & TALK BACK
Did you know that your worry is actually a bully? As long as you take it, the bully will continue to mistreat you. Imagine the bully as an ugly creature. Get angry and talk back.
At first the bully is still stronger than you (after all it had you under control for so long) but you can train to win this match. You already know that your worry bully generalizes, over-exaggerates and lies. He will try and make you believe that the worst thing will definitely happen when it is very unlikely to happen. So don't trust it! TALK BACK and imagine kicking or flicking it away. Keep doing that (the bully sees you as a weakling you listens to everything) as the bully will try again several times. Keep busy with something else.
6. STRENGTHEN YOUR BODY - RELAX AND EXERCISE
Research shows that good nutrition, regular exercise and sufficient 6-8 hours of sleep keep worries away. Without it, you literally invite the worries into your life.
Silke Rehman is a co-active life coach specializing in helping powerful women, who dream of making a real difference in this world. She coaches because she loves seeing her clients grow and achieve things they did not think were possible. Silke shares her thoughts and expertise with the world at http://www.developandgrow.com.
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