Increasing Your Self Worth
One of the worst problems facing most singles on the dating scene is that after many
dates and perhaps a few failed relationships, good self esteem can at times be difficult to maintain. In order to learn how to improve your confidence level you will first need to take a good look at your life. This first step towards better self esteem is often the one that chases most people away as they have no desire to analyze their lives too closely.
Preparation:
Those who are suffering from low self esteem will often find taking a realistic looks at their lives difficult as it will require as much honesty as possible. This is often a real problem for those who often tend to see themselves in a poor light. To help with this exercise you may want to try:
*Enlisting the help of a family member or friend who you believe can be honest about how they see you as a person.
*Disregard any tendencies to be harder on yourself than you are on others.
*Compare qualities which you admire in others to yourself and see if you find a good place to begin building on.
*Focus only on constructive criticisms rather than using punishing or injuring terms.
Once you begin you may want to create two categories about yourself to focus on: those traits which you would like to change and those you believe are worth keeping. It may sound like a frustrating and time consuming task, but in order to solve the problems you must know where their origins lie.
Beginning this task when under a time crunch or in uncomfortable circumstances is not recommended as you will need to feel relaxed when attempting to summon up some fairly deep feelings. Make sure that when you begin this task you are in a safe place, where intrusions will be kept to a minimum and your privacy is assured.
The Elements:
There are several common categories in which people often find themselves wishing for improvement and it is likely that you may come across some of these when attempting to improve your outlook and your life. By following these self esteem activities you may find the path to help yourself away from your current outlook and into a better way of life.
Physical Appearance:
Certain people work very hard not to allow this trait to influence their lives and are often removed from such ideas as fashion trends or hair styles. Most of society, however, feels the need to stay in tune to such elements and there are many reasons why a person might want to at the very least compromise on such an issue.
Employment opportunities often depend on a person's first impression and a poorly dressed person may find that they acquire an immediate strike against them should they choose to dress in such a way that is considered abnormal.
The health risks included for those who are seriously over or under weight are not only dangerous, but also send a very negative message to others.
Those who simply ignore their appearance should be especially aware that in the dating world the action of sprucing up is not just about physical attraction, but is also taken as a sign of the effort one is willing to put into any type of a relationship.
For these reasons and many more those look at building self esteem should take some note of how they appear to others. A sense of originality can be a wonderful thing when it is blended with what is considered fashionable and the admiration of others can be a wonderful way to increase a person's confidence.
There are those that might consider the aspiration to be admired physically as a shallow one and while almost anyone can understand this line of thinking, to ignore the very real effect that a physical appearance has on the outside world is to ignore a very large part of society.
The Step: Take a good look at your appearance. From the way you dress, weight, hair style and any other physical attributes that you might notice. Now divide all that you see into the two categories mentioned previously; what you like about yourself and what you might change. It is important that you focus not on the tiny imperfections that every single person has, but the more noticeable traits which you may possess.
Personality:
In order for you to gain confidence you must be ready to pick your personality apart, not only as you might see yourself, but as others might see you as well. This combination will help you to find a medium ground where you can feel comfortable with how you are judged by all without losing your individuality.
It is vital that you keep in mind that some of the most charismatic individuals in the world do not follow the rules of society and are in themselves outsiders, though they often possess the confidence required to carry out such behavior. You may achieve this same goal, but you will first need to find a balance where you feel accepted enough to allow yourself such extravagances.
The most obvious aspects of the personality that will be used when you are alone and when in the company of others are the traits you should be looking over at this point, they may include:
*Sense of humor
*Conversational Skills
*Perceptiveness
*General disposition
*Cleverness
*General Knowledge
*Facial Expression and Body Language
These are but a few of the traits which are used on a daily basis and if negatively influenced may account for a person's over all low self esteem. In order to improve skills in this area you will need to determine which traits you admire within yourself and which you find to be obstacles.
When looking at building self confidence, it important to be both fair and kind to aspects of your life which you are scrutinizing. Though the influences of other will no doubt have an enormous impact on how you see yourself it is also important to allow the influences to come from those who you respect and not the general population. Consider that in order to make an opinion one of value it must first earn your respect and therefore have some reason for influencing your overall feelings.
The Step: Take a good look at your personality and write down the traits which you believe are your best and your worst. In each category it is important that you feel the assessment is accurate, not just that another person might feel that way about the trait. It may prove very difficult for those with a poor self image to come up with positive traits about themselves, but this is vital to the success of your task. If you are unable to find anything about yourself which you believe to be positive you may again, want to enlist the help of someone who cares about you to give you that boost.
Past and Future:
Some of the most influential aspects, when looking to improve self esteem are the accomplishments one has made and those which they hope to succeed in. It is common knowledge that those who have enjoyed success in life often feel more confident in society because they feel proud and know that others are impressed by their work.
This is perhaps the most difficult aspect of the issues which effect self esteem to scrutinize as one person's definition of success can vary so much from anthers. The key element here will be that you first define success for you and you alone. What accomplishments do you see as having real value and which do you believe may only be in the eyes of others?
One of the most wonderful aspects of the past is that anyone can learn from their experiences. Whether or not you feel proud of your life until now isn't nearly as important as what knowledge you may have gained from the overall experience. To learn from your mistakes and triumphs and to allow this knowledge to help shape your future goals can be of great help in your pursuit of confidence.
To avoid making the same mistakes in life you may want to carefully analyze your past behavior, decisions and what choices led you to a point where you feel so poorly about yourself. In this you may discover key periods of your life, or decisions which you have made that have greatly contributed to your low confidence level.
Many people who feel poorly about their lives avoid thinking about the future too often. The general idea of the future may even seem terrifying at times if your outlook is bleak enough. Once again, the self esteem that has been lacking in your life may also be feeding your expectation of the worst to come and even more terrifying, causing this negativity to surround you on a constant basis.
The Step: Search your past actions for key events which may have influenced your negative outlook or caused you to have a lesser opinion of yourself. These events may have taken place many years ago, or may be reoccurring ones that happen in your present life. Taking the time to evaluate the incidences which may have led to your current state may help you not only to learn, but to begin rebuilding your future expectations.
Once you have evaluated how you see yourself, how others might see you and what past events may have been influencing your present life and possibly your future you can begin looking at changing your life for the better. If you have come this far, give yourself a pat on the back and remember, many people never even take those first steps towards changing their low self esteem and the general quality of their life, be proud that you have the strength to.
by: Addison Kross
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