Signs That Your Husband Is Thinking About Separating
I recently received an email from a wife who wanted to know how she could tell if her husband was considering asking for a separation
. She had been trying to get pregnant, but had noticed that the two of them had been drifting apart and "just not gelling" lately. She was hesitant to continue trying to conceive if there was going to be a separation on the horizon. And, if there was, she wanted advice on a way to change her husband's mind and avoid it altogether.
So, in the following article, I will share with you some of the signs that men who are thinking about a separation will sometimes exhibit and I will also tell you some things that you can do to help the situation and hopefully, to avoid eventually separating.
When A Man Is Considering A Separation, He Will Often Pull Away In Several Ways: Often, by the time that a husband gets around to admitting that he wants to try a trial separation, he's actually already begun to sever the ties in his mind. As a result, you'll often see him subconsciously begin to exhibit some distance and coldness.
For example, he may not participate in conversations and decision making as he once did. You'll often realize that he's not listening to, or hasn't heard, one thing that you've said. And when you call him on this, he's just not concerned as he once would have been.
He may also start to spend more time away from home whether that means that he's out with friends or family or is working more. He may not be as demonstrative and affectionate. You often won't see the light hearted, open, touches, hugs, and reassurances that used to be so common with him. He also may not offer his attention or support quite as freely as he knows in the back of his mind that you should both get used to not having each other around as much.
Now, that's not to say that he won't waver on this. You actually do sometimes see a man who will do an about face and suddenly be quite attentive or affectionate as he's trying to "get the spark back" or to try to stop this downward spiral before it happens. So, it's quite possible to see behavior that seems to change drastically from one day to the next.
His Wanting A Separation Does Not Often Come With "No Warning": Often when women tell me that their man's desire for a separation seemed to come out of nowhere without any "signs or warnings whatsoever," I doubt this. Men often give off both non verbal and verbal hints. Sometimes we just miss them because we aren't really looking. But, that doesn't mean that they aren't there. Sometimes, he will actually mention taking a break or having some time apart. Sure, he may not push you on this and he might say it in passing, but this should tell you that the seed of doubt is beginning to plant itself in his head.
Also, sometimes, he will draw your attention to mutual friends who have split up or separated. He may even allude to the fact that this situation is helping them in some way. He also may just throw out issues that have to do with taking breaks from the marriage to see what kind of response he gets from you.
However they do it, they will begin to either pull away or to noticeably try to push closer to see if they can improve things and avoid this. However, in the last stages they may actually try to leave the home or take a weekend away. Or, they will start to be more independent financially or in terms of important life decisions and encourage you to do the same.
Another thing that I see quite often is if they suggest "separate vacations." They will often want to take theirs first. They might also suggest that you both have girls' or boys' nights out. They are hoping to sort of ease the both of you into being more independent and into being individuals rather than being a couple.
Now, many people miss these warnings because they will try to tell themselves that all marriages go through rough patches and cooling down periods. They will try to reassure themselves that when people have been together for a while, they start to get comfortable. And, these things can be accurate. But, there is a difference between being comfortable but still affectionate, involved, and demonstrative and pulling away from your spouse because you are not sure about the marriage anymore.
What You Can Do To Try To Avoid Him Asking For A Separation: I believe that it's very important to communicate very openly and to not just ignore what is happening. Many people will just hope that they are wrong and will hope that if they just ignore what they are truly seeing, that this whole thing will just go away. It often will not.
Communication is one of the most important keys to a strong marriage. Lay your cards on the table and tell him that you've been noticing that the both of you are exhibiting some distance. (By saying "both of you," it makes it seem like you're not isolating or accusing him.) You also can, in a round about way, say something like: "You're not thinking about a separation are you?"
Two things might happen. He might just admit it. In this case, you can offer ways that might help to avoid this like spending more time together, focusing more on things that you both enjoy, and addressing any issues that have are troubling but are being ignored. Sometimes, you will need to offer to give him some space, but it's best if you can get him to agree to let you stay with friends rather than him leaving.
Often though, he will just deny any thoughts of a separation. If he does, you don't need to tell him that you don't believe him or press him. But, you can say that you've noticed a difference and a distance and that you want to focus on improving things so that you are both much happier in your marriage and in your lives. You can also tell him what you miss. Often, if you allude to the fact that you miss the intimacy, the closeness and the laughs, you are painting a much more desirable picture than if you try to argue with him or act in a negative way.
It was my husband, not me, who wanted space and the separation (but he would not admit this in the beginning.) Unfortunately, I drew on negative emotions rather than positive ones. This seriously backfired. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband's love, but to save our marriage. You can reada
very personal story on my blog at
http://isavedmymarriage.com/ Signs That Your Husband Is Thinking About Separating
By: Leslie Cane
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