Process For Handling Social Situations
Do you ever find yourself debating how to handle different social situations
? For example, do you ever find yourself asking any of the questions below:
I just met her. When should I call her?
I really like him. Should I tell him how I feel?
She never called me back. Should I be mad at her?
He is talking to another woman. Should I be jealous right now?
She has not been treating me well. Should I walk away?
I like her. Should I act like I don't like her?
If you find yourself debating what to do in these situations, how do you determine what to do? Do you go with your gut? Do you consult with your friends? Do you make a decision and not really know if it is right? If so, you could be making mistakes on handling things just right. If you make minor mistakes with the handling of these, it can impact your success with new relationships.
Social situations can be tricky to handle because we often have limited information and it is usually not clear what the right thing to do is. While the right answer is never crystal clear, there are some simple steps that we can go through to maximize the good decisions we make.
Step One: What would a person of high social value do?
What you need to do is have an idea of what a man or woman with high value in social situations is like in terms of qualities, characteristics, and personal attributes. If you clearly understand what that person is like, you can think about what they would do in your situation and that can give you an idea of what one of your better options might be.
Step Two: What would a person of low social value do?
Then you go to the end of the spectrum and think about what a man or woman of low value might do. This will give you an idea of another option you have. Although, this should be one of the options that you should be able to rule out because you do not want to be a person of low value.
Step Three: Look at the Data Points
Step three is to look at the data points. Data points are simply pieces of data. But in social situations, data points are all of the more significant events that have occurred with you and the other people you are interacting with. When figuring out what to do, it can help to look at these pieces of information as it is basically looking to patterns in the past which can help you to figure out what to do moving forward.
That is the process. Sounds complicated but let's look at a quick example:
The no call back
A guy has recently met a girl. He is talking to her on the phone and she says she will call him back and she never does. Should he be mad?
Step One: First we think about a man that has a lot of value in social situations. This guy will likely be very busy and have lots of friends. If he is single, he actually may be talking to a couple different women. This guy has a lot going on and he would not get mad at the no call back. He actually is so busy that he might not even notice. Thus, one option is to act like we don't care and did not even notice.
Step Two: Now if we think about a man with low level of value in social situations. This guy might not have a lot of friends. He might not have dated anyone in a while and this women could possibly be the only person he is interacting with now. When he does not get a call back, he is going to notice and will likely be upset and be mad. Option two is to be upset and mad and we can eliminate this if we do not want to appear like a person with low social value.
Step Three: At this point, we can see that appearing as though we don't care may be the better option. Although, we still need to look at the data points and when we do it is clear that this is actually not the first time this girl has done this. She has not called back three different times and there are a couple other social situations where she did not act in a favorable way. Now, that we see that pattern, we can determine that she is either not interested or not the kind of woman we want to spend time with. Through this analysis, we can determine that the right move is to walk away, but to do it in a way where we don't look mad and upset.
by: Michael Halper
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