My Dad Taught Me That Open Marriages Lead To Closed Hearts

Why is there so much fascination with 'open marriages"

? Recent media coverage has depicted couples stepping out of the closet to confess their sexual liberties. In the sixties and seventies, these same couples might have been swinging from one club to another. Today's technology has allowed curious couples to surf for consensual bedmates. What are these couples longing for and why can't they find it in their own relationship?

My mother told me not to let anyone touch my private parts. As a child I learned that my private parts were very special and that they needed to be protected. During my teenage years, I experimented with sharing my heart and my parts with my dating partners. I soon discovered that exposing my private parts made me feel vulnerable. I was not going to "unzip" for just any girl. I can only imagine how uncomfortable and vulnerable my girlfriends must have felt too! My dad offered his advice during the embarrassing "birds and bees" talk. He warned me that promiscuous sex can lead to sexually transmitted diseases. He also told me that sex was a sacred act and it should be enjoyed between two loving partners. I reluctantly asked him, "How do you know when you meet the right person?" He enlightened me when he replied, "You will know when your heart opens the door to her heart." As a gullible teenager, I did not fully grasp the wisdom of his intimate advice.

My wife and I met in our early twenties. She was seeking the person to open her heart; meanwhile, I thought I was looking for a girlfriend with benefits. My search for selfish satisfaction quickly transformed to a loving and fulfilling relationship. We fell in love, our hearts opened up and we both unzipped and meshed our body parts. Twenty-three years later, our marriage has survived and blossomed on life's relationship roller coaster. I admit that some of our greatest lessons occurred at the lowest points in our marriage. I learned that intimacy unfolds when we let down our guard and share our inner secrets and desires. It takes courage, trust, and faith to let go and love. The only "open" aspects of our marriage has been the open communication and the opening of our hearts.

I was taught that there are certain things that we should not share with others. This includes toothbrushes, dirty tissues and our spouses. If you have invested your emotions and your heart with someone special, why would you risk loosing those loving feelings? Why would you want to dilute the intimacy in your relationship? My parents loved by example. I witnessed my mother tucking my dad in for the last time in his loosing battle with cancer. "Till death do us part" brought a natural end to their marriage. My siblings and I reaped the rewards of our parent's loving relationship. I have tried to pay tribute to the memory of their open-heart marriage by showing my son how a husband treats and loves his wife.

If my dad was alive today he might have blogged, tweeted, or posted the benefits of an "open-heart" marriage. He definitely would have suggested that an open marriage can lead to closed hearts. We all long for love, intimacy, and acceptance. The good news is that these needs can be satisfied within our relationship when we choose to do one simple thing. Are you ready to open your heart?

by: Dr. Bobby Love

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