THE HEALING OF HOMOSEXUAL ATTRACTIONS AND BEHAVIORS
THE HEALING OF HOMOSEXUAL ATTRACTIONS AND BEHAVIORS
1. Through Pastoral Counseling
The healing of those with homosexual attractions involves a process of understanding compassionately the emotional hurts they have experienced, resolving the anger with those who have inflicted pain through a process of forgiveness, utilizing cognitive and behavioral techniques, admitting powerlessness over their emotional suffering, and relying upon spirituality and the sacraments. While each of these steps is important, in my clinical experience over the past twenty years treating several hundred adolescents and adults, the cornerstone to recovery is the combination of forgiveness and spirituality.
No amount of insight, adult love and affirmation, assertiveness, or behavioral and cognitive changes can resolve the profoundly deep emotional wounds present within these individuals. Only God's love is powerful enough to overcome the painful loneliness and sadness. Insecurities and fears by providing a feeling being deeply loved, special, and safe at every life stage. As the emotional wounds are healed, homosexual attractions and behaviors diminish and eventually disappear.
In regard to the success of psychotherapy in treating homosexuality, in 1962 Bieber I. reported the cure rate from psychoanalysis of 27 percent. A recent survey of 285 psychoanalysts who had treated 1,215 homosexual patients revealed that 23 percent of their patients changed to heterosexuality.
These traditional treatment approaches did not utilize either a process of forgiveness for resolving the inner resentment of Christian spirituality and meditation for the sadness, low self-esteem, and mistrust. In marked contrast, when forgiveness and Christian spirituality are essential parts of the treatment, it has been my clinical experience that the recovery rate from the emotional pain and subsequent homosexual behavior approaches 100% in those who are truly committed to the process.[ii]
2. Understanding
Increasing numbers of males with homosexual attractions are entering therapy because of their fear of AIDS Many of these people may resist initially working to recognize their emotional hurts because they fear facing their pain or because they have been influenced by our culture to believe that there are no psychological conflicts associated with homosexuality. However, most who seek counseling are searching for the truth and are open to explore their life disappointments. Their openness is enhanced by the therapist's optimism and confidence in regard to the healing of the emotional wounds which produce their temptations and behavior.
Identifying and understanding the various types of emotional conflicts at different life stages are the first steps in the recovery process. These wounds are inflicted most often in childhood and early adolescence and arise from disappointments with parents, siblings, or peers. This pain is regularly denied and then emerges in masked ways as homosexual temptations early in adolescence. However, for some, the homosexual attractions may not come out until the twenties or thirties. In such cases some adult trauma has usually occurred that is associated unconsciously with unresolved childhood and adolescent conflicts.
3. Forgiveness
The resolution of excessive anger is essential in the healing various emotional and addictive disorders and in the healing of homosexual attractions.[iii] The painful disappointments in important relationships during childhood and adolescence result in very strong anger, as well as sadness, mistrust, and low self-esteem. It is not possible to resolve the loneliness, fear, compulsive behavior, and insecurity without removing the closely associated resentment. The childhood rejections by peers and fathers lead first to sadness and next to anger. The emotion of anger then encapsulates experiences of sadness at different life stages. In order to dislodge the sadness, the capsule of anger must be removed. This can only be done through a process of forgiveness, because the sole reliance upon the expression of anger does not truly free individuals from their inner resentment and bitterness.
Unfortunately, the young mental health field has relied almost exclusively upon the expression of anger as the primary mechanism for dealing with this powerful emotion. While expression is important at times, when solely relied on for relief from anger, it has limited value because mere words or behaviors cannot make up for the depth of resentment and bitterness that has been denied in significant relationships in childhood and adolescence. Those who pursued therapy for their homosexual impulses in the past were rarely challenged to resolve their hostile feelings toward their parents and peers, nor were they counseled to use forgiveness. The failure to address and to recommend an effective treatment approach for buried anger is one reason why therapy did not produce more significant clinical improvement in these individuals, with the other being the lack of understanding of the value of spirituality in the recovery process.
4. Spirituality
The major aspects of spirituality which play an essential role in the healing of the emotional wounds leading to homosexual attractions and behavior are prayers of petition, meditation, the scriptures, the Rosary, holy hours, the Eucharist, the sacrament of reconciliation, and spiritual direction. Once the basic conflict has been identified and understood, most individuals regularly employ each of these aspects of spirituality in their recovery. However, some find one particular method of prayer particularly helpful. For example, those who were rejected repeatedly by their peers often discover that spending time daily meditating upon and visualizing Jesus being at their side through childhood and adolescence as their best friend, when they felt very lonely and isolated, to be particularly comforting and strengthening.
Psychologically, homosexual attractions and acts arise from a number of very specific emotional hurts and conflicts in childhood, adolescence, and adult life. These wounds were not clearly and fully identified in the past by mental professionals, nor were they healed in the majority of cases. The reasons for this are because the mental health field in its early stage to development has failed to understand and incorporate forgiveness to remove the significant betrayal anger in these individuals and has not provided Christian spirituality to resolve their sadness, mistrust, low self-esteem, and addictive behavior. Fortunately, spirituality combined with good psychotherapy, can result in a complete healing of those with this disorder.
5. Weak Masculine Identity
Over the past twenty years a large numbers of single and married men, seminarians, religious, and priests who were severely rejected in childhood and adolescence set free from their pain and homosexual behavior through the use of forgiveness and spirituality. The Eucharist, the sacrament of reconciliation, meditation, spiritual direction, the Scriptures, holy hours and the Rosary have made these healings possible. In their journey toward wholeness most individuals regularly encounter times of strong discouragement, slips, intense anger, and even hopelessness. However, with perseverance and grace the emotional wounds and the homosexual attractions and behaviors are resolved.
The Father Wound: Sadness, Insecurity, and Fear
The Mother Wound: Sadness, Mistrust, and Insecurity
THE HEALING OF HOMOSEXUAL ATTRACTIONS AND BEHAVIORS
By: Anandan Arles
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