Strong Communication Skills Are Vital To Getting On In Life
Whether at work or in your personal life
Whether at work or in your personal life. If you know how to communicate with other people - even if those people are very different from you - you'll have a much better chance of developing fruitful relationships and getting what you want.
Having really effective communication skills stems for the most part from being aware, both of yourself and how you come across, and of others, their behaviours, beliefs and preferences. When you are able to combine confidence, impact and clarity with adaptability of your style, that's when you'll reap the rewards and be able to influence and persuade people with ease.
People tend to respond best to people who are like them. Or at least people who show empathy, build rapport and meet them in their 'map' of the world. So if you want a positive response - whether you're selling something, asking someone to do something, or persuading someone that you're right - you need to adapt your communication to suit your recipient.
So how do you do that? There is a whole raft of communication skills that can be used to build rapport, influence and persuade people. To begin with, you need to work out what makes them tick. Once you understand what motivates them, what their challenges are and how they see the world, you can structure your arguments to appeal to them better.
It's also useful to know whether they're a carrot or a stick person. Do they respond best to the possibility of gain, or the threat of pain? If the former, use words like attain, obtain, goals, benefits, accomplish. If they are more motivated by the stick, talk about problems that need solving and use words like fix, prevent, avoid.
Whatever you're selling, whether a product, service, idea or request, think about what the benefit is to them. How will it make things better for them? What will they gain? As above, it may be that it helps them achieve or obtain more, or it might be that it helps them avoid a problem. Either way, focus on the benefit to them, rather than purely the features of what you're selling.
Whenever you're communicating with someone, be sure to match them. This is one of the key communication skills for building rapport. If the conversation is over email, reflect the tone and type of words the other person is using. If over the phone, you can also match their vocal aspects, such as speed, pitch and tone. If you're talking face-to-face, this will mean also matching their body language and gestures.
Generally with communication skills, it's vital to have an idea of the behavioural style of the person you're talking to. This will help you understand the style of communication they will respond best to. It's always easier to communicate with people who have a similar style to you. It's often due to a clash of styles that disagreements or tension occur.
If you have the communication skills under your belt to adapt what you say and the way you say it, those moments of tension will be greatly reduced and your relationships will be far more productive. For example, some people are more direct and goal oriented. They will respond better if you avoid chit chat and waffle, get straight to the point and focus on results. Others are more people focused and like to avoid conflict.
They need to feel safe, that you care and will appreciate friendly, warm conversation. Other people need details, facts and figures to support arguments and need a structured approach. Others will respond best to passion, enthusiasm and exciting, creative conversation. Think about the way you tend to communicate and, if you're communicating with someone who has a different style, work out how you should adapt to them.
Understanding the theory behind communication skills is the first step. But to be truly effective takes time, analysis, feedback and lots of practice. By mastering these skills, you will reap the rewards of stronger relationships and the ability to get what you want more often.
by: Dominic Donaldson
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