How to know if your relationship is working or not
Not every relationship shows itself very clearly to our defensive minds as to whether its working or not. Sometimes we just dont want to know or at least our ego doesnt want to know because then it will mean change and our egos HATE change.
So the simple test: Stop a moment. Think of your relationship. Does it make you happy to think about it or leave you feeling dull, hurting, confused, wishful, pained, __fill in the blank__________. If it leaves you feeling anything like that, youve got problems.
Ive had three kinds. The first one was started when neither of us had a clue about how to do it. I felt hurt, fearful, unhappy and want to leave almost every day for 15 years. Im pretty sure he did too. We were young and did not know how to treat each other well. The second one would have been the kind to fool most anyone. He was a really nice person. He tried to be a partner but there were the sneaky ways he didnt tell the truth about himself and what he was up to; the ways I felt wishful that maybe I made a mistake; the discomfort of the imbalance in contributions to our financial well-being. It might have confused me if I hadnt had my long and hard disaster before it. I knew I couldnt hold onto something that wasnt working well ever again.
I think making that decision was what led to the over 25 year never a question, always good and working partnership I have allowed in my life. No confusion. Hurts dealt with right away. Very clearly a well working success story.
What will it take for you to decide to have a good relationship?