I'll Take It Like A Woman, Thanks

Ill take it like a woman, thanks

Ill take it like a woman, thanks

By Monica Gallagher

One of my relatives, who Ill call Aunt Carla, is in her 50s. She grew up poor and was working poor after her divorce, despite organizing with her female coworkers at the office for better pay and treatment. She eventually gained financial stability for herself and her kids by taking a physically demanding, boring job (her description) that paid an unusually livable union wage. She feels fortunate to have the retirement and healthy savings she does as a result. I respect Aunt Carlas choices, but I am frustrated that she doesnt seem to respect my firm belief that working parents options need to be better than hers were.

I am in my 30s. I grew up solidly middle class and completed my bachelors degree as my parents expected all of us children to do. I have always felt fortunate to have financial stability, if not wealth. My workplace is far more family-friendly and progressive than average. The job really works for my family, specifically for our personal parenting ideals, and I believe more workers should have the opportunity for part-time work at a livable wage, job shares, paid parenting leave and flexible hours, and to be judged by productivity and relationships with clients, and not by how they rank in the contest to sacrifice family and personal time.

When I express concern about the great responsibilities of a cousin who accepted an extremely prestigious, responsible position just months after the birth of her second child, Carlas voice takes a hard edge, and she fumes clichs such as, The workplace has been this way for 100 years. I read between the lines: Youre unrealistic. Be glad the womens movement made it possible for you to work at all, and take it like a man.

I am not a man. I am one of the capable, hardworking women who believe the 80s Superwoman archetype is bogus. It sets up women who are mere mortals for serious anxiety and stress. Many working men, for that matter, would like to feel freer to get a life. A local talk show host and dad commented this week that, in his opinion, many workplaces that brag about being family-friendly dont go beyond allowing workers to have a family picture on their desks. Who is willing to say were at the end of the road in terms of improving peoples work lives? I am not. Aunt Carla, for the record, retired early from her job.

My conversations with Aunt Carla encapsulate different social and political influences and also a nagging pettiness I myself am guilty of: moms in competition with moms who dont do life exactly their way. If my husband and I abused or neglected our kids, Aunt Carla would be justified in intervening. If I abused or neglected my job, my pink slip would be justified. But my desire to continue workplace reform beyond the mere inclusion of women is justified, too. To argue otherwise is to dishonor the labor movement Aunt Carla values so highly, the feminist movement and the unique journeys of women of my generation. Yes, my road so far has been softer than Aunt Carlas, for many reasons, including the fact that I come after those who worked for progress before us. Im still concerned about my cousin, and all women who feel pressure to make the Superwoman shtick appear easy. At the moment, I am in a position where I can admit this without losing my job. Not everyone has that luxury; therefore, I feel compelled to make my voice heard.

by: Monica Gallagher

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