Positive Self-talk Can Be Your Number One Key To Success
We often speak to ourselves in a way we wouldn't dream of speaking to anyone else
. We can be a very harsh critic of our own mistakes, even though we would be more tolerant or forgiving of almost anyone else having made the same error. Sometimes we are almost automatic with our mental "put-downs" and simply don't realize how enormous the effect created by the drip, drip of negativity can be.
It's a bit like steadily gaining weight from just one candy bar each day. Those calories add up to obesity, just as our negativity builds up and our once happy-go-lucky, optimistic demeanour has been replaced by a more cynical, more begrudging manner.
Our internal dialogue is responsible for a very large part of how we feel - so it is well worth taking a little time to analyze what we actually say in the privacy of our own thoughts.
It makes sense to try to improve how we feel about ourselves because we are then more likely to be successful in work, in our relationships, to be generally happier and healthier - and probably even live longer. How can anyone think that putting themselves down, mentally, is ever a good idea? Yet so many people's ongoing mental commentary reminds themselves of past embarrassments or failures, not using these memories constructively. Look on it as your own individual responsibility to take whatever benefit you can from a painful memory - then banish it from your mind by replacing it with thoughts of happier times.
If we can believe that we are responsible for our own happiness and feelings of self worth, we can take control of emotions to some extent. Realizing that we might not always be able to control what happens to us, but that we have a choice about how we process and react to what happens to us, gives us a significant power to determine our own future happiness.
When we feel confident we are better able to accept new challenges. This means we are more likely to develop new skills, to meet new people, expand our range of experiences and enjoy a fuller, richer life. People with low self confidence may be more likely to avoid new opportunities and therefore limit their chances of career progression, or miss the introductions that may lead to mutually rewarding long-term relationships.
Our self image is all about how we feel about ourselves. Our feelings are a mixture of both positive and negative, based on our own previous experiences. Our unique situation including family circumstances, health, age and relationships all contribute to our previous experience.
The important thing is how we handle the various experiences. For example, a very negative comment doesn't always have to be taken at face value. We should consider the source - maybe that person has no insight into the situation and their comment should be simply discarded. Perhaps they have a very useful point to make, which might even help us improve - they've just said it in an inconsiderate way. Or perhaps we were simply off track and needed someone to put us straight, however bluntly. Go through it in your mind's eye as if the comment had been directed at someone else, and that you are explaining to that person what motives might lie behind it. Putting it at a distance like that can help take the sting out of the remark and we then might be able to find a silver lining.
Making it a habit to always look for the good in whatever situation you find yourself in is a very good start to improve your current mood. You'll soon find that its easier to speak kindly to yourself when you're feeling a bit happier about life in general - and reframing the annoying little embarrassments by looking for just a grain of silver can help you put a stop to revisiting them so frequently - and spend your idle moments concentrating on what you can genuinely feel good about, instead.
by: Brendan McKeogh
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